Clarke ducked her head as she walked through the familiar doors of the bar she'd been frequenting these past four weeks. She slipped into a dark corner by the bar, her usual spot, and waited for the bartender to notice her. The woman was looking for her of course, Clarke had been there every Friday and Saturday night since she'd been back in town, sitting in the same spot and ordering the same drink. Anya brought her the standard Jack and coke and Clarke handed her some money.
"You must be a sucker for punishment," Anya muttered as she handed Clarke her change.
"Don't know what you're talking about," Clarke sniffed. She wasn't about to open up to the bartender. As far as she was concerned it was bad enough Anya knew her name and drink order, she didn't need to know about all Clarke's personal problems.
"Whatever you say," Anya rolled her eyes. "Look, here he comes," Anya nodded her head towards the tall dark figure that had just entered the bar. Clarke pursed her lips at Anya and the bartender rolled her eyes again before going off to serve someone else.
Clarke's eyes returned to the man who'd just entered the bar with the kind of confident swagger that made everyone in the room turn to look at him. Clarke's stomach clenched as he ran his fingers through his tousled hair and she wondered, not for the first time, why she kept coming back to this place.
She'd been surprised the first time she'd seen Bellamy in the bar, though she really shouldn't have been. He'd always lived in this town, after all. She was the one who was practically a stranger now. Despite that fact, Bellamy hadn't seemed surprised to see her at all. In fact, she wasn't sure he even knew she was there, though she was sure their eyes had met for a second. But there was no trace of recognition in his glance, and Clarke wondered if she'd changed that much, or whether Bellamy was just pretending not to know her so that he didn't have to talk to her. She wouldn't blame him.
Since then, she'd taken to sitting in the corner where she was pretty sure he'd never notice her. She never had the courage to go up and speak to him. He obviously didn't want to talk to her, and she didn't want to suffer the embarrassment of being rebuffed by him.
But Anya had been right, she was a sucker for punishment, so she kept returning to this same dingy bar, knowing he'd be there. It was something of a contradiction that she turned up just so she could see him, and yet it pained her so much to do so that she ended up drinking her weight in alcohol, trying to drown out her heart.
God, he looks good, Clarke thought as he strode over to the other side of the bar. She couldn't help but notice that almost every pair of eyes followed him, including her own. She felt a pang of regret, something not unfamiliar to her lately. It was quickly followed by jealousy as he gave a flirtatious wink to Anya as she handed him his drink. She knew Bellamy wasn't really into Anya though, he flirted with every girl who came into the bar. Clarke wondered who would be the object of his affections tonight. She scanned the room to see if she could figure it out before he did.
There was a nervous looking girl with dark hair sitting at a table with a friend who kept glancing at him from across the room, and Clarke was sure he'd noticed. Sure enough , Clarke watched as Bellamy whispered something to Anya and Anya handed a drink to a young waitress who took it across the room to the nervous girl.
The girl looked surprised and pleased to be receiving attention from the handsome guy at the bar. Okay, handsome didn't really begin to do him justice, but that wasn't something Clarke was happy to admit to herself. It wasn't long before Bellamy himself followed the drink he had sent over and begin chatting to the girl.
"That's Maya, she comes here about once every two weeks to catch up with her friend," Anya appeared at Clarke's side, pouring her another drink.
"I don't care," Clarke responded flatly. She suspected Anya secretly liked to stir her up and mess with her head, she was always filling Clarke in on what Bellamy was up to, and giving irrelevant and unwanted snippets of information on the girls he was flirting with. Clarke handed Anya some money so that the bartender would leave her alone.
"Maybe you should just set up a tab," Anya said as she went to serve someone else. Clarke downed her drink quickly as she watched Bellamy out the corner of her eye (okay, so her eyes were glued to him). He held out his hand to Maya and she took it graciously standing up as he led her out to the empty dancefloor. It was his standard routine, Clarke had noticed. He'd pick out a girl, any girl, he didn't seem to have a type, send them a drink and then pull them out for a dance. Sometimes there were other people dancing but Clarke suspected he enjoyed it more when he and his partner were the only ones.
Maya was laughing self consciously as Bellamy swung her arms, trying to get her to loosen up. He whispered something into her ear and Maya nodded before heading over to the jukebox to choose a song. Clarke tried to predict what she'd pick, as she usually did. She hadn't been right once. Clarke decided Maya would probably choose something poppy like Katy Perry, but she was proved wrong once again as Norah Jones started playing through the speakers.
Maya turned back to Bellamy and he nodded approvingly, causing Maya to look quite pleased with herself. Somebody out of sight dimmed the lights on cue and Anya handed Clarke another drink.
"This bar sucks," Clarke muttered.
"You keep coming here," Anya reminded her, and Clarke scowled.
Out on the dance floor Maya seemed to melt into Bellamy's arms as they kind of swayed to the music without any kind of rhythm. A few other couples joined the pair and some guy even had the nerve to ask Clarke to dance but she just glared at him until he went away. Other than that brief encounter, Clarke's eyes never left Bellamy and Maya. The song finally ended, after what seemed like an eternity, and Maya returned to her table, followed by Bellamy.
Clarke couldn't bear to watch any longer, and she turned back to the bar where Anya had plonked another drink in front of her.
"Thanks," Clarke muttered. Much as the bartender irritated her, she always had a drink ready at the right time.
Half an hour later Maya left with her friend, hugging Bellamy goodbye. Clarke tried not to let the relief show on her face that they weren't leaving together. Bellamy wandered off to the bathroom and Clarke took that as her cue to leave while he wasn't paying attention.
"See you next week," Anya called after her.
As it turned out, Anya wouldn't see Clarke the following week, as Clarke had made other plans. Well, Clarke's mother had made other plans for her.
"Raven called me, since you won't pick up when she rings." Abby told her daughter. "She wants to know when you're visiting." Clarke had become friends with Raven while they'd been at university together, and a month after graduating and moving home, Clarke still hadn't bothered to see her.
"Never," Clarke responded to her mother. It wasn't that she didn't want to see Raven, it's just that she didn't want to have to talk about her mundane life in her small town with her crap job and nonexistent love life. Raven had scored a job at NASA right out of university and was living with her boyfriend Wick in a fancy apartment because they both made a killing at their jobs. To say Clarke was jealous would be an understatement.
"Okay, well I told her this weekend," Abby informed Clarke.
"Mom!" Clarke whined. "What exactly did you say?"
"I just said you had no plans and she could pick you up at the train station," Abby said.
"You can't make me go," Clarke said stubbornly.
"Clarke, please go," Abby said, a concerned look on her face. "I'm really worried about you. All you do is go to work and that bar. Alone. You never see your friends."
"I don't have any friends," Clarke scowled.
"Raven is your friend," Abby pointed out. "Just go. It will be fun," she urged. Clarke sighed dramatically.
"Fine."
Raven picked Clarke up from the train station with Wick in tow. She hugged Clarke excitedly, grinning like a maniac as Wick picked up Clarke's bags.
"I can carry it," Clarke told him.
"You're the guest, which means I do the carrying," Wick grinned.
"Come on, we have so much to catch up on!" Raven grabbed Clarke's hand and dragged her to the car. Raven and Wick had a mini argument about who was driving, which Raven won, before they set off and Raven began gushing about her perfect life.
"So, what's been happening with you?" she asked once she'd finally stopped talking.
"Not a lot," Clarke responded.
"Come on, there must be something! We've hardly spoken in over a month," Raven coerced.
"Seriously, all I do is work at the supermarket and sometimes I go to a bar on the weekends," Clarke shrugged.
"Cool," Raven nodded, though Clarke knew it was the opposite of cool. "How's your mom?"
"She's fine. She started seeing this guy Marcus. He's alright I guess," Clarke told her. Raven nodded and Wick launched into a story about how one of his mates had dated a guy called Marcus who turned out to be totally insane.
They reached Raven and Wick's apartment where the couple showed her to her room. The place was practically brand new and the room that Clarke was staying in could have been the master bedroom it was so nice. It wasn't though, as Raven showed off the master bedroom and ensuite.
"So what are you doing next weekend?" Raven asked Clarke as they sat on the king sized bed, Wick leaving the two alone to catch up.
"Umm…" Clarke started.
"I thought maybe I could come and visit you. See your mom. Jasper and Monty might like to come too," Raven suggested. Clarke raised an eyebrow.
"My mom told you she's worried about me, didn't she?" Clarke asked suspiciously.
"Well…" Raven said guiltily.
"Raven, I swear I'm fine!" Clarke assured her. "I'm just bored. I need to save up some money and get out of that town."
"If you say so," Raven nodded. "So… are you seeing anyone?"
"Nope," Clarke laughed.
"Damn. Okay, new topic. Did you know Monty's mom walked in on him and Miller and Monty was certain she was going to throw Miller out of the house but instead she made him stay for dinner. Monty said it was super awkward," Raven laughed. Clarke suddenly felt a whole lot better.
Despite Clarke assuring her she was okay, Raven decided to visit her the following weekend, bringing Jasper and Monty along with her.
"Party weekend!" Jasper yelled as he barreled through the door to Clarke's house on Friday night. "I hope you've got something good planned, Clarke!"
As it turned out, Clarke had nothing at all planned, much to the disappointment of her friends.
"We could watch a movie?" Clarke suggested lamely. Jasper looked crushed.
"What about that bar you said you sometimes go to Clarke?" Raven remembered.
"Oh, that bar?" Clarke said awkwardly. "It's not that good." She did not want Raven finding out she frequented a bar that Bellamy was always at. Raven would think she was pathetic. Which, incidentally, she kind of was.
"Then why are you there every weekend?" Abby sold her out. Clarke glared at her.
"Better than sitting here all night," Monty mused.
"Yes!" Jasper cheered.
"The Mountain?" Raven said skeptically as the taxi pulled up outside.
"I told you it's not that good," Clarke reminded her.
"We'll see," Raven replied.
The four of them got out of the taxi after paying the driver and walked inside. Clarke glanced around and thanked her lucky stars Bellamy wasn't there yet, though she was quite a bit later than she usually arrived, seeing as Raven had made her actually get dressed up and put on make-up.
"Let the party start!" Jasper yelled as he made his way to the bar, causing several people to look up from their drinks.
"A jukebox? This really is oldschool," Raven grinned, following Jasper to the bar. Monty went after them and Clarke groaned as she reluctantly brought up the rear. Of course Jasper wanted to be front and centre.
"A jug of sangria please!" Jasper said to Anya. "And I don't know what these guys are having," he grinned. Anya stared at him unimpressed. "I'm joking," he faltered. "We'll have four glasses with that."
"We don't make sangria," Anya told him.
"Fine, I guess we'll just have beer," Jasper sighed. Anya nodded and grabbed a jug which she started filling from the tap.
"Finally get some friends Clarke?" Anya asked her as Clarke sat beside Monty.
"I guess," Clarke replied. She just hoped Anya wouldn't say anything about Bellamy.
"You gonna drink this or do you want the usual?" she placed the jug of beer on the counter and went to grab some glasses.
"I'll just drink this," Clarke told her.
"Suit yourself." Anya grabbed four glasses and Jasper paid for the jug. Since Clarke didn't bother introducing Anya to her friends, Raven decided to introduce herself.
"I'm Raven, and this is Jasper and Monty," she said.
"Sweet," Anya nodded, clearly not interested at all. She looked up at the door then as it opened and someone entered. "Right on cue," she smirked at Clarke.
Bellamy strutted into the bar, dressed to kill as usual, and Clarke wished she were back in her corner where she couldn't be noticed.
"Oh my god, who is that?" Monty's jaw dropped as he followed Anya's gaze.
"He's nobody," Clarke said quickly.
"Don't you know him Clarke?" Anya said innocently. Clarke shot her a warning look.
"Do you, Clarke?" Monty asked her.
"What do you care? You have a boyfriend," Clarke pointed out.
"Pretty sure that's Clarke's ex, Bellamy," Raven interjected, giving Clarke a quizzical look. Bellamy looked their way, and Clarke knew it was impossible for him not to have seen her, yet his gaze grazed passed her like she wasn't there at all. Clarke's heart sank.
"You know, on second thoughts Anya, I think I'll take that Jack and Coke. Hold the coke and make it a double," Clarke said.
Raven had dragged Clarke to the bathroom for "girl talk" and left Monty and Jasper by the bar.
"Clarke. Is there something you want to tell me?" Raven said seriously.
"Not particularly," Clarke muttered, not looking at her friend.
"Did you know Bellamy was going to be here?" Raven questioned. Clarke sighed dramatically.
"I might have maybe had a sneaking suspicion that he possibly might show up here," she replied.
"And is that because he comes here often?" Raven pressed. Clarke was not enjoying the line of questioning. She shrugged noncommittally. "Clarke, how about you tell me exactly how bad this is," Raven said gently.
"God," Clarke groaned, knowing Raven wasn't going to let up with her inquisition. "Okay. So I come here every weekend just to see him, but I don't talk to him or anything," she admitted.
"What the hell, Clarke? You broke up with him! Why are you pining over him?" Raven asked.
"I might have maybe realized I made a huge mistake. But it's too late to do anything because he's clearly way over me and so I've just become this pathetic loser who basically stalks her ex because she's still in love with him," Clarke bit back tears as she divulged the last part.
"Oh honey," Raven shook her head, pulling Clarke into a hug. "You'll be okay," Raven assured her. Clarke knew she was right, but it didn't stop her feeling any less hopeless.
"Alright, let's get back out there and pretend you're fine. Show him you don't need him," Raven instructed encouragingly. Clarke nodded and the two girls headed back to the bar to Jasper and Monty. Only when they got there, Monty was the only one there.
"Where's Jasper?" Raven asked. Monty just nodded across the room to where Jasper was chatting up Maya. Raven rolled her eyes. Meanwhile Clarke was using her own eyes to seek out Bellamy. It only took a second to spot him talking to a thin blonde girl. Clarke waited for Anya to inform her of the girls identity.
"Echo," Anya said, right on cue. She poured Clarke another drink, though she hadn't finished her first yet. Bellamy was already pulling Echo out onto the dance floor. Much the same as the week before, Bellamy whispered to Echo and she walked over to the jukebox. Raven jumped up and ran over to the jukebox before Echo could get there.
"What are you doing?" Clarke hissed, but Raven ignored her. She chose her song and it wasn't long before the familiar pop tones of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun blasted through the bar. Raven danced her way back over to Clarke.
"Dance with me, Clarke," she grinned, dragging a reluctant Clarke out on the dance floor. Clarke stood there with her hands over her face as Raven grinded up against her and tried to get her to swing her hips.
"I COME HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIGHT, MY FATHER SAYS WHAT YOU GONNA DO WITH YOUR NIGHT," Raven sang.
"Those aren't even the words!" Clarke groaned. Raven ignored her.
"Act like you're having a good time," Raven said. "You don't want Bellamy to think you're a pathetic loser do you?"
"Is he watching?" Clarke asked, peeking out from behind her hands. Raven nodded. She grabbed Clarke's hand and spun her around and Clarke couldn't help a grin from spreading on her face. The two girls continued dancing and singing along to the song, while a few people, including Monty, Jasper and Maya, joined them.
"SOME BOYS TAKE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL AND HIDE HER AWAY FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD!" Clarke half sang, half laughed.
"I WANNA BE THE ONE TO WALK ON THE SUN!" Raven continued to get the words wrong. Clarke suspected it was on purpose. She was laughing and having fun, forgetting for a minute why she was even upset to begin with. But the song ended and she glanced over her shoulder to see Echo laughing and running her hand across Bellamy's chest, who was most definitely not hating the attention.
A lump formed in Clarke's throat and tears pricked at her eyes as she pushed past Raven and Monty and headed back to the bar and downed the drink Anya had just poured for her.
"Clarke," Raven caught up with her. "Stop it. If you want him back that badly then stop drinking away your pain and fucking go and tell him."
"Right," Clarke rolled her eyes. She looked back over to Bellamy and saw him walk out of the bar with Echo clinging on to him. Clarke turned back to the bar to see Anya standing right in front of her with a thoughtful look on her face.
"What?" Clarke snapped.
"He told me not to tell you this but…" Anya started.
"He talked to you about me?" Clarke said in surprise. Anya nodded.
"He used to come here all the time before you started coming in here. But he didn't start all the flashy stuff with the girls until you walked in. Last week when you weren't here, he didn't even bother," Anya said. Clarke looked at Raven and Raven nodded at her.
"What the hell are you waiting for?" Raven urged. Clarke realized then that she had nothing to lose and she quickly ran across the bar, her heart pounding, and yanked the door open, hoping Bellamy and Echo hadn't got too far.
She stepped outside just to see a taxi pulling away from the curb. She sighed in disappointment. She knew she'd never have the guts to go after him again. But then, it was probably for the best. She decided she wouldn't come back to the bar again. She turned to go back inside, only to see Bellamy standing behind her.
"Bellamy," she said dumbly. "Where's Echo?"
"What are you doing here Clarke?" he asked, ignoring her question.
"Just… having a drink with friends," Clarke said, her voice too high pitched. She'd lost her nerve the second she saw him standing there, his arms folded, looking somewhat intimidating.
"I know you've been coming here every week. I'm not blind," Bellamy snorted.
"You never said anything," Clarke accused.
"What was I supposed to say?" Bellamy asked her. Clarke shrugged. Okay, now was her only chance to tell him the truth.
"Look… Bellamy, I've been thinking and I…" she started.
"You made a huge mistake and you want me back?" Bellamy guessed, cutting her off mid-sentence. Clarke paused, and studied him cautiously, trying to figure out what he was thinking. She came up short.
"Something like that," she said quietly.
"It's too fucking late Clarke," Bellamy snapped. "You missed your chance." Though half of her had known it already, Bellamy's words still hit her hard. She bit her lip and nodded sadly before turning away, about to head back inside.
"Fuck," she heard Bellamy swear, and was turning her head to see what the problem was when his mouth covered her own and he backed her up against the wall of the bar. Clarke kissed him back without question, though she had a million running through her head. But with his tongue in her mouth and her hands in his hair, her questions could wait.
Bellamy eventually pulled away, groaning as he did so, but before Clarke could ask him anything, he was speaking.
"I shouldn't have done that. I meant what I said okay? It's over between us," he said, answering every question Clarke had been about to ask and crushing her heart in the process.