Abby hurried off the El platform and dodged the clutter of people on the tracks. She was supposed to be at work five minutes ago. Normally she wouldn't mind much, but that day she wasn't in the mood for Weaver's bitching.
She finally entered the ER doors and sighed when the heat enveloped her. Pulling off her scarf and hat, she headed to the lounge to hang up her coat.
"Abby, you're late," Weaver growled after her. Abby rolled her eyes before pushing the lounge door open.
What she saw there made her jaw drop. Standing directly in front of her locker were Susan and Carter, pushed together, lips locked, his hand on the back of her neck, her hand cupping his butt.
Abby whirled around quickly as a wave of many emotions rushed over her body. What the hell?! she thought in disbelief. She hurried into the bathroom, still dumbfounded. Carter and SUSAN?!?!?! It couldn't have been! She went to the sink to splash her face with cold water. But it was! She'd seen them! Leaning against her locker. Susan's hand was on Carter's butt.
EEEEWWW, she thought, and couldn't help but make a face and shiver. Why would Carter want Susan? That was just… weird.
What the hell is he thinking? Now furious, Abby ripped a paper towel from the dispenser on the wall. Why was he going after Susan? The little asswipe! It was, like, yesterday when he said all that stuff by the river… he knew she broke up with Luka for him… he knew she was waiting…
Still hung up on Luka my ass! Abby thought as she smashed the paper towel into a ball and threw it into the trash. When you go out with someone that you work with for a year and then break up, it can't just be done and over. But, she thought furiously as she grabbed her purse, that would be something that dear Carter wouldn't really understand, right? Evidently, John T. Carter the freakin' third and long-term relationships don't mesh too well. He sure knows how to pick 'em! Abby thought sarcastically as she located her lip gloss and viscously swiped it across her lips.
She was startled when Chuny popped her head into the bathroom. Raising an eyebrow at the sight of the visibly seething Abby, she stepped in.
"You okay?" she asked curiously.
"I'm fine." Abby tossed the gloss back into her purse and picked the bag up.
"We're kinda swamped… I saw you come in, and -- "
"Yeah. Let's go." After a quick glance in the mirror, she followed Chuny out the door and hoped that everyone around her didn't notice the anger that flushed on her cheeks.
For fear of seeing another disturbing scene in the lounge, Abby stashed her stuff behind the admit desk.
"Glad you could join us, Abby," Kerry said. "Now that you've decided to grace us with your presence, you can help Carter with stitches in exam four."
Shit! Abby thought to herself. Shit! Damn! Shit! "Sure," she said, and headed to four. Just who I want to see right now. She sighed.
Bracing herself, she pushed the door open to see Carter sitting beside a little boy, stitching up his arm. Carter appeared to be surprised seeing her storm into the room and roughly pull up a chair.
"Weaver said you needed help?" Abby asked, not making eye contact.
"Yeah, I sprained my finger yesterday, so I'm having some difficulties." He laughed.
She didn't. "Okay then," she said, and proceeded to help him whenever he needed an extra finger.
After a few minutes of near silence, Carter couldn't stand it anymore. "Um, Abby? Are you okay?"
"Oh, yeah," she said exaggeratedly. "I'm fine."
"Oh." Carter noted her sarcasm. "Great."
"Yeah. How's Susan, by the way?" She said it nonchalantly, but with an edge so sharp it made him flinch.
"Abby, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you -- "
"Oh, Carter, don't apologize," Abby said through gritted teeth. "None of my business, right?" She got up from her chair.
"Abby, don't be like this -- "
"We done here?" She stood at the door with her hands on her hips.
He opened his mouth to protest, but when he saw the hurt in her eyes, he changed his mind. "Yeah, Abby. We are."
"Good." Abby turned to leave, and, in spite of herself, felt a twinge in her heart when she saw the concerned expression on Carter's face.
X~x~X~x~X
Carter peeled off his gloves and gave the little boy a pat on the back before he exited the room.
Immediately after, he was nearly blinded by the hundreds of Christmas lights wrapped around the admit desk. He couldn't believe it was already Christmas Eve! Time flies, he thought. What a cliché…
"Hi John."
He turned to see Susan's grinning face.
"Oh, hey Susan," he replied, having to force a smile.
"Are you okay? You look upset," she said.
"Oh, I'm fine," he said, signing the chart in his hands and laying it on the desk. There was a hum of activity around him - a plethora of patients, doctors, nurses… Making it even more crowded than usual were the extra bodies putting up more decorations for the staff Christmas party that would be held at eight -- in three hours, Carter noted as he looked at his watch.
He pushed aside a jumble of tinsel and mistletoe to lean back on the desk. "Are you staying for the party tonight?" he asked Susan, knowing that her shift was over at eight.
She crinkled her nose. "Eh, I wasn't gonna," she replied. "What about you?"
"I'm on till nine." He looked at her, and the sight of her for some reason irritated him enough to make him turn his head.
"Ah." She nodded. "Well, I gotta go check on one of my patients. I'll see you later." She gave his hand a quick squeeze and was gone.
Mark walked over to Carter when he saw Susan leave. "Hey," he said
"Hi, Mark," Carter said. "How's Elizabeth? And the baby?"
"They're doing great, thanks," he replied. "So, how're things with you and Susan?"
Carter was immediately uncomfortable. He knew about Mark's thing with Susan before she left… "Oh, we're doing okay," he said unconvincingly.
"What's wrong?" Mark asked.
"I don't know. It's just… I think she's taking it a little too seriously. You know what I mean?"
Now it was Mark who felt uncomfortable. "Yeah," he said. "Hey, could you do me a favor? Weaver wanted me to go pick up the cake for the party, but I just got a whole crapload of patients. Could you go get it for me, if you're not too busy?"
"Yeah, sure." Carter shrugged.
"It's pretty big, you should probably take someone to help you carry it…" Mark stuck an arm out and grabbed Abby, who was passing by.
"Abby, you got a patient right now?" he asked her.
"Nope." She shook her head. Carter was painfully aware of the fact that Abby wouldn't make eye contact with him.
"Great. Would you go with Carter to go get the cake for the staff party later?"
This was not her day. "Sure, Dr. Greene," she said reluctantly.
"Okay," Mark said. "The cake's at that downtown place, under Weaver's name."
"Aye aye, captain," Carter replied before Mark thanked them and stepped away. He turned to Abby. "Let's get going," he said.
She nodded and grabbed her coat and purse from behind the desk.
He laughed. "Is that your new storage space?" he joked.
"Well," she explained bitterly, "there was something in the way of my locker when I came in earlier."
This time she did look at him – stared straight at him with an icy glare. He immediately flushed the same color red as the Christmas decorations around him. "Umm… I'm just gonna get my jacket." He practically fell over himself getting to the lounge, and stepped out a moment later wearing a puffy brown coat and that goofy black hat.
That hat, just the way it stuck up, cutely awkward, always made Abby laugh. Unfortunately for her, that day was no exception, and at the sight of him, she couldn't help but snicker as they exited the ER.
"What? What is it?" Carter asked self-consciously. "Did I spill coffee on my shirt or something?"
Abby shook her head, still smiling. Carter's Lexus was parked at the edge of the parking lot, and she rolled her eyes as he held the passenger door open for her.
They both climbed in and he turned the car on. "So, what's so funny?" he asked again, glancing over at her. She was so beautiful – the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
"It's just…" She trailed off.
"It's just what?!" The car pulled out of the hospital's vacinity and onto the street.
"Your hat," she said, laughing.
He gasped. "My hat?" He grabbed it off he is head in fake-shock. "This is a great hat!"
"If you say so, Carter." Abby laughed and shrugged.
They laughed and joked a bit more before Abby sensed a serious mood come over Carter. "Abby," he said.
She turned to him, not knowing what to expect. "What?"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Susan."
Abby immediately turned away to stare out the window. "It's okay," she mumbled unconvincingly.
"I…" he began, "I just didn't know how to tell you."
"Yeah." Abby looked down at her hands, folded in her lap.
"Anyway, I don't know about us. Susan and me, I mean." This time it was he who avoided eye contact with Abby.
"What do you mean?" Abby asked, holding the question back from exploding out of her throat the way she felt it come.
She felt her heart soar when Carter made a face. "I don't know, it's just weird. I'm having second thoughts." About you, Carter thought to himself.
"Really." Abby couldn't help but smirk and turned her face away so he wouldn't see. "Interesting."
"You think so?" Carter asked as he turned at an intersection.
"Yeah…" she didn't know how to
interpret his tone of voice. "How long
have you guys been… together?"
"'Bout a month." He glanced at Abby. "Your mouth's open," he observed.
She was shocked. "A month?? Am I really that unperceptive? I had no idea!"
Carter laughed. "No kidding? I thought for sure you knew."
"Nope." She sat back, dumbfounded.
He shrugged and reached over to turn the heat up. At that same moment, Abby reached for her purse, and their hands brushed slightly.
They each felt a warm tingle of electricity shoot up their arm. It felt like their romance and sexual tension was a bubble that had grown so big it could burst with the slightest touch, and it had with a slight brush of the hand.
They could each sense that the other had felt the same thing; and for a moment it was only them, there, in that moment, together.
A horn-honk from behind jolted them both, and it took Carter a moment to realize that the light had turned green. Without a word he stepped on the gas and the car moved forward.
Soon they reached their destination, and once again Carter held Abby's door open as she climbed out of the car. When the desk clerk went into the back to get their cake, Abby wandered over to the display case and stared wistfully at the wedding cakes. It was weird, looking at a wedding cake with Carter less than five feet away from her… Weird, but not weird. Weirdly not weird.
Carter couldn't help but watch her graceful movements; he couldn't help but stare at her every chance he got. She was so beautiful, so perfect. Why couldn't she have just seen that he felt that way? Now, it seemed, it was too late. She'd probably given up, after what he'd said to her.
He'd give anything to take his harsh words back. He'd done so much damage, Abby hadn't looked at him the same since that night, and he constantly beat himself up for it. He'd been practically tortured the next few days; then there was Susan.
Susan. Carter sighed. She'd just been there. And he kissed her… A spur of the moment thing. A result of the lack of Abby in his life. It had been okay, but that was it. Okay. Seeing Abby and spending more than a few minutes with her caused those all-too familiar emotions to come flooding back to him.
"Here's the cake, guys," the cashier announced. Carter and Abby looked over to see a huge cake box, more than three feet long.
"Uh, great," Carter said. "Thanks." He and Abby clutched opposite ends of the box and lifted it carefully.
They waddled towards the direction of the door. "Doesn't this remind you of something, Abby?" he joked as he shifted the box in his arms.
She threw her head back and laughed at the memory of she and Carter lugging a fishtank into Luka's apartment and being almost arrested for breaking and entering.
They finally maneuvered the cake into Carter's car. During the ride back to County General, Carter felt the turmoil in himself. He was torn between Susan and Abby, but it seemed that with each passing moment, he felt more and more love for the woman sitting next to him right then. He tried to act as normally as possible so that Abby wouldn't know about his revelations.
When they pulled into the parking lot, they both eyed the cake skeptically. "There'll be leftovers for weeks!" Carter remarked. Abby agreed with a nod and a grin.
"Wait here," he said. "I'll be right back."
"What – "
"Just wait!" he called over his shoulder.
"Alright," Abby said reluctantly. She couldn't help but smile, which made her blush, which made her want to kick herself. Abby! she commanded herself. You've got to get over him. He's with Susan now. Ew… After pausing to cringe, she resumed to her thoughts. I am not attracted to John Carter. I am not attracted to John Carter. I am not attracted –
"Here we go!"
His voice made her jump two feet in the air. "Jesus, Carter!" she exclaimed and put a hand over her fluttering chest.
He immediately burst out laughing, managing a weak "Sorry" through his sniggering.
She punched him playfully in the arm before noticing that he was toting a gurney. "Carter, what the hell?" she asked, pointing at it.
"Well, Abby," he joked, "this is called a gurney."
She rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Carter."
"Whatever you want." He wished she could see how true that statement was. "Here, help me get it on there." They managed to get the cake onto the gurney without complications.
"Hop on, Abby," Carter said with a grin, patting the space beside the cake.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Not at all. Totally serious." The look on his face was enough to persuade her to get her ass onto the gurney.
"Hold on tight," Carter warned seconds before he shot off like a bullet.
Abby didn't know if she was actually shrieking, or if it was just in her imagination, but the blur of her surroundings and the blast of cool air on her face whipping her hair behind her was a rush like she hadn't felt in a while.
When the ride was over and Carter stopped in front of the ER doors, Abby threw back her head and laughed. Carter smiled as he watched her, and stepped closer to help her down.
Still giggling (what the hell was she doing giggling, anyway?! She hadn't giggled since she was fifteen…) she put her hands on Carter's shoulders and hopped off the gurney.
The adrenaline high put her a little off-balance, and she stumbled. Carter caught her easily, and when he pulled her up, they were chest to chest.
Abby was sure that Carter could hear her pounding heart. Her mind told her to move away, but when she tried, she found she couldn't. She physically couldn't.
It was Carter who could first muster up the ability to speak. "I got ya," he said gently, in a voice barely louder than a whisper. "You okay?"
His eyes, dark and warm, gazed deeply into her own. She'd barely managed a weak "Yes" before the doors behind them burst open and Chuny stepped out.
At the sight of Carter and Abby so close, Chuny grinned. "Dr. Carter!" she exclaimed knowingly.
Gaining back her rationale, Abby stepped back from Carter. "Chuny, I fell."
"Sure, Abby!" She gave them a wink and stepped over to the bench. "I left my hat out here," she explained, and picked up a red knit stocking cap from the seat. "I'll leave you two alone."
"Chuny – " Abby called to Chuny's back.
Chuny didn't turn around; she dismissed them with the wave of a hand as she passed through the ER doors.
Abby laughed nervously. Her eyes, long since broken from Carter's gaze, darted dangerously back to his. "We should – " She broke off, feeling awkward; the air was full of half-exposed, deep emotions hanging there like stripped wires – she didn't know what would happen if she touched upon them. "We should go inside."
When she finally glanced into his eyes, she knew it was the wrong thing. A simple glance, no more than a few seconds long, almost made all of those feelings come back. The feelings she'd just had, not five minutes ago, that Chuny had helped her push away.
"Yeah. Sure." Carter nodded. He was amazed. Abby was like one of those roly-poly bugs. They'd go from being open to being shut out from everything with just one wrong, quick poke.
Shaking his head, he followed Abby and helped her guide the gurney through the ER doors. Facing more than a couple skeptical, questioning looks, they wheeled the gurney to just outside the lounge, and maneuvered the large cake onto the table.
"Well, we did it!" Carter said with a smile. He put his coat and hat in his locker and replaced them with his white coat and stethoscope.
"Yeah." Carter took Abby's small smile as a good sign. She stepped to her locker and tried to touch the contaminated metal as little as possible when she put her coat away.
"Thanks for your help, Abby," Carter said.
"No problem," Abby replied, and pushed her locker shut with her foot. "I'll see you in…" She glanced at the clock on the microwave. "An hour."
"Yeah." He watched, mesmerized, as Abby left.
As if on cue, Susan entered just as Abby exited. "Hey, cutie!" she said with a wink as she moved closer to him.
"Hi, Susan," he said with another forced smile.
"My shift is finally over," she said, linking her fingers with his.
He nodded and looked away. Through the slats in the Venetian blinds, he could see Abby heading to the admit desk. He watched her pick up a chart and follow Dr. Greene into an exam room.
"John? John!"
"Huh? What is it?" Somewhat irritated, he looked back at Susan.
"I just asked if I'd see you tonight." That sly, you-know-what-I-mean grin came over her face.
"Actually, I'm tired already," he explained.
"Oh. Okay." Susan let his hands go. "Are you feeling okay, John? You seem… distracted."
"Uh," Carter stalled. "Just a headache."
"Aw," Susan cooed. The hand she brought up to lay on his forehead made him flinch. "Well, I hope you feel better." She opened up her locker and took out her coat.
"Thanks."
"Oh, I almost forgot!" she exclaimed, pulling a package from a coat pocket. "Merry Christmas!"
Oh God, he thought, panicking. How could I have forgotten? "Wow, thanks, Susan," Carter said, hoping she wouldn't detect the abnormality in his tone. "Oh no, I left your present at home!"
"Oh, don't worry about it," she said, smiling.
Look at her! Carter thought. Standing there, grinning like an idiot. Well I guess she wants me to open it…
He unwrapped the small box and lifted its cover.
"It's a… tie pin!" he exclaimed with false enthusiasm. "Thanks, Susan." He gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"You're welcome!" she exclaimed. "I'm so glad you like it."
"Oh, I do." He gritted his teeth. A tie pin? Did he look like he was 60 years old?
"Great." She looked at him with deep affection. "Well, I should go. I'll see you later, John."
With that, she was off. Carter sighed and tossed the box into his locker before he left the lounge.
X~x~X~x~X
It was half past eight, and the flow of patients had finally tapered of to minimal.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Abby stepped out of curtain three and away from a screaming four-year-old. Checking her watch, she was surprised at the time. Pleasantly surprised.
"Jingle Bell Rock" blasted over the loudspeakers, and Abby smiled when she reached the admit desk. Chuny and Lydia were dancing around wildly wearing Santa hats. Elizabeth had come down from surgery to visit Mark, and they were whispering to each other with smiles on their faces. Randi and Luka (Ugh, she thought) were chatting and laughing.
Finally, Abby saw Carter. He was bent over at the monster of a cake, cutting a piece for Kerry.
She watched as he put the slice on a plate and handed it to Kerry with a smile. Kerry smiled back, and Abby saw her say "Thanks, John," before she hobbled away.
Abby walked over to the food table. "Hey, Carter," she greeted.
There was something about the way he looked at her that made her think that she wasn't imagining the way his eyes lit up when he saw her. "Hi, Abby!"
She motioned to the cake knife in Carter's hand. "You the server tonight?" she asked, an eyebrow raised.
He instantly blushed. "I – " He set the knife down. "No." He smiled. "Why, is there anything you wanted?"
"I just came for a little coffee."
"Allow me." He knew how she liked her coffee - just a little cream, no sugar, just like he did.
"Thanks." She smiled and took a sip, just as a new song came on – "L O V E" by Nat King Cole. "What's with the music?" she asked.
"It's the only thing they could find, apparently," he explained. "It's a tape from Lydia's first wedding. They had it on Christmas Eve, so at the reception they played both Christmas carols and love songs."
Abby laughed. "I see," she said. "So. Where's Susan tonight?"
Carter looked away. "She didn't want to come," he told Abby.
"Ah." Abby nodded. "So you're here alone then?"
"Well, not anymore," Carter said with a smile.
The music above them changed again. "She may be the face I can't forget… The trace of pleasure or regret… May be my treasure or the price I have to pay…"
Abby crossed her arms over her chest. "This song is so pretty," she said, almost sheepishly.
Carter offered her his hand. "May I have this dance?" he asked gentlemanly.
She hesitated. "Sure," she finally said.
She let him lead her to a semi-vacant area, in front of the entrance.
"She may be the mirror of my dreams… Her smile reflected in a stream… She may not be what she may seem… Inside her shell…"
He clasped one of her hands, and put his other hand on the small of her back. She felt tingles as they glided about.
"She who always seems so happy in a crowd… Whose eyes can be so private and so proud… No one's allowed to see them when they cry…"
She was aware that their bodies were pressing closer and closer to each other. There were so many happy and loving emotions she didn't know how to deal with, she just wanted to sit down and cry.
Carter instinctively sensed how Abby was feeling and pulled her tighter, as if in an embrace. He put his face closer to hers, till they were cheek to cheek.
"She may be the reason I survive… The why and wherefore I'm alive… The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years… Me, I'll take the laughter and her cheers… And make them all my souvenirs… For when she goes I've got to be… The meaning of my life is she…"
The song trailed off and Abby and Carter stopped dancing. He pulled away and found that she wouldn't look him in the eye.
"Abby," he said softly. "There's nothing to worry about. It's okay."
Just then, Chuny let out a shriek. "OOH!" she cried. "Dr. Carter and Abby, under the mistletoe!!"
Surprised, Carter looked above him. Sure enough, a sprig of mistletoe hung above their heads.
A chant started. "KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!"
As most of the ER looked on, Carter tilted Abby's face towards his and gave her a slow kiss.
At first, Abby held back, but after a moment, she let her emotions go freely. The kiss, though not wild or wet, was the most passionate one she'd ever experienced.
Just as they broke apart, they heard the ER doors slide open.
"John?!" The shocked voice was Susan's.
He let Abby go and turned to face her standing in the doorway. "Susan!" he said nervously. "What are you doing here?"
"I forgot my purse!" she said huffily, and with a hurt expression, stomped into the lounge.
Carter slapped a hand over his forehead. Great, he thought. He looked up to see Abby staring at him with an expression he couldn't read. And by the looks of it, he probably wouldn't want to.
"Go ahead, Carter," Abby's hurt voice told him. "Go after her."
Looking into her eyes made it all clearer. "No," he said.
"No?"
"No! I don't want to." With a smile, he gave her another slow kiss.
A small grin began to form on her face as the crowd around them let out a cheer. Surprised, Abby turned around, embarrassed.
"Congratulations, guys!" Chuny exclaimed.
"Amen!" yelled Lydia.
"Conga!" Randi screamed. Carter and Abby kissed again, with the congo line circling around them.