Converstations with Sebastian

"Romancing Hawke"

In Dragon Age II, the characters rag on Sebastian about The Maker, Andraste, his armor, his faith, his principality and his chastity. But when he begins a romance, the fun stops. So, this is a dialogue game in which I imagine exactly how your other companions might pick on the "Choir Boy" should he end up "rivalmancing" Hawke in the first part and "friendmancing" in the second part. The "Hawke" in both these cases is my Deandra who, FYI, is a firecracker. She absolutely would NOT allow me to go out of character for her so... I apologize now if this isn't exactly canon. It's for fun.

Enjoy. Rated "M" for some sexy dialogue and possible language.

Part 1: Rivalmance

Varric

Varric: "So… You and Hawke, eh, Choir Boy?"

Sebastian: "I'm sorry, Varric?"

Varric: "I understand you're getting married after we clean up Kirkwall."

Sebastian: "I… Wait… How do you know? We've told no-one and Dee promised she wouldn't tell you! Or anyone for that matter!"

Varric: "Son, there's not a whole lot I don't know! And what I don't know I can easily find out. So… It's a secret, is it?"

Sebastian: "Well, she is a mage. We were planning on keeping things quiet until we were married and she was safely installed as Viscount."

Varric: "I could…make sure this remains a secret. If you like. Hmm… I'll tell you what… If you find a way to get me the Hanged Man, I'll keep your little secret from spreading. Or part owner. I'll accept part ownership."

Sebastian: "I can't do that! Not even a prince has that kind of power. Why don't you just do it for Hawke because, if for no other reason, she's your friend?"

Varric: "Since you put it that way... Okay, fine. Sometimes, you just gotta aim high when you first start out on a new blackmail job. Ah, the fine art of bartering."

Merrill

Merrill: "Oooh, are those flowers for Hawke, Sebastian? May I see them? They're very pretty; like sweetly-scented snow. Why did you pick them?"

Sebastian: "They are to show her how great and wonderful she is to me. They are a rare bloom in the Free Marches that is actually from Ferelden, called Andraste's Grace. They remind me of her."

Merrill: "Ah…so you plan to give Deandra flowers instead of using the way Fenris and Isabella show their affection."

Sebastion: "Wait…what? Do I want to know?"

Merrill: "Well, I watched Fenris pull her into an ally one night and pin her up against a wall and then, well, he dropped trow and literally pinned her up against the wall. It happens fairly often. I really wish you and Dee would do that instead of them."

Sebastian: "Maker save my soul but I feel driven to ask you why?"

Merrill: "Oh, I find your bottom to be much cuter than Fenris' bottom. It has the sweetest little dimples right above each cheek! His is sort of…flat."

Sebastian: "Oh…Maker… When did you see my-my bottom?"

Merrill: "The Chantry bath-chamber. You wouldn't believe what people do in there when they think they're alone! You sing very well and I think Dee will be pleased with your big pe-"

Sebastian: "Okay! Enough! Flowers…just…flowers."

Fenris

Fenris:"You're a hypocrite, you know. After all this talk about the mages being the root of our problems, you then turn around and decide to marry one of them."

Sebastian: "You know, too? Maker! Dee isn't just any mage. She's the Champion and she will be Viscount if I know her the way I do."

Fenris: "Do you know her so well? What if she turns around and supports the mages after all? She does seem sympathetic to their cause."

Sebastian: "No, Fenris. She is sympathetic to the injustices of all people who are put upon by those more powerful than they. That is righteous in the Maker's eyes and I can appreciate it. I'll tell you this: with the Champion by my side as my Princess and she as Kirkwall's Viscount, slavery in the Free Marches will see no safe harbor but slaves seeking their freedom will."

Fenris: "That…is unexpectedly refreshing to hear. I still will never care for mages but that mage, Hawke… If you can marry a mage, then I guess I can be friends with one. I suppose It makes us both hypocrites."

Sebastian: "You're in good company, my friend."

Isabella

Sebastian:"Why are you staring at me like that?"

Isabella: "Hmm? I stare at all beautiful men that I want to bed. Do you have a problem with that?"

Sebastian: "Yes. As you know, I have given my heart to another."

Isabella: "Ah yes! Our good friend, Deandra Hawke. Tell me: do you truly love her or are you just looking for a way into her robes that doesn't conflict with your sense of honor?"

Sebastian: "Maker, no! I do love her! I'm not like most men. I've taken vows of celibacy."

Isabella: "Right… Vows you haven't renewed from what I hear. So you're technically free to go about your naughty little business as you please. Please tell me you're not waiting for your wedding night to have sex with her? That is so cliché."

Sebastian: "How did I know that you would also know about us being married? Sigh. As I said, I took vows before Andraste and the Maker, pledging myself body and soul to the Chantry. Until I take a new vow, the vow of husband, I am not truly released from those I first took. It would be…wrong to assume otherwise."

Isabella: "Oh, that poor woman! You're going to fuck her raw that night, not that I see Dee complaining but… You're going to be a bit rusty on your wedding night and hyper-excited. You'll probably explode the moment you enter her. To save yourself from embarrassment, I suggest you start a nightly hand-job routine. It's better than going to the Rose. Well, almost…"

Sebastian: "W-what?"

Isabella: "A hand-job routine. You know: masturbation!"

Sebastian: "I know what a hand-job is! I couldn't do that!"

Isabella: "Hmm. You're right. You'll need real experience with a real woman. I suggest you practice on me. Oh look! You're blushing again. Aren't you the cutest thing?"

Sebastian: "Maker, help me…"

Anders

Anders: "You're not a mage, Sebastian."

Sebastian: "Obviously. It's something I've been aware of my whole life. Why?"

Anders: "How can you marry a woman you couldn't possibly ever hope to understand?"

Sebastian: "Ah. It's about Hawke, is it? She may never fully understand my devotion to the maker so I think she will forgive me my own ignorance."

Anders: "Mages have specific needs that you couldn't possibly hope to address. You would smother her art and extinguish her inner fire rather than feed it like another mage would. You will never really accept what she is."

Sebastian: "Anders, it's never been about what she is but rather who she is. I love the woman with the dancing eyes and wicked sense of humor who makes me smile on my worst days. Her magic is a tool and secondary to the personality and the beauty I find within her. I don't care that she is a mage. Her magic is part of her and I would never prevent its use. I have no right. So I guess you could say that I accepted her a long, long time ago."

Anders: "But what if your precious Chantry decided to come for her? What if they insisted she join the circle or be made Tranquil, like they do every other mage? Would you have the strength to stop them or would you just hand her over like the obedient sheep you are?"

Sebastian: "I would do everything I could to prevent that from happening. But, once she is Princess and Viscount, not even the Chantry would dare assume they have any rights over her. She's Champion now and not even Meredith has the gumption to tell her what to do. But… You sound…jealous? Maker's breath, Anders! Are you in love with her?"

Anders: …

Sebastian: "Listen to me, Anders… Dee has the freedom and the right to choose her life as she sees fit. I may not be perfect for her but I love her as I love Andraste and I will honor her as a man should honor his wife. Whatever decision she makes, I will support it and her for as long as we both live."

Anders: "Hm. Well… I hope you can keep that promise."

Aveline

Sebastian: "So, did you hear the news, Aveline?"

Aveline: "I did! I suppose congratulations are in order. Are you ready for the big day?"

Sebastian: "Ready as I'll ever be. Excited, too."

Aveline: "You'll need to go in gently, slowly. If you enter too fast or if you're too forceful, it could backfire."

Sebastian: "Heh heh. Yes, I'm sure I will figure it out but thank you."

Aveline: "You don't think this is serious but for both your sakes, you need to just ease it in and everything will be fine. To make it really solid, you may need to add some excitement, though."

Sebastian: "Yes? What do you suggest?"

Aveline: "Take charge but not too forceful. Show her how much she needs you. Demand what you want while making it sound like a suggestion. Before you know it, she'll be doing anything you want."

Sebastian: "Is it so difficult to take her, then?"

Aveline: "The trick is subtlety and a loving touch. Earn her respect and she will want you."

Sebastian: "I see. And a lot of kissing, I suppose."

Aveline: "Kissing? I never said anything about kissing! What are you…? Wait… What did you think I was talking about?"

Sebastian: "What did you think I was talking about?"

Aveline: "You taking over Starkhaven, of course! Did you think I was giving you advice on sex? And here I was thinking your mind was pure. Was I wrong or what?"

Deandra Hawke

Sebastian: "So, I guess the proverbial 'cat' is out of the bag. It seems that everyone knows we're getting married."

Dee: "Yes, it does seem that we did a poor job keeping things quite. Just as well, I suppose."

Sebastian: "How do you think they all found out?"

Dee: "How else? The Hanged Man, of course."

Sebastian: "You mean Varric."

Dee: "I mean the Hanged Man. A person can't sneeze in there without half the city knowing by morning. Varric was doing everything he could to keep it under wraps. What do you want to do now?"

Sebastian: "Oh, the only thing I can do now that it's no longer our secret…"

Dee: "And that is?"

Sebastian: "Kiss you on the doorstep of the Hanged Man and shout my undying love for you before the entire city, of course."

Dee: *Giggles* "Well, if you insist…!"

Part 2, "Friendmance"

Varric

Varric: "So, Sebastian, I've started writing a romance about you and Hawke as the protagonists."

Sebastian: "A-a romance? Dear Maker… Dare I ask? This worries me for some reason."

Varric: "No, no! It's not one of those romances where everyone is naked by the end of the first chapter. Even your grandmother would be able to read it."

Sebastian: "Well, that's good, I guess. What is it about?"

Varric: "Oh, lots of adventure! Traveling the world, killing malificarum and converting the faithless. You'll bring people into the Light of The Maker by the millions! Each one, saving the world one soul at a time. It's brilliant!"

Sebastian: "It does sound…nice. But why do I still have this feeling of dread?"

Varric: "Not a clue. Anyway, the best part of it is the title."

Sebastian: "And it is…?"

Varric: "'The Bored and the Sexless.' I might even call it, 'The Dull and the Dutiful'. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Merrill

Merrill: "So Hawke told me she's joining the Chantry as a Sister. Why would she want to do that?"

Sebastian: "Why not? The Maker has blessed me with a woman as devoted to Him as I am and she wants to spread His Light to the world by my side."

Merrill: "That's funny. I never got the impression she was all that religious."

Sebastian: "It shows how little you know the Champion then. She might surprise you."

Merrill: "I think she will find out how boring it is and leave before too long."

Sebastian: "Bringing the Light to the worthy is not boring, Merrill. Even you could embrace the Maker if you tried."

Merrill: "I think she just wants to have sex with you and one day, when you least expect it, both your vows will be broken. That's the Hawke I know."

Sebastian: "People change, Merrill."

Merrill: "Oh, sure. Sometimes. But I still think this was the only way she could have sex with you. You'll see."

Fenris

Sebastian: "I saw you and Hawke speaking in the Chantry yesterday. Were you discussing the Maker?"

Fenris: "No. We were discussing strategy but it's been harder to find her since you convinced her to join the Chantry."

Sebastian: "We have entered into a sacred covenant as pure as one can be between a man and a woman. To do so, however, she has to take vows as a Sister."

Fenris: "Right. That is not my concern. If I desire her presence, I should not have go through the Chantry to find her. There is the business of restoring Kirkwall, if that's still her goal."

Sebastian: "She is still a tool of the Maker to that end, don't worry. Through her, the Maker will make Kirkwall a better place."

Fenris: "You really believe that? You really think she believes that?"

Sebastian: "Absolutely! She is as dedicated to the Chantry as I am."

Fenris: "Right... As long the Maker's 'tool' remains accessible should I need it, I don't care what you two choose to believe. Though I find I do have some measure of belief in the Maker, blind faith does nobody any good."

Sebastian: "…"

Sebastian: "So… You were discussing strategy?"

Fenris: "Yes."

Sebastian: "What kind of strategy?"

Fenris: "One that doesn't rely on blind faith."

Isabella

Isabella: "'Chaste Marriage…' Sebastian, what exactly is that? I know what 'chaste' means and I know what marriage is but how in Thedas can you have them both in the same sentence?"

Sebastian: *Chuckles* Isabella, your question betrays your ignorance of the Chantry! It is a covenant between a man and woman as meaningful as any normal marriage where children are the anticipated outcome. In a chaste marriage, however, the mortal bodies do not touch so as not to corrupt the purity of the two bound souls. The Maker's voice is more loudly heard when the body's urges are stilled. The two are merged body and soul with Andraste."

Isabella: "You're joking! You're basically pledging yourself to some strange threesome with a dead prophet and her God/husband? And you wouldn't have sex with Deandra? Not…ever?"

Sebastian: "That's…paraphrasing it a bit crudely but yes, sort of. So, I'm not joking."

Isabella: "And she's agreed to this?"

Sebastian: "Yes, she wants it as much as I do. I love her a great deal for it."

Isabella: "Dee has this amazing, curvaceous body; stunning breasts and a glorious ass and you're just going to pretend it's all not there while wasting your own sweet body? You're insane! I can't imagine such a thing."

Sebastian: "It is because you are a corporeal being whose soul cannot fathom a life beyond the physical as we can. What Dee and I have is born of enlightenment and understanding those things you must trust to the Maker's capable hands."

Isabella: "You're damned straight I'm (what did you call it?) a 'corporeal being'. I like sex! I like kissing an open mouth and touching an eager body, the taste of a man's cock and the caress of a woman's lips on my breasts. I love the ocean and the way the ship makes love to each wave as it glides across every crest. To live any other way would be…wrong. I'm certain I should pity you both."

Sebastian: "It shows just how little you understand."

Isabella: "You're absolutely right. And I don't ever want to."

Anders

Anders: "Sebastian, we need to talk about Hawke."

Sebastian: "Oh? Your voice is angry, enraged even. Clearly I have done something egregious."

Anders: "You're correct! You have brainwashed a perfectly functional, perfectly effective mage into believing this Maker bullshit! The Chantry has a place in our lives but a mage, a functioning Apostate, has no place in the Chantry as an avowed Sister. The notion of that is-is horrific to me. How can you find no fault in this yourself?"

Sebastian: "Ah. I understand now. Anders, this was her choice."

Anders: "Her choice because she-she wants to be by your side. You won't go back to Starkhaven and you can't content yourself with being her lover so you robbed her from the rest of us and made her chaste, made her crazy."

Sebastian: "Crazy? Her? Isn't that a bit like the kettle calling the diamond black? We are in love with each other and I have taken vows as a Brother. Because I have committed my body to Andraste, the best way to share our love is through the Maker as His pupils. Together, we will change the Free Marches. Thedas even."

Anders: "You don't understand! She needs to help the mages, Sebastian. The best good she can do is by helping me. Convincing her to be a devout follower of Andraste is not going to do anyone, least of all her, any good. If something bad happens to her because you made her become a Sister, it's all on your head and you will have to live with the guilt."

Sebastian: "Anders, what do you mean by that? You sound frightened! What will happen to Hawke if she joins the Chantry?"

Anders: "I…don't know. You never know what the future holds. If something bad happens then-then it's the Maker's will."

Sebastian: "Then I should warn Elthina-"

Anders: "Forget I said anything. My concern is Hawke and what this will do to her."

Sebastian: "Nothing will happen to her that she does not allow. Remember that. Not even I have the power to force Hawke's hand."

Aveline

Aveline: "Donnic told me that Fenris invited you to play Diamond Back at the mansion and you declined. Does it go against your vows to play?"

Sebastian: "Gambling is a moral sin that leads to other less savory vices."

Aveline: "Oh, come. They don't 'gamble' exactly, Sebastian. They play for a few coppers and drinks at the Hanged Man. Dee plays and isn't she joining the Chantry as a Sister?"

Senastian: "Yes. I pray for her when she goes but she does as she pleases and I have no right to prevent her from doing something she loves. She enjoys the camaraderie."

Aveline: "Well, what if you didn't play and just went to watch and support her? You might still have fun without getting your hands dirty. Surely that's no sin."

Sebastian: "I-I can't. Not after what she told me about the last game."

Aveline: "Uh-oh… What did she say?"

Sebastian: "I…won't say."

Aveline: "Spit it out now, Sebastian!"

Sebastian: "Well, she said that she was the winner at the last game but only by her boots. She'd lost the rest of her clothes."

Aveline: "Wait…her boots? She won because she still had on her boots? Everyone else was…naked? Isabella was at that game as well as Fenris, Varric, Donnic and couple other guards and they were playing for clothes?"

Sebastian: "It would seem so."

Aveline: "Well, I am teaching you how to play Diamond Back because you and I are going to start playing with that group."

Sebastian: "But…!"

Aveline: "No buts! Now where are my cards…?"

Deandra Hawke

Sebastian: "Dee… Soon we will take our final vows. Elthina said she will give us her blessing. Is this what you truly want?"

Deandra: "Without a doubt in my mind. The whole 'chaste' thing is a bit dismaying but I think I can work around it."

Sebastian: "Uh… What do you mean by that? You may be my wife in the eyes of the Maker but we will never be able to be intimate."

Deandra: "Indeed. That's sad to me. But I have carefully combed the Texts and the Chant itself and all the references to chastity I have found relate to sex between multiple partners. Masturbation or watching someone engaged in masturbation is ominously missing. I think that's on purpose if you ask me because certain biological needs do build up. And what the Chantry doesn't witness can't hurt me. As long as I am discreet, I can still pleasure myself! And you…"

Sebastian: "Deandra! How can you suggest such a thing? It is a moral sin and against your vows!"

Deandra: "Nope. It's not. I looked and it's not against the vows. One scholar even suggests that Brothers and Sisters who engage in masturbation are more content in Chaste Marriages. I intend to find out if that's true. And so should you. In fact, I think we should watch each other."

Sebastain: "That-that is… It's wrong, Dee. That's not being chaste. And what if it leads to mutual pleasure?"

Deandra: "Is that such a bad thing? Would we be Forgiven for an accidental transgression due to accidental passion?"

Sebastian: "The Maker usually Forgives all but…"

Deandra: "Then if I accidentally impale myself on you while you're pleasuring yourself then we'll be forgiven and we can go about our merry way. Really, Sebastian… Knowing me the way you do, did you really think I would fully embrace the Chaste-thing? Devote myself to Andraste and serve the Maker, sure but live without sex? Never!"

Sebastian: "I guess I you'll always be Dee, the most irrepressible woman I will ever know."

Deandra: "Yup. And you wouldn't have me any other way."

Sebastian: "And it's why I fell in love with you."