Here's a story that I hopefully won't cop out on. It's a parody of a movie that I used to watch all the time when I was younger. "A Boy Named Charlie Brown."
Like the shadows in the mansion
The bats that all flying 'cross the moon
Phinny has a way of picking up the day
Just by walking slowly through a room
Naive ghosts are not a-plenty
And sympathy from others can be rare
Though Phinny's not the best at spooking like the rest
It doesn't matter he can't scare
He's only a ghost named Phinny
A ghost named Phineas
Soft as marshmallow fluff
He's really not too tough
And yet he is like all of us
The mansion's full of lots of creatures
Some lurking in shadows and in dust
The hero of them all is really just quite small
And he's just a ghost named Phineas
Phineas was hiding in the exit crypt of the mansion, trying to live up to the fac that he was a ghost. He saw a little girl approaching and jumped out, attempting to scare her. Without blinking, she whipped out a can of mace and spayed him.
"AAAHHH! It burns!" Phineas fell down in pain. A few people stepped on him as they left. "To think this is one of my better days."
Gus waddled over and looked down at his trampled friend. "What's with you?"
"Have you ever felt like you weren't doing your job right?" Phineas slowly sat up.
"No. Never."
Phineas fell down again. "Oh. Because the more I think about it, I don't think I've ever scared anyone when you and Ezra weren't around."
Gus was surprised. "People are scared of me?"
"Well, yeah," shrugged Phineas. "You're always hitting people with you ball and chain."
"I thought it was because a midget," Gus hugged his ball and chain. "Man, I love this thing."
Phineas finally got to his feet. "Uh, right. How do you do it? You know, scaring the kids."
"I jump," said Gus.
"Yeah, and...?"
"I scream."
"It's that simple?" asked Phineas.
"Of course. It's all about the surprise. Wait here. I'll show you." Gus walked away. Phineas stood there for a few minutes when Gus came back behind him and tapped him on the back. The ghost flew in the air, screaming.
"Told ya," called Gus.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, Phineas walked outside and breathed in the air. "Ah, it's the day of the 'Mansion Vs. Villains' baseball game on Tom Sawyer's Island! What excitement!"
Ezra ran over. "And for good luck, I brought you this bat!" Ezra whipped out Batty, the bat from Ferngully.
"That's not even a Disney character," Phineas pointed out.
"Good point. See ya, Batty." Ezra tossed the bat away. "So, are you pumped, team pitcher?"
"I'm as pumped as I'll ever be," said Phineas, getting onto the raft heading out to the island. "But I've been thinking that I..." he stopped. "Ezra, Batty's still following us."
"Of course!" replied the winged mammal. "I'm the luck!"
"No," said Ezra, "you were a quick gag that wasn't even that funny. It was a pun that didn't work. And since I tossed you, you were literally a throwaway joke."
"Is it because I'm not Disney?" cried Batty. "IS THAT WHY YOU HATE ME?"
"We don't hate you," argued Phineas.
"I don't know," admitted Ezra. "Ferngully was too preachy."
That really got Batty going. "I'll be back! I'm starting a union of non-Disney characters for equal rights!" He fluttered off.
"Will he be back?" asked Phineas.
"I'm not sure," said Ezra. "That could have easily been a throwaway joke, too. Also unfunny."
Phineas shrugged. "They can't all be great. Ooh, here's the field."
"And there's your competition," pointed Ezra. A gang of Disney villains growled at them.
"Ooh, I hate the villains!" moaned Phineas.
"We all do," nodded Ezra. "And that's why you'd better win."
Ezra flew into the pressbox and began giving an energetic play-by-play as only he could. "Hello, ladies and gentlemen! It's a wonderful day for a game! Pitching for us is the wonderful Phineas! And there's the first pitch! ...and it knocked all his clothes off. Everyone note his fetching Esmeralda undies. We all know what Frollo will be buying afterwards. And there's the second pitch! ...this time knocking his pants off. I hesitate to make a pun using the word 'Minnie.' Seriously, folks, he's a great guy."
"QUIT NARRATING AND HELP US!" chorused the angry ghosts.
"What, and get my ass whopped too?" cried Ezra. "Not likely."
The game dragged on. As Ezra spoke, the team didn't do well. The villains easily raked in the points, and soon the mansion had lost with no points at all.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phineas waited until everyone else had gone back to the mansion before he grabbed a lonely raft and floated back himself. The park would open in a few minutes, after all. He knew it wasn't his fault that they had lost, but he couldn't help but blame himself. As he left, a trio of hyenas pointed and laughed.
Phineas was heading down the halls of the mansion towards his space in the ride when Batty flew out, making the jumpy ghost scream.
"I'm back!" cried Batty. "And I brought another poor non-Disney soul looking for some respect! T.R. Chula!"
The purple tarantula (with a large cowboy hat and moustache) from Fievel Goes West hopped out. "He said there would be girls."
"Not now, guys," sighed Phineas. "The guests are watching...oh, never mind. It's not like I'm scary. Where did Chula go?"
As if to answer him, a woman in a Doombuggy screamed. Chula was tossed out, splattering against the wall. "I just love makin' the ladies scream!"
Phineas rolled his eyes. "Just what we need. Another perv."
"What's your problem?" asked Batty.
"LOOK AT ME!" shouted Phineas. "I have the body of Humpty Dumpty! I have huge cartoon eyes! A big smile! I'm the cutest ghost here! Who'd be afraid of me?"
"You shouldn't complain," reasoned Batty. "Be happy who you are. Besides, you can scare if you want to. I've been hanging around here for a while, and I know you have the potential. You can be scary if you're cute. Look at little ol' me!"
(To the tune of "Tears to Shed" from Corpse Bride)
Batty: Some people say I'm batty in the head, and yet I know
Chula: You always think the best in all the people that you meet
Phineas: That means I'm naive
Batty: True, but some could call it sweet
Chula: Or amusing
Batty: Sensitive
Batty and Chula: If you only knew the you that we know
Chula: You're the voice of reason that Ezra tries not to hear
Batty: It's never said a ghost has to strike fear
Batty and Chula: Scaring isn't your game
Phineas: That's why I feel shame
Batty and Chula: Who cares?
Chula: You're much better
Batty: Just get up now...
Chula: And go!
Batty and Chula: If only you could see how special you can be
If you only knew the you that we know
(The song switches to "Reflection")
Phineas: Look at me
I will never pass for a scary ghost
There's no point to be here
Can it be I'm not meant to play this part
Now I see that if I were truly to be myself
I would break the mansion's heart
(And back to "Tears to Shed")
Batty: Forget the Mulan showtunes
Right now you need to blow fumes
And feel better then
Chula: Grim but grinning
Batty: And right now
Chula: Besides, we know that can get your kicks
Like when you landed that hot Asian chick
Batty: True, that's...
Chula: Unrealistic
Batty and Chula: Doesn't matter
Chula: That's so!
Batty and Chula: If only you could see
How special you can be
If you only knew the you that we know
(For the last time, "Reflection")
Phineas: Who is that ghost I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
(Batty and Chula are about to sing another verse when Phineas brushes them aside and walks away)
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am, though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside
(Batty and Chula dance out again, only for Phineas to toss them away)
When will my reflection show who I am inside
Phineas walked over to Ezra and Gus, who were already posed. Without a word, he joined in hitchhiking. Still, he thought, maybe Batty's right. Nah...
Poor Phinny. I don't recall why I added Batty and Chula. I guess I liked them and I imagined them singing "Tears to Shed," and one thing led to another, resulting in an awkward placement! Yay!