Saved

by spheeris1

email:

fandom: Xena

disclaimer: I do not own Xena or Gabby. I do not own the lyrics in italics - they belong to Chris Issak

pairing: Xena/Gabrielle

warnings/spoilers: Set during the 'Adventures in the Sin Trade' time, so if you've not seen it for some reason - don't read!

world was on fire

and no one could save me but you

strange what desire

will make foolish people do

i never dreamed that i'd love somebody like you

and i never dreamed that i'd lose somebody like you

Who watches the watcher? Who guards the guardians? Who saves the savior?

I've never claimed to be this good. So, I've never expected to be rescued.

I do what I do in order to halt the voices inside. The wound called guilt never fully heals and so I use good deeds as balm.

I wasn't looking for anyone. I was just looking for a way out.

And, then, there you were.

I want to reject you.

The urge to shove you away is so strong. And I know, somewhere deep in my soul, that I am scared now.

So many would laugh to know it. A mighty warrior like myself, running away from... from...

You look over at me and I turn away.

I keep turning, you know. I don't stop until you break down, crying and turning in on yourself.

I thought this would end it. I thought I could fight you. Or beat you. You are a battle to me. You are a war.

But your emerald eyes stained with tears... your body full of tension... your voice silent...

Suddenly, my arms fall and my defenses crumble.

And I am holding you.

Now, I can't go back.

I can't go to a time when I didn't know you or didn't care for you.

I can't return to that dark place within. I can't be reckless.

Every town, once a fleeting thing, is a danger now. I keep you close. I don't let you out of my sight.

There are many that would hurt you to hurt me... I try not to let on, but I cannot help it.

My hand finds your shoulder. My fingers toy with your hair.

Everyone knows.

So, tell me, what happens now?

All these precautions, all this protection... and, still, you are gone.

The one person in this whole world that I would want to save and I could not.

I don't sleep, so I don't dream of you. But there you are. In my mind, in my heart, in my very core.

Now, I can't go back.

I can't go to a time when I didn't know you.

I can't go to a time when I didn't care for you.

And I never told you, just how much I needed you, how much I wanted you. I never let you know that the coldness in my heart went away with your touch.

That, for the first time, I let someone in and it was you.

For the first time... I let someone save me.

And it was you, Gabrielle.

It is you, always.