Hey guys! This is one of my favorite one-shots and I decided to put it up. I hope all of you like it! It kinda just flowed out of my hand and onto the keyboard.
God, please don't let me do this. Why are you making me do this? I don't want to. I can't do this to him. I just can't do this to him; not now. We've come so far and now all we can do is crash and burn? Four hours ago; I found out four hours ago. There has to be another way. Please, tell me that there's another way! I don't want to do this; I don't want to do this. This can't happen to us. We were doing so well, we were doing so great! Don't make me tell him, God, please! I will do anything in return.
Don't let any of this be true. All of this must be a dream. Nothing can hurt this must and be reality. It just can't! Oh, why, why, why! There has to be some mistake. I didn't hear right. I didn't hear them right. I was high at the time anyway. I didn't know which way was left or right. So, it was just me. It isn't true, it just can't be. They don't know what they're talking about. I'm perfectly fine.
I know you're up there God. Why can't you just let me live happily ever after? That's all I ever wanted. I can't do this to him; to us. It's just not fair? Why won't anyone tell me that they're joking? I need to close my eyes and think. My mind isn't working. My mind won't process anything except the information I have just received an hour ago. No, no! I refuse to believe any of this. Because of this I have to tell him, and I can't. I don't want to ruin what we have. I have to tell him, I know I do. I just can't. It's not right. First this horrible news and now they actually tell me that I need to tell him? They have to be insane. It's ludicrous. Four hours ago; I found out four hours ago.
I'm God's own personal joke. He wanted me to suffer and now I am. I'm suffering, and it's more than I can take. Oh, my god, please, no. It's not true! They're lying to me! I know they're lying to me! They know everything and now they want me to suffer too. The whole universe is against me. I thought I was supposed to choose my own destiny? What ever happened to that? Oh wait, I did choose this didn't I? This is my fault. I can't blame anyone but me. Why didn't I check sooner? Why didn't I stop when I had the chance? I had so many chances to stop everything and now all of my chances to live happy are ruined!
There has to be another way. It can't be too late. It can't end like this. They tell me he's here. He's waiting to see me. He's really worried. No, don't let him in. Please, don't let him in. I need time. Granted I had four hours, but that was four hours of finally figuring out it was my fault. Four hours of trying to get it through my head. Four hours of knowing what I did was wrong. Four hours of asking God to wake me up from this nightmare. Four hours of knowing that this all real. Oh God, this is real. Everything that's happening is real! It's not a dream! No! Why! I wanted to stay in this delusion. I loved my fantasy and now God has stripped me of that too.
Torture, all of this is torture! They just love to see me cry don't they? They're all probably laughing at my tears that fall down my face. They ask me again. No! I don't want him to come in. I only found out four hours ago. They can't really expect me to be ready in such little time. That's not enough to gather the information I need to get through this. How would I explain it to him? Please, God, I am begging you. Don't make me tell him. You know how much is going to hurt him. You know what it's going to do to him. Don't let us end, covered in the debris of my mistakes. Why make him suffer my pain too? There's no reason for him to even be here. He's ready to be happy. But he won't be. Make him go away. God please, don't let me down. Don't let me down! Don't let all of this happen!
Four hours ago; I found out four hours ago. There's a knock. No, please don't let that be him. But it is, because God wants me to pay. He wants me to pay. He wants me to suffer! I see his figure but barely. The lights from outside are blinding me. He's coming closer and closer. Why are they doing this to me? I told them no! I told the doctors no! I didn't want him here! He smiles at me. Please don't smile at me. I don't deserve to be smiled at. I don't deserve you and you don't deserve this pain that I need to tell you. But you deserve the truth. Four hours is no enough time. Forever wouldn't be enough time. He sits down next to my bed. I stare at him with tears glistening in my eyes. I could see that he has tears in his eyes. "I thought I lost you," Tommy said.
No! Shut up! Don't say that! "You have. Tommy, I-I need…to…tell you something." I say trying my hardest to look him in the eyes.
"Okay, what is it?" He asks smiling.
I close my eyes and shake my head. "I'm dying," I say in a whisper. Tommy looks at me in shock. He smiles to hide his fear. I know all his tricks.
"W-what?" he stutters.
I look up at the ceiling taking a deep breath. "I have AIDS and it's too late for the vaccine. I could die any minute now. That's why I've been so weak. But before you speak, there's more." He stares at me in complete shock and fear. I continue and my hands start to shake. "The reason I have AIDS, is because…I…" I breathe in deeply and close my eyes again. Why do I have to tell him? "I've been cheating on you. The…guy…had AIDS and didn't tell me."
"Jude…" he starts but can't find the words. I don't want this. I don't want it to end this way.
I start to cry again. "I've been taking drugs too. Heroine, coke, pot, and even Meth."
"Why Jude!? Why do you have to be so stupid!? Why did you cheat on me!?" Tommy shouts as he stands up from his chair and starts to pace in front of my bed.
I don't look at him. "I'm sorry," I say in barley a whisper. "I didn't want any of this. But…that's why I overdosed in the first place."
Finally he stops and looks at me. "You were trying to kill yourself," he stated. I nod my head silently. "How long?" he asks as tears fall down his perfect face. I still don't look at me. God, please don't make him suffer. That's my only wish. Let him move on.
"The doctors said any minute now. It could be to as long as 3 months, to as little as 3 minutes. There's no real telling."
"I love you Jude. Please don't leave me." He says lifting up my chin.
I can't breathe. Not because of the close proximity we were in. Or the shock I was in when he kissed me. I mean I really can't breathe. I'm losing oxygen fast. I break away from the kiss trying to find some air but I couldn't. I grab onto the sheets. My body starts to shake frantically. I can't stop it. Someone please stop it. Oh, god, the pain! Someone stop this pain; anyone! My whole body is out of my control. I hear Tommy yell my name but I can't respond. I can hear the doctors shouting around me and the nurses shuffling.
I somehow grab Tommy's hand and I feel a warm tear drop on my hand. I whisper, "I love you Tommy. I'm so sorry. Tell the kids I love them too." Then I hear his faint sobbing. My body jerks and stops. The last thing I hear is, "Jude Quincy: Dead at 7:35pm."
Very sad I know. But I haven't made a sad on in a while, and happy endings get boring somtimes. I like to shake things up a bit. So tell me how it was!! PLEASE REVIEW!