A Way to Connect
By: Jades
Disclaimer: I do not own D.N.Angel or any of it's characters. This fic is purely for my own entertainment.
Silence. That was his best friend now as he crept through the darkened room, the only light from the large, double window across from the bed. Pale, blue-tinged moonbeams streamed in to fall across the floor, stretching up until it could crawl over the foot of the bed against the opposite wall. Dark followed its lead, settling down upon the bed in a ripple of soundless surety. For once, he was glad that he was what he was, a thief. It made it much less likely to wake the sleeping figure that lay stretched out so calmly.
Dark let his eyes study the small body, the light hair that blended so perfectly with the moonlight that it could have been woven with stardust, the pale skin that put the moon to shame, the undeveloped chest that rose and fell with the cantered breaths of youthful sleep. Satoshi really was a beautiful boy, but that wasn't why he had come.
Slowly, Dark reached out a hopeful hand and carefully trailed one finger down the strands of pale blue hair that feathered over the wide forehead. Then a little further. The softness of the childlike skin was breathtaking and Dark barely held back the gasp that rose so suddenly to his lips. He hadn't expected it to feel like that. Innocent, pliable, so incredibly here. Gently, he allowed the tips of his fingers to trace over the curve of the boy's jaw, his pink lips that would all too kissable in no time at all.
A flash of color slithered through his mind. Yes! This was what he had come for! Don't disappear! Dark bit his lower lip subconsciously, trying to hold on to the images. A small form. A flash of blond hair. Eyes like the sun that burned and warmed him from the inside out. Then they faded. Dark suppressed a whimper. Not yet! He needed this! He had to find a way to make them come back, to make them stay a little longer, he had to connect.
Dark moved his hands eagerly now, searching. Somewhere, hidden deep inside this small body, was his brother. Not Krad, the angry, bitter, cruel impersonation that took the boy over, but Krad as Dark knew him, Krad as he used to be. He was in there. Dark was sure. He just had to find him.
Dark sank his hands into Satoshi's hair, letting the silky strands slip and slide through his fingers as he tenderly cradled the boy's head. Shadowy colors and sharp silhouettes raced through Dark's veins, growing in shape and depth, curving outward like a kaleidoscope spiral until reality was null and void, and the sought-after dream forms awakened fully in his senses.
Dark's eyes drifted closed, the vision alive and dancing behind them. Beautiful, twisted pictures of what had never been, but what Dark desperately needed to see. In dreams, Krad and Satoshi are one, mingled and grafted together, and the unconscious mind cannot separate them. And what Dark sees is Krad the way he wants to believe his lost brother still is, along with his host's innocence, goodness, and profound sense of hope. A small boy with blond hair, Krad, is running, a smile on his face. He is alight with joy and excitement clings to him like a second skin. He grabs onto an equally small hand and clings to it tightly. "Come on, Dark! Come with me! It is a secret just for brothers! Hurry!"
Tears prick at Dark's eyes as the pretend memories wash over him. That was how their life should have been. They should have been happy! They should have had a childhood! Krad should still be smiling and holding onto his hand! But fate had cheated them cruelly. Dark's grip tightened as his thumbs stroked roughly over the pale cheeks, the aching, heated tears slipping between his clenched lids and trickling past the trembling mouth. Why? Why had this happened? When had Krad vanished so thoroughly from himself that Dark could no longer recognize him? Why was their destiny such an awful burden to bear?
A feathery touch brushed against his damp cheek, and Dark's eyes flew open, his startled gaze falling into the deep, serious blue of young boy beneath him. Glittering drops speckled Satoshi's face almost as if he too had been crying. And perhaps he had. Dark swallowed thickly and tried to pull himself together as the vision was ripped away. He stared down at the boy, unsure of what to say. He opened his mouth to apologize, and was surprised by the words that left his lips.
"Don't tell Krad."
Satoshi, without changing his expression, somehow seemed to give him a ghost of a smile, like he understood, and really, who would understand this new Krad better that Satoshi Hiwatari? The boy's voice was low, calm and sure, and laced with his interrupted sleep. "Don't worry. Krad, I've discovered, to my own good fortune, is a heavy sleeper. He'll never know you've been here."
Dark nodded lightly, suddenly aware that he was still caressing his thumbs over Satoshi's face. A heated blush stole up over his features, and he slowly drew his hands away, relinquishing Satoshi's personal space back into his own keeping. His hands suddenly free of their purpose, they flitted about nervously for a moment before twisting into the bedclothes.
Satoshi pulled himself upright in bed, studying Dark with eyes that saw, that seemed to know too much. He laid a gentle hand over Dark's fidgeting fist. "Dark, what are you doing here? What were you looking for so intently?"
A heavy sigh whispered out into the air between them, and Dark raised his glistening eyes to meet Satoshi's. "I…I wanted…to find my brother. I wanted to be close to him. I just…needed to connect…somehow."
The blue, tousled head nodded briefly. "He's in there, Dark." Satoshi said quietly. "But he's locked away deeper than even I can reach him. The Krad of yesterday, the one you love, is slowly being smothered by this new Krad, and I don't know how to stop it." A note of desperation, of failure, colored Satoshi's tone. Dark wasn't the only one who missed Krad. Satoshi missed him too, even though he'd never really known Krad before he had changed, but somehow he must have felt him there, the shadow of who he'd been, and that was enough to bring sorrow to Satoshi's voice. "There's nothing that I can do." He squeezed Dark's hand with as much comfort as he could portray in such a simple gesture.
"I understand." Dark whispered—a black, broken admission that rang hollow as it sounded around them. "But I…I need…" He trailed off, fresh tears spilling from his eyes to splatter against their joined hands.
Satoshi's other hand rose and gently twined through Dark's long, purple locks. He tugged lightly at the man's head, a ghost of suggestion. Slowly, Dark leaned in, silent acceptance on his lips as he brought them flush against the younger man's. An aching, comfortable warmth crawled through him, slow boiling of desires and hungers, emotions and cravings that had been too long denied. Their mouths were a carefully intimate caress, a tender pressure to ease the weight of unmendable sorrows. And Dark was grateful. He whimpered into the kiss, the furious ache begging him to deepen the kiss and pleading with him to end it. It was far too much and would never, ever be enough.
After a moment of grief-tinged, amiable passion, they slowly parted, pulling away with regretful eyes. It had started and ended too soon. Dark licked his lips and swallowed. "Thank you."
Satoshi did smile this time, but barely. "That's as close as I can bring you to your brother, I'm afraid, to the side of him that you're searching for. I hope that…that it will be enough."
Dark gave him a reassuring smile. "It will be." A mottled yearning curled through him to settle low in his belly, and he pressed down on it hard. Satoshi wasn't ready. Dark lifted a hesitant hand to hover over Satoshi's heart. "Take good care of him for me, okay?"
"I will. I promise. Anything I can do will be done."
Dark slid off the bed with the same grace and swiftness that he had come. He stood, staring into Satoshi's eyes for a long moment. Then, he bowed slightly, conveying what he couldn't voice with a simple show of respect. He vanished from the room, disappearing into the night on his inky wings. An echoing plea drifted back to Satoshi's bedroom like a feather on the breeze.
"Goodbye, Krad. Don't forget me."