Title: The Songfic Series
Summary: Just something for me to write until I can find my muse.
Disclaimer: I own none of the songs or any part of Stargate SG-1 that you recognize.
A/N: Some of these will end up being Sam/Daniel. A few won't have a ship but the rest will be S/D implied. I'll warn you of any pairings beforehand. The first is a kind of redo of one of my other fics.
Song: What Hurts the Most
By: Rascal Flatts
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(Quick warning: This will be S/D implied)
I can take the rain
On the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
And I just let 'em out
Thunder rumbled overhead like a giant bass drum. Droplets of rain attacked the dark and seemingly empty house.
Inside, Samantha Carter was still sitting at her table in the pyjamas, holding a cold cup of coffee, and staring at her hands, which were loosely wrapped around her mug.
The past week had been the hardest she had probably had to endure. Except when her mother died. That had been pretty difficult, too. It was times like this that she prefered the solitude of her house while the rain gently pounded on the roof and the thunder occasionally boomed. It was like the weather was in mourning as well.
It was hard to believe that Daniel had died only one week ago. To her it was an eternity.
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
She absentmindedly ran a finger along the handle of her mug. It was hard for her to figure out if she was unable to cry because she knew that it was well past noon and that General Hammond would probably send Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c to check up on her or if it was because this was a time she actually needed to cry.
If the colonel and Teal'c came, she knew she couldn't show how upset she was. They expected her to be Major Carter: the strong soldier-scientist who never cried, not even when her best friend just died. When was she allowed to be herself; when could she just be Samantha Carter? It must have been so easy for them to forget that she had emotions, too.
The colonel couldn't understand. He wasn't good with his emotions. Sure he would hug her as she cried but she didn't know if he could truly understand.
Teal'c just saw this whole thing as something to celebrate. She didn't give a damn how hard Jaffa strived to ascend; she just wanted Daniel back!
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
Why didn't she do it? Why didn't she tell Daniel how she really felt? She had been so close. "I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I just hoped you always knew."
He hadn't known.
It hurt to know he hadn't stayed around long enough for her to tell him. Instantly, Sam berated herself. It wasn't entirely his fault his life was decreased to a few pathetic hours. It was her fault for procrastinating.
Her love for him had snuck up on her. It didn't happen in a second. It wasn't at first sight. It just happened, and she had no idea how she would be able to tell him. Eventually, she had just buried those feeling in the hope that, like for the colonel, they would just fade.
It took her one week to realize how much she needed Daniel. How much she depended on his being there. He was someone she could cry in front of. It was so unfair that the one person she needed most was the one person she couldn't have.
It's hard to deal with the pain
Of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile
When I see our old friends and I'm alone
The halls of the SGC still echoed with his presence. How could they not? He was the one who made it all happen. Without him, the SGC would never have become what it was today.
The other day she had gone to his office only to find Jonas watching The Weather Channel instead of Daniel hunched over some artifact with an obscure dialect. The reminder almost made her break down.
That was a couple hours before a mission briefing. Sam had to walk into the room and act as if nothing was wrong. Everyone bought her cheery act. Daniel would have seen right through it.
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away
All the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Lightining flashed, briefly illuminating the kitchen. The thunder that followed rattled her windows.
A second of guilt flickered through her stomach but it was quickly gone. She was supposed to go on another mission today. The second one in a week. How could General Hammond not give them any time to grieve?
She didn't care. Today she was going to stay home and mentally kick herself over what she didn't say. God, why hadn't she been able to tell Daniel how she really felt about him? There was so much she wanted, how she needed to tell him and she just...couldn't.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
Suddenly, her hand jerked and the coffee flew off the table. The mug shattered on the floor and the cold liquid spattered. She tightly clenched both of her fists, fighting the onslaught of tears. Stumbling off of the chair, she crawled into a corner of the counter and sobbed.
Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do
Against the wall, light from a truck pulling up in her driveway flashed but didn't register. He was gone. Why him of all people?
Between gasps, she managed to choke out, "I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't..."
A warm and gentle breeze caressed her face. "I love you, too," it seemed to whisper.
Eh...it's not as bad as the other one but you can tell someone wasn't helping me out.
So, what did you think: Good? Bad? What do I need to improve? I have plenty of time to use any advice I receive 'cause I've got enough songs ;-)
Or, (yes, this question again) should I just kill it?