Chapter 1: Sgt. Scootaloo, Seal Team Alpha Romeo 6

0138 Hours.

Sgt. Scootaloo was wearing her Yukon 1x24 NV Tracker Night Vision Goggles. She was on a mission in Iraq to destroy Barack HUSSEIN Obama's Muslim terrorist hideout. God Bless Amer- I mean Equestria. Scootaloo pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster. She looked at her Rolex Cosmograph Daytona Oyster 40 mm steel and yellow gold wrist-watch. It read 1:38 AM. Perfect timing.

With the accuracy of a haliaeetus leucocephalus (a.k.a a bald eagle), and the stealth of a panthera onca (a.k.a black panther), Scootaloo rushed across the desert under the curtain of night. She stopped for a moment. She looked through her Yukon 1x24 NV Tracker Night Vision Goggles. In the distance, she could see the target. Even worst, she saw a BURNING AMERICAN FLAG from the headquarters. She was ANGRY. She was an Ameri- sorry, Equestrian patriot, through and through.

Sgt. Scootaloo loved her country. That's why she served in over 200 different variations of the Equestrian Army, including the NAVY SEALS. I'd list them all, but mom says I gotta go to a wedding soon. God, I wish she would stop being such a bitch! Why do I go need to socialize with my cousins, when I can socialise with my Colt M16A3 Select-fire 5.56 Cal Assault Rifle with a custom Rainbow Dash themed paint job in my disgusting, dank basement? God damn fucking Red Commies! Next thing ya know, GAYS will want to MARRY! How Un-American is that? Jesus Christ people!

Anyway, Scootaloo set up her Springfield Armory M79 Single Shot Grenade Launcher. While it was not a model that was currently used, she kept it for personal reasons. She loaded the 40x46mm Explosive Grenade into the barrel, and fired it at those fucking towelheads. They died really fast, and the explosion left a hole in the base.

She walked in through the hole, and felt a feeble hand reach for her muscular hoof. A muslim with a stupid towel on his stupid head begged for mercy.

"Please, spare me!"

"It pays to be a winner, muslim. You like that? I learnt it from a NAVY seal!" she yelled at the ignorant Muslim.

"I beg you, ma'am, please don't kill me.

"No can do. I will remove you from the planet. Prepare to suffer the consequences, you anti-Americ-I mean Equestrian scumbag!"

Scootaloo pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster, and pulled the trigger, sending the .50 Caliber bullet into the towelheads face. He died.

"You should have prayed for a REAL god!"

Scootaloo used her GWA Auto Assault 12 Gauge Fully Automatic Shotgun to breach through the door, like in that FPSRussia video. You know the one, right? She pulled the trigger, and recoil rang through her skinny little arms.

She kicked open the destroyed door. There were muslims all over the place, and Scootaloo just smiled.

"Don't worry, God might have sympathy upon you!"

"ALLAHU AKBAR!" They yelled.

Scootaloo reached behind her, and pulled out her Colt Defence M4 Carbine 5.56x45mm NATO Cal Assault Rifle, modded with a EOTech 510 Series 512-A65 Black Holographic Weapon Sight, for precision. She stared down the EOTech 510 Series 512-A65 Black Holographic Weapon Sight, and shot as many Allah-worshiping Towelheads as she could. God, how useful her EOTech 510 Series 512-A65 Black Holographic Weapon Sight was at times.

"God, I love my EOTech 510 Series 512-A65 Black Holographic Weapon Sight. It never lets me down!"

A dirty towelhead jumped out from behind a concrete block, and shot his Izhmash AK-47 7.62x39mm Caliber Fully Automatic Assault Rifle towards Scootaloo. The 7.62 bullet struck Scootaloo in the chest. Fortunately, she was wearing her DuPont Fiber KM2 Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, and it caught the bullet.

"Nice try, but I have God on my side! Also, I have DuPont Fiber KM2 Kevlar Bulletproof Vest on my chest."

She shot the Muslim, and 50 others dead. Eventually, with many dead bodies trailing, she made her way to a door marked "OBAMA THE ANTI-AMERICAN shit I mean EQUESTRIAN'S HQ DON'T COME INSIDE". Scootaloo laughed.

"The only rule I obey is the Bill Of Rights! Especially the Second Amendment!"

She pulled out her previously used GWA Auto Assault 12 Gauge Fully Automatic Shotgun to fire a fucking fuckton of 12 gauge buckshots into the door. A fucking fuckton is a lot. Like, seriously, that's a lot of bullets. But the GWA Auto Assault 12 Gauge Fully Automatic Shotgun is really good for that, because it's got a 30 round magazine, which is pretty cool, y'know. She ki- god damn it I gotta go to school. Goddamn communist common core shit! The Jews run everything! They think they can trick me!

She kicked it open to see a cowering Obama, hiding under his Muslim desk. On one side of the room, an ISIS flag hung, and on the other side, was a picture of C4 Controlled Plastic Explosives at the base of the World Trade Center.

"I knew it! You were the one who caused 9/11! Everypony knows that jet fuel can't melt steel beams!"

"Please! Spare me!"

"The only thing worse than a black, faggot-loving muslim, is a black, faggot-loving, muslim COWARD!"

"No, please! I'll give you anything!"

"Save it for the Jews and the Illuminati!"

She pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster. She cocked the pistol.

"Any last words, you dirty America- fuck I mean Equestrian-hating Muslim?" she said as she pointed the Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol at Obama's head.

"ALLAHU AKBAR!"

She pulled the trigger, which made a really big bullet come out and it hit Obama in the head. His head splattered like a watermelon in an FPSRussia video. C'mon guys, you know the one.

"I have saved Americ-Equestria from the terrorists again! And remember; The only easy day, was yesterday."

Scootaloo wandered off into the sunrise, as the national anthem played.