50 Ways To Annoy Ex-Commodore Norrington
1. Tell him he smells funny.
2. Tell him the dog with the keys smells better.
3. Tell him Cap'n Jack would smell better even on his worst day, with the hot Caribbean sun shining and the last time he took a bath was a month ago.
4. Throw soap at him.
5. Steal the soap back and say, "YOU'LL CONTAMINATE IT!" and hide.
6. Eyetwitch in his general direction.
7. Wince when he looks at you.
8. Tell him that even though Elizabeth left him for a blacksmith-come-pirate, he'll still be in her good graces at the end of the movie.
9. Make him watch the kiss scene over and over again at the end of DMC.
10. Give him tissues when he cries.
11. The scratchy, nasty kind, not the nice lotiony ones.
12. Pat his back and tell him he won't have to suffer long anyway.
13. When prompted to answer why exactly he won't suffer for very long, look awkward and drag out your overly used copy of AWE.
14. Skip to scene 14 and set to repeat.
15. If he realizes that he's in his Commodore Norry outfit again, tell him he's going blind and he's seeing things.
16. When his back is turned, put the things you stole from his trash last time on and imitate him pre-fired.
17. When he yells at you for it (which, he WILL), tell him you're wearing your normal clothes, don't know what he's talking about, and send him on his way to the opthomologist's with a note pinned to his dirty ol' jacket.
18. Feel free to cackle evilly when he comes back with inch thick specs on.
19. Actually: 1) laugh, 2) cackle, 3) giggle, and 4) squee when he: 1) blushes, 2) gets angry, 3) growls at you to "Shut your trap," and 4) pouts in the corner.
20. Make sure that note said only to give him neon pink rimmed frames.
21. Shout, "Photoshoot time!" and randomly start snapping pics when his eyes are the widest, buggiest they can be.
22. Post them on his new account on Facebook (username: 2sExY4pIrAcY) with Paint'd on moustaches.
23. When he eventually tries to throw the glasses away, smack his hand and tell him he's been a bad, bad dog and that there'll be no treats for him unless he finishes all his broccoli.
24. When he gets adorably confused, giggle and take another picture as you KNOW you want to do.
25. After several unsuccessful attempts of him "accidentally" breaking his new frames, put one of those rope things on them that keeps them from sliding off his face.
26. Make sure it's neon green to match his frames.
27. Or, you know, orange with polka dots. Just to keep it interesting.
28. Change from your Commodore Norry costume to your Conspiring Will costume and go around saying things like, "I'll free you, father!"
29. Once Scruffy is really confused, head is hurting from too strong a perscription glasses, and he's starting to really smell like all that rum he had in Tortuga, throw him in your sparkling clean bathroom and lock the door.
30. When he screams at the 21-centuriness of it all and starts clawing at the door, open it back up.
31. Throw a bar of soap at him and tell him to "take it like a man."
32. Feel free once again to laugh evilly when you hear him scream for his mommy.
33. Make sure to record all the sounds emitting from the otherside of that wooden door on your phone and save it as your ringtone.
34. When questioned by friends about the tone later, tell them you were trying to save a wounded animal that just wouldn't get help - not like it's far from the truth anyway.
35. Note - If you hear anything from the bathroom that may indicate injury to the Ex-Commodore Norry, be sure to check up on him (don't forget the camera). More than likely it'll just be him trying to escape from the window.
36. Second Note - be sure to nail the window shut.
37. Third Note - If you have no nails, use slow drying glue.
38. When he get's glued in to the window, make sure to take both sides of the picture - front and back.
39. Censure him for being a bad boy and warn him that if he doesn't knock it off, you'll have to go in there and clean him and he doesn't want that, does he?
40. Pull him from the window and lock the door back again.
41. When he eventually comes out looking marginally clean, pout and say that you were really hoping he wouldn't get the hang of the shower.
42. By this point, he's going to try and escape to anywhere but there with you; let him get away back to his own dirty universe.
43. Find him once he's back there and tell him it's "bathtime" again.
44. Be sure to wear a trench coat with bottles of shampoo and soap sewn in to the sides. Whip them out accordingly.
45. Cackle when he runs away and fails.
46. Laugh harder when it was Jack who tripped him.
47. Start throwing soap grenades at his back.
48. Shout that a dog smells better.
49. Shout that Jack smells better.
50. Repeat steps 1-49, again.