A month had passed since the Inquisitor sent out a letter to the legendary Grey Warden, Hero of Fereldan. In that time, the Inquisition had been fighting demons, Venatori, and red Templars, all while attempting to figure out who would possibly be Empress Celene's assassin. One could say that finding peace for Thedas was the only thing on everyone's mind.
Except, that wasn't the case for Sister Nightingale.
Ever since she had sent out that letter, thoughts about Alixon Cousland filed the spymaster's mind. Apart from the Inquisitor's own letter, Leliana had written a quite lengthy letter as well, in which many of Leliana's fears and hopes were sealed in. Feelings that the spymaster dare not let anyone else see.
As days turned into weeks, Leliana's heart constricted in pain and fear. Questions about her lover's whereabouts began to arise. Where is she? Is she safe? Why is it taking so long to hear from her?
When a month turned into two, Leliana was frightened. To hide her feelings and push unwanted thoughts away, the Left Hand of the Divine threw herself wholeheartedly at her work with the Inquisition. She worked nonstop throughout the day, barely resting or taking a break to eat. When night came, however, the Fade became a cruel place where awful nightmares haunted the bard. When the nightmares began happening every night, Leliana decided to no longer sleep.
Three months after the letter was sent and still no news. By that time, Leliana resembled a Tranquil mage, expressing no emotion through her voice or gestures, yet deep within her, she was slowly dying.
The Inquisitor had taken notice of her spymaster's behavior. When she questioned Leliana, her only reply had been a low, monotone, "There is work to be done." Indeed, the Inquisitor was so perplexed by the bard that she asked Josephine for help. Unfortunately, the reply was the same for Leliana's best friend.
Four months, one without sleep. The only reason she wasn't dead yet was because Josephine would take her some food up to the rookery with a small vial that Solas made to ease the seemingly permanent headache that plagued the bard. During one of Josephine's visits, a scout of Leliana's with battered armor and an exhausted look barged into the rookery. Leliana's eyes lit up as she recognized the man and hurried to him, dropping the tiny vial she had been holding.
"Lady Nightingale," the scout began, "I-"
"Where's the Warden? Did you find her?" Leliana asked hurridly, her hands wringing in anxiety. She had to know.
"I... I'm sorry, spymaster. This is for you." The scout said, handling Leliana a small, wooden box.
Leliana gasped lowly, not even registering the man's words. She recognized that box. It was where Alixon kept a few of her belongings from her family. Leliana had only seen its contents once during the Blight, but still she remembered.
With great trepidation, gloved hands opened the lid carved with the Cousland emblem. Inside was a locket, Alixon's hairpin shaped like a tiny dragonfly that the bard had given her, a single flower of Andraste's Grace, loose pages of parchment with writings, and an enclosed envelope. Upon closer inspection, the spymaster saw her name was written in Alixon's neat handwriting. Sitting down as she placed the box on her desk, Leliana pried open the letter from the envelope.
My love, 9:41 Dragon Cloudreach
If you are reading this, then I am dead. I'm so very sorry. I failed you.
Ever since that first night at camp, I knew I wanted-needed-to stay at your side forever. I fell so deeply in love with you, Leliana. I had this dream to ask for your hand sometime after the Blight, being together for eternity with the Maker's blessing.
But He had other plans, apparently and we were forced to do our duty, I as a Grey Warden and you as the Divine's Left Hand.
The first few months I cried every single night. I couldn't bear being alone, being without you, It was agony. The pain soon turned into a dull throb, however, and I managed somehow. Instead of crying, every night I would look up at the stars, remembering the tales you would tell me of the constellations.
My search for the Calling's cure brought me to places no one has ever been to. Vast mountains and plains and seas. Every day I wished you were at my side.
I was close, so very close to finding a cure, my love! I could practically taste it! My own calling began three years after we separated. I will spare you the details, but it made me weaker.
Now, however, I have failed.
I'm sorry, Leliana. Please! Love, forgive me for failing you. All I wanted was to be forever at your side, living a life without the Taint. I love you, Leliana. I love you so much. I'm sorry.
I'll leave you this with other belongings in my box, hidden from view but easy for your scouts to find should you one day try to contact me.
I will not say goodbye, for such a word tears at my heart. But I will be waiting for you, love. May the Maker guide me to Him. I will be watching over you, Leliana. Do not lose hope... and do not cry for me.
I love you.
With eternal love,
Alixon Cousland.
Leliana cried. Tears fell from crystalline eyes as she clutched her lover's letter to her heaving chest. Her world became completely shattered, broken, and dark as sob after sob escaped from her lips. Her pain was so great, Leliana let out a raw, guttural scream, an otherworldly sound that projected all the pain and sorrow she felt. The yell startled the messenger birds, rattling the cages. Josephine reached out to calm her friend but thought better of it. Leliana had just lost the one thing that mattered to her in this world.
As tears fell from Nightingale's eyes, she knew she would never be whole again.
AN: So! This happened. I was drawing Leliana and I suddenly drew her crying and atop it, I wrote Tears of the Nightingale and put a quote of Leliana's, where she says that she's lost so much and she can't afford to lose[ the warden] as well. I hate myself for doing this, because Leliana is the love of my freaking life! Hurting her like this makes me feel like an ass but I wanted to write something like this. I'll leave Alixon's death up for speculation.