A/N: Another Tony-centric drabble. With some brief Gibbs/Tony father/son at the end.
Takes place sometime post-5.01, "Bury Your Dead." Could pretty much fit anywhere in the early episodes of Season 5.
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.
Complicated
He likes the bars, because he can hide.
The dim lights, loud music, smoke, and alcohol mask his face and make it too difficult to discern the empty look in his eyes even if someone happened to be looking.
Here, he doesn't have to be anyone in particular. He isn't Anthony DiNozzo, or Tony DiNardo, or any other alias he's used before or may use in the future. He's just Nameless Face #1 Billion in the grand scheme of things.
He's realized it's okay to be anonymous every once in a while. And if "every once in a while" has turned into "most nights," no one has to know. He has only himself to answer to; only himself to hate for what happened.
Shadowy women circle his conscious. Sometimes he strikes up a conversation, flirts, just to prove he still can. His heart isn't in it anymore. Hasn't been for a long time. When he gets a number, he surreptitiously leaves it on the bar and hopes there isn't some girl on the other end eagerly waiting for his call.
Sometimes the desperate girls invite him out right away. He always says no. Why?
It's 'complicated.'
Then they avoid him like the plague.
Ha.
...nobody likes complicated.
--
At work, it's harder.
They know him better than anyone, have learned how to judge his moods. He knows they won't accept "complicated," so he tells jokes instead, grinning like they expect him to and pretending so hard it feels like he's undercover again.
If they don't believe the ruse, they don't let him know it. Maybe it's because they want everything to be normal again.
Maybe everyone's pretending.
But no matter what, there is one man it is impossible to hide from.
Blue eyes penetrate deep inside, accuse him of his unspoken feelings. They wait, holding him in place, and he can't squirm away.
He tries the cheap escape. "It's complicated."
The opposing stare intensifies—how dare he try that line with the man who practically embodies the concept itself?
"I've got time."
And something inside loosens, because there is time. Time to move forward, and learn, and live. And maybe to fall in love again.