A/N: Yay! This is an song-inspired fic by "The Ocean" by Mae. I came up with this story while I was commuting and considering the different aspects of the espada. The shinigami that fight them seem to reflect that aspect in some manner and considering it, Shunsui could really be lonely. Yes he has Ukitake, but he has a terminal disease and he knows it. Sometimes we see Shunsui happy, but he has another deeper and serious layer that we catch a glimpse of and maybe this is it. Enjoy!
The rain drummed against the roofs of Seireitei. This wasn't the rain of summer long past when Seireitei was shaken by the treachery of Aizen Souske. This was the rain that came with the cold winter and the war that would come with it.
Ise Nanao lay in bed trying to sleep. Any day now, the 8th division, along with the rest of the Gotei 13, would be called to duty and fight the war against Aizen and his arrancar army. Any day, her captain would leave, as all the others and their second in command. Except for her. She was to be left behind in Soul Society while her comrades went to fight and protect. Lately she hadn't been able to sleep until dawn like usual. She's been rising before the sun for the past month with her mind racing the moment she woke. After a quick bath, she would go to the office and get work done since there was no use trying to get more sleep. Sometimes she was worried Kyouraku taicho would still be in the office from the night before, possibly drinking with other officers, most likely Matsumoto Hisagi and Kira. Fortunately for her, Nanao hadn't encountered him in the darkest hours of the night there.
And that's how she felt now, dark, like the rain pouring outside. She rolled over to futilely attempt to get another hour of sleep and saw her captain standing by the foot of her futon watching her. While the fact that he was there without knocking or greeting her was strange, the expression on his face was even stranger for him. Shunsui said nothing while he looked in her eyes deep with sadness and loneliness through the darkness. The silence between them grew heavier than the rain. Nanao noticed he was soaking. Was he standing out in the rain before he came in? Why were his eyes so filled with despair?
"Nanao," their trance lifted with his strained voice calling her name into the darkness.
"I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves."
If it had been any other day or any other situation not plagued with oncoming war, she would have rolled her eyes, laughed at his horrible poeticism and made some witty and sharp remark. But those tears that shone like stars on his cheeks stopped any of their usual banter.
Nanao would never assume she knew everything about her captain, but she did know he has seen ages and has experienced lifetimes worth of emotions. She also knows Shunsui is a pacifist and will do what is necessary to avoid conflict. She would wager large sums of money that he blames himself for the incident 100 years ago that lead to this gloomy cloud waiting on the horizon. He testified against innocent shinigami, fellow captains he thought were good people but he had been fooled, along with everyone else. Shunsui had felt there was something that wasn't right about the situation but spoke nothing on the subject since there was nothing to support it. She knew that was only one of many burdens he carried with him which is now coming to haunt him with the coming war.
Nanao had never seen him this way before, she had seen Shunsui serious or upset, but this was a whole new caliber of emotion. What should she do? How do you tell him not to worry and that everything will be alright, like he has done thousands of times for you? How do you keep the tears from falling along with the rainwater dripping off him? He knows everything is all wrong and may get worse and he has played a role in letting it get there.
She did the first thing she could think of, she got up and wiped away his tears, with her own eyes welling up. Her heart felt tight seeing him in such an uncharacteristic state. He watched her movements as she came over and touched his face. She pushed off his wet haori and embraced him about his middle burying her head in his chest.
"I'm here, Taicho." He raised his arms around her shoulders and held her fiercely, as if she was the only thing that could keep him in this world. She felt his breath shudder as he broke down and sobbed. She fell to her knees with him as his emotions overtook him. He cried into her shoulder and she knew that was the best thing she could do for him right now. She took off his straw hat and placed it to the side.
When Shunsui's sobbing calmed down, Nanao released her hold slightly to look up to his face. She thought that he's still handsome with his wet hair, tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes.
"You will come back home, because I need you here too. I need you to do stupid things to make me smile. I need you to force me to chase you across Seireitei to sign papers so I have an excuse to enjoy the outdoors. And while everyone knows who runs the division, I could never hope to fill such a large hole you would leave as their leader."
Shunsui held her closer as his lips started to tremble at her words. He buried his head into her shoulder, hoping that it would fill the emptiness he had felt for so long. She turned her head so she could speak into his ear.
"But most of all, you would leave a hole where my heart should be."
Shunsui pulled back and stared at her with wide eyes filled with hope. He never dared to hope that his Nanao felt how he did, let alone admit such a thing. His chest filled with the feeling that he could leave knowing that his heart would be here in Soul Society in the hands of his lovely Nanao-chan. This is exactly what he needed.
He lowered his head so that his lips were a breadths width away from hers and looked into her ocean eyes.
"Thank you, Nanao."
He pressed his lips to her softly, reveling that he was able to kiss her before he left to fight the demons of his past and right wrongs from years ago. Nanao gently reassured him with the caresses of her lips and hands on his cheeks that he is cherished here and that there is no need for him to be lonely anymore. When they parted, she shared a small smile before she rose to her feet.
"Stay here." She left and was back in an instant with a dry robe for her captain. Nanao handed it to him, helped him up and told him where her bathroom was where he could change.
When he came back into her room, Nanao was back under the covers and lifted them signaling for him to join her there. Shunsui slid in and placed a hand gently onto her waist. She placed one on his check and told him to rest. He might have made a comment about her ordering around but she was right, they both needed rest. She might have hid it well, but Shunsui could still make out the dark circles under her eyes in the past few weeks. As his eyes drifted off to sleep, more than happy to obey Nanao's orders, he saw her ocean eyes watching his as they too drifted shut.
When Nanao woke well past dawn, she saw a note on the pillow next to her in place of her captain.
"Yama-jii called us this morning. Take good care of my heart, lovely Nanao, and I'll come back with yours."
Nanao bit her lip and closed her eyes. She couldn't stop and think of all the potential implications the night held. She had a city to protect. After regaining control of her thoughts, she prepared for the day and whatever it may hold with the hope that her captain would come back with her heart like he said he would.