Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
Disclaimer: I own none of the CSI characters they belong to Jerry Bruckheimer, Anthony Zuicker et. al. Please don't sue me, I write purely to release my inner demons!
A/N: This story was inspired partly by a personal experience of mine and the John Mayer song 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room' which was the song that Nick and Catherine danced to in season 7's 'Built To Kill'. It's just a niggling idea that won't go away and I figured getting it down onto paper (so to speak) may help.
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Catherine watched from afar as Sara danced in Gil's arms. The song was lively and although neither were that proficient, they looked as though they were both having fun. Sara's smile was plain to see and Gil had a small smirk on his face as she twirled in front of him.
"Hey Cat, you ok?"
Catherine's head whipped round, startled, to face Warrick.
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine," she said distractedly and a little defensively
"You zoned out on us for a minute there!" Nick added with a chuckle, "How's Lindsay these days?"
"Oh, she's doin' great. Ever since she started going to dance practise it's like she's a new person, she really seems to love it." Catherine beamed although the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm going to watch her in the school's production of Giselle next week."
"You raised a good kid there Cat, you should be very proud of her" Warrick said sincerely and Catherine smiled in thanks.
...
"Catherine?" She looked up from her conversation to be confronted by Gil's blue eyes, "Care to dance?" he asked as he held out his hand. She hesitated openmouthed, after all he was with Sara. Still she was surrounded by their friends and colleagues, dare she refuse? She made some kind of strangled noise low in her throat and stood, taking his hand. He led her to the dancefloor as the song began to play. It was slow and lilting and Catherine began to panic - how on earth was she supposed to slow dance with Gil without revealing anything to the people watching in the corner of the room?! Seemingly unaware of Catherine's inner turmoil, Gil gently wrapped her hand around his and put his free arm around her waist, pulling her barely inches from him. Catherine cleared her throat and began to burn a hole in his shoulder with her stare - there was no way she could look at him at that moment. Gil began to gently sway them both to the music.
It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
It's just the deep and dying breath of
This love we've been working on
Risking a glance up at Gil he smiled at her and, blushing, she quickly withdrew her gaze. Her palms were increasingly sweaty and her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears that she could barely hear the soft strains of the music. Catherine closed her eyes hoping that if she couldn't see him she could pretend she was somewhere else with anyone besides him but that just made everything a lot worse. With her eyes closed her other four senses kicked in; she could feel every movement of Gil's breathing and his smell was intoxicating. Catherine moved a little closer to him so that her head was hovering over his shoulder, not quite resting upon it but so close that she may as well have been.
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save us
We've built so many false alarms
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room
Catherine knew that she shouldn't be allowing herself this small indulgence, besides the fact that he had been her friend for as long as she could remember but his girlfriend was sitting on the other side of the dancefloor.Catherine opened her eyes and glanced over at Sara who was deep in conversation with Nick and wasn't paying any attention to her two dancing colleagues. Catherine breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes for a nanosecond before wrenching herself from Gil's grasp and excusing herself to the bathroom. Gil looked confused and a little hurt as she walked quickly from him, leaving him alone on the dancefloor.
The door slammed behind her and Catherine ran to the sink and hastily poured water over her face with cupped hands. She then braced herself against the counter with both hands, staring first into the sink and then up at her reflection in the mirror. What the hell was she doing? Gil was just a friend, he wasn't hers to care about in that way but she couldn't help herself. She thought she had long ago accepted that she loved him but that her feelings were not reciprocated and yet here she was, accepting a dance from him and allowing herself to get carried away like that. Catherine you've been in Sara's position with Eddie, you aren't that woman!, she told herself forcefully as though reinforcing her moral compass might cause her to wake up and smell the roses. It didn't help. All it did was add righteous indignation to her already confusing pile of emotional responses; for all of her efforts it didn't stop the pain any. Now was not the time or the place, get your ass back out there and put on a brave face otherwise people will begin to suspect something. Her internal voice did little to settle her nerves, if anything it just made her more skittish. She stood up straight, a little straighter than usual and took a deep breath as she headed back out to face the jury.
Approaching their table she noticed that Gil had taken a seat next to Sara and the team were laughing at something Greg had just said. Slipping into her seat next to Warrick, Gil threw her a concerned look over the table, silently asking her if she was ok. Catherine smiled weakly and nodded, an answer which seemed to satisfy Grissom as he smiled and rejoined the conversation. She noticed that Gil had almost imperceptably moved his hand to rest on Sara's thigh under the table and Catherine hastily looked away. The voice in her head was screaming 'for God's sake, just tell him how you feel!' while her conscience was pushing that thought back with all of its might. Keep on smiling, it said, grin, bear it, you can cry when you're alone in your car just hold it together for a little while longer. As hard as she tried she just couldn't get the image of the two of them out of her head. Catherine just wanted to curl up in a ball, throw a blanket over her head and stay there for the forseeable future. She checked her watch. 10.30. Another half an hour and she could reasonably excuse herself, citing Lindsay as an excuse if someone enquired as to why she was leaving so early.
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At 11 on the dot Catherine excused herself, claiming that she was exhausted and needed to get back to her mother and Lindsay. Well, it was partly true. She was exhausted but the exhaustion was more emotional than physical. Catherine hurried to her car, threw her purse on the passenger seat and put her key in the ignition, pausing for a moment before turning it and pulling out of the parking lot at speed. Her drive home took minutes, or maybe it just seemed that way because she was so pre-occupied with her thoughts. As soon as she entered her house she quickly checked that her mother and Lindsay were sound asleep before throwing her keys and purse onto the sofa and heading for the bathroom. There she turned the shower onto full pressure and high teperature, causing clouds of steam to rise up around her. She quickly undressed and slipped beneath the steaming jets, bracing herself against the wall with her outstretched arms and allowing the water to cascade down her face. Within seconds, her tears began to fall and her quiet sobs were drowned out by the sound of the shower. How long she stayed there she didn't know but with every second another piece of her heart cracked. She didn't want to think about how to face tomorrow, she was too busy falling apart inside.
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A/N: I hope you like it. I'm not sure whether I'll continue this I think I'll see what the feedback is like.