Title: Morning Routine
Author: SeaweedOtter
Genre: Smut
Rating: Hard R
Pairing: Havoc x Hand
Spoilers: Set in Mangaverse, post Chapter 38. If you don't know what happened to
Havoc, don't read!!
Quote: "I won't need these any more. I dunno if they will make you feel any
better, but on a cold winter's night, they warm me up."

This is for the FMA_Fuh_Q community in Live Journal.

**

Poor Jean Havoc was used to having people look at him with some weird mix of pity and fear. It was the lot he had been given, and he had to make the best of it. In the month since the run in with Solaris.. Lust, he had had a lot of time to think, and the conclusions that he had been coming to were not pretty. No girl would ever want him like this, half a man who can't even sit up on his own, much less give a
woman any of the things that she needed- pleasure being one of them.

After his colonel had left to go back to duty, the room had been empty. Mustang had pulled as many strings as he could to try to keep the other bed unoccupied, although it had been tough after some particularly bad fighting had wounded many of his former fellow soldiers. Havoc appreciated it, as he really didn't have the patience, or the desire to try to entertain newcomers, people who he would have to explain his injury to yet again, people who would look at him with pity and regret.

He saw those looks as he was wheeled down the hallways every day to his physical therapy. Faces that asked without words 'what is wrong with him?' and 'why does he look so sad?" Working his muscles to the point of exhaustion ironically got his mind off of his condition for a short time, but it would inevitably end, and the questions that had lingered in the back of his mind would come to the forefront
again.

"Who the hell would want half a man like me?"

Even Breda, who had tried to cheer his friend up with visits as frequently as he could, had little effect on the man. On his last visit, when he had to break it to his best friend that he was being transferred, along with Falman and Fuery, Havoc thought the final straw had broken.

Somehow, thru a haze of hot tears and muffled sobs, Havoc felt Breda push a small paper bag into his hand. He gently put his hand on Havoc's shoulder, and smiled. "I won't need these any more. I dunno if they will make you feel any better, but on a cold winter's night, they warm me up." Without another word, Breda got up, and left, closing the door behind him.

Havoc didn't bother to look at the bag, tossing it to the bed stand behind him and covering his face with his hand. He couldn't even roll over to bury his face in his pillow, and he silently hoped to a a God that had recently believed less in that no nurse came in and saw him like this.

__________________________________________________________________________________

The next thing he remembered was a soft hand on his shoulder, waking him from his troubled slumber.

"Hmmm? Wha?" he said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Lt. Havoc, it is time for your breakfast." The nurse looked at him, blushing slightly, though he wasn't sure why. He looked down. He was pretty sure he couldn't have any morning stiffness, and a look at the sheets down between his legs confirmed that that wasn't the problem. He looked at her with a slightly confused face.

"Is... something wrong, Nurse.." he stopped to look at her name tag, "Smith?"

"Oh, nothing, Lt." He watched her eyes go briefly to the bed stand, then back to her hands, where she held his breakfast tray. she set it on the bed and walked out, her face blushing even darker, a smile on her face.

Havoc wasn't anything remotely resembling hungry, although he knew he had to at least attempt to eat. He nibbled tentatively on something that he thought was supposed to be a sausage biscuit, but it was about as hard as the stainless steel tray that it came on, and he quickly abandoned it for a couple of the rather tasteless and out of season pieces of fruit.

After his attempted breakfast, he put the tray to the side and finally looked at the bed stand table. The paper bag that Breda had left was on it, and its contents had spilled out partially onto the bedside table, displaying magazines with women in various states of undress all over them.

"Oh..." he said softly, and he blushed slightly. "I guess I should apologize to the nurse when she comes in later." He sighed, and idly took one of the magazines, turning it over his his hand a couple of times. "I guess Breda didn't know if he would get caught with them at his new assignment." He opened one of the magazines to a particularly skimpy picture of a brunette wearing only a bikini bottom, which made
him moan softly. He had always had a thing for brunettes with nice curves, and this lady fit the bill nicely.

"Hmm. I can see why Breda likes these." Havoc flipped the next few pages, taking time to peruse each of the pictures, studying every little bit of each curve of the hips, each heft of the breasts. He had to put the magazine down for a moment to catch his breath, his heart was racing and his brow was sweating a little, He hadn't even noticed that his other hand was resting in his lap, right next to his crotch, and he was at full attention.

"Oh, that is just great." He sighed, not sure if he should find it funny or sad. "Hell, I don't even know if you work any more. Just because you can rise to the occasion doesn't mean you can do anything else." He groaned. "And now I am talking to a body part. Great. I have really hit rock bottom." He sighed, and groaned, feeling the all too familiar ache, not between his legs, but throughout his whole body. "This is sad. Well, I guess there is only one way to find out what will happen."

He sighed again, and turned the magazine back a few pages to the brunette that had caught his eye before. He laid the magazine down on his legs and pulled the covers down just a little and tugged lightly at the elastic of his blue/green hospital pants. Softly, he put a hand inside and felt himself for the first time since the accident. It was still warm, and pulsed very softly with each heartbeat. He was actually surprised that it felt like it always had under his hand, although he couldn't feel himself holding it. It was a very weird thing.

For a moment he wasn't even sure what to do. He knew the logistics of it, as a country boy he had had to "entertain" himself plenty growing up when most of the girls didn't even give him the time of day. It was just weird that he didn't feel it, and he wasn't even sure what would happen, if anything. He started with one soft, slow stroke. It twitched just a little, and his body shuddered. If he couldn't feel anything beyond his waist, the rest of his body seemed to be making up for it.

He gripped himself a little harder, making sure it wasn't too hard. He started into a rhythm that he had known many times in the past. His body responded, quickening his breath and making him thin his eyes in pleasure. "Mmmm" he moaned, then bit his lip, remembering where he was. He closed his eyes tight and stroked faster, using the other hand to gently rub at his balls in soft, flat palmed circles.

"Rrrmmm.." Havoc bit his lip harder, drawing a tiny bead of coppery blood, but he didn't stop, it just spurred him on more. He arched his back and stroked as hard and fast as he could. It took only a few more strokes before his whole body started to shake uncontrollably and his back arches hard, white spots clouding his vision- he cried out despite biting his lip harder.

"Mrrrrrf!!" Havoc grunted at he came to his climax, feeling his juices splash down onto his hand and onto his stomach. He stroked a couple more times, much softer and slower, letting the feeling peak, then slowly fade.

"Lt., are you-" it was Nurse Smith again. She had apparently heard the noises and came back.

Havoc made a little squeak of embarrassment and let himself go, quickly covering himself with a sheet and throwing the magazine back onto the pile on the bed stand table. "Oh.. Um... er... " Havoc turned a deep shade of red and embarrassingly rubbed at the back of his matted brown hair. "I.. am sorry, Nurse. I am sorry for when you came in here before and I am sorry for now. I just.."

Nurse Smith smiled, gently putting one finger on his lips. "It is okay, solider. I have seen worse. I know you have been here a while, and I am guessing it was your friend that left those with you." Havoc nodded, dumbly. "I have only seen one woman visit you so far, and I don't know if she was your girlfriend or not, but I am guessing not. I know guys have to relieve tension from time to time. It is okay. I won't tell anyone."

She walked to a small sink that was in the room and wet a washcloth. She walked back over with a smile. "You may want to clean up a little, solider. I will check up on you later." She smiled and left the room, closing the door again.

Havoc let out a deep breath. Was he crazy, or did she seem as embarrassed as he was? Did she like what she saw, he wondered? He shrugged and sighed, starting to clean himself up gently. He was pretty sure it was going to be just one embarrassment in a long series of many. It wouldn't get better from here.