For Janet as a pick-me-up. The title is taken from the Evanescence song Never Go Back. While the entire song does fit their story after TWoK, it's too dark for this little fic, so I didn't take the title but a split line.

(As a side-note, I had intended to use that name or the song title for a chapter in Water, but since I was so hell-bent on taking only stuff from The Turn of the Screw, it's still available. I have an excel-sheet with all my chapter headings and titles to make sure of that. Not kidding.)

The light was already dim when the door to Leonard's quarters opened. He didn't give more than a fleeting thought to his informal attire that comprised only a shirt and underwear and smiled at the tall figure that stepped inside as if he owned the place. It was a good sign. Spock was getting there, wherever exactly there was. Somehow it appeared to be at Leonard's side, and that was all that mattered. 'I hope I did not disturb you,' the Vulcan said formally.

'No, no, you're always welcome.' Leonard had been about to go to sleep, but that could wait. Everything could wait if Spock wanted to see him.

'I … still need to get used to the notion.' Somehow Leonard sensed that more was coming, so he waited patiently. 'I find that I do not wish to sleep alone.'

'Well, we used to share quarters before … you know.'

'Before I died. Perhaps it is a good idea for both of us to learn to address what happened.' Leonard nodded.

'You're right. Well, I was about to go to bed. You're welcome to join me.' Spock nodded curtly.

'I am uncertain about the appropriate sleeping attire.' Leonard snorted.

'You didn't use to wear anything, really.' A faint green blush showed on Spock's features. 'What I mean is that I don't mind. I know you're not ready for that. Just … wear whatever you're comfortable with.' Leonard slipped under the covers, refusing to make the poor man uncomfortable by stripping down to nothing. He wanted him so badly, but that had to wait. There was also the matter of a certain conversation they needed to have before anything else would happen.

'I still have very little recollection about the details of our relationship.' Somehow they had agreed that they would wait with sexual contact until Spock remembered at least something.

'We could create new memories.' He had thought about it so much. There was no real need to wait. He wanted Spock to remember, but mostly, he wanted his bondmate back. Spock was so obviously hesitant that Leonard wondered if he would flee again and decided to backpedal. 'If you want, you can sleep on the floor in one of the sleeping bags. You're welcome in my bed, of course, but if that's too much …' He noticed that this was the third time he had told Spock he was welcome. He decided to cut it out. If the Vulcan had noted that Leonard's speech was less than eloquent, he didn't let it on.

'It is not.' Spock lay down on his back like a statue. Oh well. He'd come round if he'd made it here.

'Spock … before this goes any further there's something you've got to know.' Spock turned his head and looked at him. 'It never bothered you before, but I want it out of the way. I …' He swallowed. 'I'm damaged.' The Vulcan's eyebrows twitched into a minute, fleeting frown.

'You appear to be quite healthy.'

'I am, but I wasn't always. I was once very ill, and the result is something that'll never go away. And it's making me rather uncomfortable.' At last, Spock turned fully to his side, his head propped up.

'There is nothing you cannot tell me, Leonard. We have been mates, and we have agreed to recreate the bond that was broken after the refusion. If I was not perturbed before, there is no reason why I should be now.'

'I wasn't damaged when we started. It's easier to stick to a lover you already have than getting involved with someone who's compromised before you even get started.'

'I assure you nothing you could say now will drive me away. Please tell me.' Spock was right, of course. It was illogical to be so worried, but psychology was a tricky thing. Leonard's pulse was fast and painful in his throat.

'I sustained vascular damage during my xenopolycythemia. I … can maintain an erection, but it's not as firm as it used to be.' He swallowed. There was no visible reaction in Spock's face at all. 'I … can sleep with you, no problem, but I want you to know that because it caused some … friction between us before.' Now an eyebrow rose. 'I … you see, we … on Yonada …' Spock interrupted his rambling with a finger on Leonard's lips. The intimate gesture silenced him more effectively than anything else could have.

'What you are trying to say is that I was unaware of the true cause of the change in the physical manifestation of your arousal and believed it was because you would have preferred Natira.' Leonard had, a long time ago, found Spock horribly tactless in his hands-down honesty. Right now, he loved him for it. Unable to stop himself, he shifted closer and kissed him.

'Yes,' he said. He was calm again, knew that Spock truly wasn't going anywhere. Not that he said it, but there was that tiny shake of his head that made a nonsense of his concern. Spock settled on his back again, and Leonard started to believe he had fallen asleep when the Vulcan spoke again.

'There is something that does not seem right.'

'What's that?' The dark eyes opened again and Spock scanned his surroundings as if looking for something suspicious.

'Ah. Of course.' He turned to his side again and pulled Leonard close. It wasn't tentative or uncertain. In fact, it was the same fluid motion with which Spock had always brought them together when they went to bed. Leonard felt emotion rise within him.

'Oh God, Spock,' he whispered.

'Did I do something wrong?' Leonard pressed close.

'No. Nothing at all, my love. It'll all be fine.' Feeling daring, he pressed his lips against Spock's. They had kissed since they'd returned to their own time, but never with quite so much skin contact. A low hum came from the Vulcan.

'You feel good,' he said. 'I believe that I will wish for more soon, whether or not my memory is clearer than now.' Leonard knew it wasn't tonight, and he'd certainly not make this wonderful being feel he was under any sort of pressure. He smiled and caressed Spock's cheek before snuggling close again.

'I'm sure that can be arranged,' he muttered against the soft skin of Spock's neck. 'I'll have to check my schedule, of course.'

'I have a feeling you will be able to find time for me.' The arms around him tightened for a moment, speaking of a depth of affection Spock couldn't voice and holding a promise for the future. For the first time in too long, Leonard fell asleep with a smile on his face.