No Reason
Snape couldn't understand how it'd happened. How one of his students could do it. Most wouldn't believe it, but Snape watched out for his students… his children. No, he wasn't the one to go to when someone broke up with their significant other and he wouldn't approach them to offer comfort either, but after the war began, he began to carefully watch his students. So many had lost their family in the war, and he didn't want them to do anything stupid. His students were very black and white; they were either strong or not. He focused on the weak ones, the ones more likely to hurt themselves. She hadn't been one of those weak ones, he'd always thought of her as strong. She came into his classroom with a smile on her face ever day. She was kind to the younger children and her classmates, unless you were unkind to her, then you made an enemy. She had never been one to trust people, not even her own parents. She was a very curious child, always getting into trouble. She wasn't a well liked child, but she was loved enough, by her friends, though he knew they weren't true.
"Professor, may I ask you a question?" she asked him as she held her books to her chest.
"What is it?" he snapped as he looked up.
"Do you believe we'll win this war?" she asked him, hope in her amber eyes.
"Go to your next class Miss Laindon."
Why hadn't he seen the hurt in her eyes? The fear behind them? What had she been afraid of? She wasn't the most beautiful girl in the school, but she was pretty in her own way. She was still a baby, not much older then thirteen, with baby fat. She didn't believe on charming herself to make it go away like most girls did.
Snape sighed as he looked down at her file. It held her information as well as a photo.
The photo was a muggle one, with her sitting on a swing, the old fashion kind, attached to a tree. Her hair was held by a headband and her face was slightly turned.
Name: Cecilia Christabella Laindon
Age: 13
DOB: September 12, 1996
Mother: Christabella Cecilia Mathews-Laindon
Father: John Draco Laindon
Siblings: Jaynella Kathryn Laindon (10)
Birth: Muggleborn
Student: Average Grades
NDDWWAB (Number of Deaths in the War was affected by): 3, Uncle Jordan Parker – killed in a muggle village raid, grandmother Kate – death eater attack, Great Aunt Eliza – unknown
Snape felt like throwing a glass at the wall as he thought of the amber eyed girl. She was just one of those girls that had a place in everyone's heart. She came into a classroom so full of life and happiness, despite the dark times that had rained over her years at Hogwarts. She had been the first person most children that had people to grieve for went to. They knew she understood and cared, something that many had lost during the war. Most's hearts had gone cold, but not hers. If anything, the war made her heart warmer, more understanding.
Maybe that was one of the reasons she was gone. Her heart had been vulnerable, she had openly taken in more burden and pain then she could bear.
What pain that was her own could have made her commit such an act? He didn't know. They didn't know. And he wasn't even sure she'd known. Something must have been the final act to cause her to do something so horrible. Had she thought of all the people that would miss her? The entire school seemed to be in morning over the loss of her presence. She had so much talent, raw talent, but talent. She was a wonderful singer (he'd heard her sing a crying first year to sleep), she was a talented artist (but not nearly good enough to even be considered a real artist), she was a pretty good at shooting baskets (though she couldn't play in a real game), and she was great with a child (though even she had her limits). She was great and talented in so many things, but not enough to be noticed.
He'd met her parents once. Her mother, Christabella, was a beautiful woman with long blonde hair and blue eyes with pale skin and a slim body. She was so sweet it was sick, caring for daughters over everything else. Her father was a handsome man with shaggy black hair and amber eyes, her eyes. They'd come to see the school with her when she was ten.
"Professor Snape," Dumbledore said with a smile as he stopped the man before he ran to the dungeons. Snape scowled as he turned to face the elderly man. He had known of the tour Dumbledore was giving the muggle parents along with their daughter. The old fool had told the staff all about it.
"Albus," Snape stated.
"Serevus, this is Christabella and John Laindon, their daughter Cecilia will be joining us in the fall," Dumbledore said with his annoying twinkle.
"Wonderful," Snape said in a deadpan voice
"Oh mother, you should see the all the marvelous books they have. They're simply beautiful; they're about so many magical subjects. Did you know sleeping beauty really existed? As well as snow white and fairies and vampires!" a young girl in a lavender dress that he assumed was Cecilia came running to her mother. Her eyes were large and sparkling like a small child on Christmas morning.
"How wonderful darling," her mother said with smile as she took her child's hands in her own. "Cecilia, this is Professor Snape, he will be one of your teachers."
"Oh really mother?" she gasped in excitement. Snape couldn't believe his eyes, it was like he was watching some television show for the year 1980. "What do you teach?" she asked him. "Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Divination, History of Magic, Potions!" she yelled in excitement.
"Potions," he said dryly.
"Oh I love potions; father bought me hundreds of books with everything from the history of magical potions to advanced potions by the best potion masters in the entire history of magical beings," she said so quickly that Snape had to slow down the words in his head to understand.
"Yes well, you'll only be learning the basics," he stated simply.
"Well, not for long, our beautiful daughter is quit a study. If she reads something she never forgets it. She will be telling you the word for word what she read," her father said proudly.
"Oh yes, she loves to read," Christabella said with a proud smile.
"Great, another know it all," Snape muttered.
"Excuse me?" Christabella asked in anger as she turned to face him.
"It was nothing—"
"It sure didn't sound like nothing, it sounded like you just insulted my daughter," she hissed in anger.
"I will not have someone saying such things to my child," John yelled, backing up his wife.
"Mother please," Cecilia begged as she pulled on her mother's hand.
"I'm sorry darling," she said with a soft smile as she pulled her daughter into a hug.
"Come here Cecilia," John said with a smile as he picked up the child.
She had been so lively and happy back then. How couldn't he have noticed that she had unraveled so much? She was a muggleborn, never taught to close her mind to people like the pureblood children had, but she seemed to make her mind invisible unless her thoughts were looked for.
If only he had searched for them, maybe he could have stopped her.
As he entered his classroom he stared at the rows of desks that third years were just starting to fill. The girl that had always sat next to Cecilia, Lucy, took her normal spot next to the empty air. She kept turning her head, as if looking, waiting for Cecilia to walk in with her books and usual annoying grin.
As Snape taught the lesson, he couldn't help but notice that his lector fell on deaf ears. After a while he sat at his desk and simply watched his students. He noticed how no one noticed that he had stopped his lecture. Most of the young students turned their heads every few minutes to stare at the place their friend and classmate used to sit. It was as if they expected to see her taking notes like she always was.
Snape's thoughts were broken when a sob escaped Lucy's lips. Snape opened his mouth to say something when a pureblood Slytherin princess rose from her seat. She slowly walked over to the crying Gryffindor. Her arms wrapped around the girl's shoulders. It shocked him to see the two girls that had hated each other comfort each other. It was true what they say, tragedy brings people together. He continued to watch as the teary eyed children gathered around the grieving girl. They offered their comfort and it showed just how much these children truly loved each other. Six children disappeared each year at Hogwarts, half end up dead and the other half is never found. Most never blinked an eye but with Cecilia… everyone knew her. Cecilia was known for being hyper and happy, but a mad child who'd lost three people in her life. Two died within two years and the third was dieing and it'd only been four months since the last died.
He hadn't even seen a change in her behavior when they died; she was all smiles and sunshine like always.
It was this thought that made him wonder how many people had gone to the funeral. Cecilia deserved everyone at her funeral, but with the war raging on, large numbers of powerful, vulnerable students and adults was very dangerous and prone to death eater attacks. He hadn't gone, a decision he'd regret for the rest of his life. How many others had gone? Had Jaynella refused to go to the funeral in denial of her sister's death? Had her mother been forced to drag herself out of bed to dress herself for the black event? Had her father racked his brain for a reason when he was told? Had they had to see her body for the reality of the situation to hit them? So many questions had gone through his brain when he heard of the news… but the question that haunted his brain was the question of why she did it? Why had a girl so young and innocent decided to take her life?
Even for years to come, people would try… and fail, to find the reason she killed herself. Suicide is always a sad event. 55% of suicide victims leave a note, Cecilia was one of that percent, but never did she tell them why. Her death had led to many questions. Why did she do it? Could they have done something to prevent it? How long had she been suicidal? Had she woken up that morning and decided she had to leave? Or had something triggered such a response in the child? Could someone have said anything to change her mind? Had she thought that no one would miss her? Had the love she was given not been enough? Was her home really all smiles like she said it was? Did her oh so loving father hit her? Did he sexually abuse her? Did someone rape her? Did listening to everyone's problems finally taken its irreversible toll on her? Had she known why she had to take her life? If asked, could she tell you the reason?
Suicide of a loved one takes a horrible toll on the ones that loved her, Snape included. But the sadness and anger of the event is magnified greatly when you realize that some deaths, just have no reason.
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.
Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..
A/n For those who read any of my other stories, this is NOT another "No Way Out" THis just happens to be a topic I write about ALOT.