Your toes curl uncomfortably as he trails his sharp fangs lightly down your neck, running his nails over the bases of your nubby horns, causing you to turn the other way and clench your eyes shut.
You are sitting in his lap, only his loose tee covering your torso and your boxers on. You have your hands pressed tightly on the back of his neck, your sharp nails digging into your own skin. You legs are behind him, bent at the knees your heels on the ground and your toes in the air.
Twenty minutes ago, this was what you wanted.
You two have been matesprits for almost a sweep now, and in the beginning, pailing was completely out of the question. You didn't even think about it, and neither did he; the only thing you both wanted was a cute little happy matespritship. One you could enjoy without sexual tension or expectations.
About seven perigrees in, though, you guys started fooling around a bit, and you actually woke up a couple of times with more than a few hickeys and bitemarks peppering your chest and neck. Of course this embarrassed you, but it made you happy that he didn't despise your body like you did.
You had never "gone all the way" though, and as of late, you have been finding yourself curious. You both were almost at the age of maturity for pailing, just a few months more and the drones would storm into your shared hive to collect whatever amount of genetic material you can produce. You thought about it quite a bit, and you had no idea what pailing would feel like, since you never experimented with… yourself. You were pretty sure Gamzee did, though, because you've caught him several times. It repulses you and intrigues you at the same time. It looks odd, troll genitalia is odd, trolls in general are odd, but you can't help but feel a little uncomfortably curious when you think about what it is going to feel like.
But you had never gotten up the courage to talk to him about it until today. You walked into his respiteblock, blushing and nervous, and the serious conversation had ended with an "I … I'm pretty sure I want to…"
But now, you're not so sure at all.
And now your shirt is off, your bulge is coming out of its sheath and fuck that feels weird. He hasn't even done anything major yet, and you are already breathing extremely heavily with your vascular pump nearly pounding out of your ribcage. It isn't until you start to shake violently that he stops and leans back, looking up worriedly at you.
"You okay br-"
"YEAH!" You cut him off nervously, not wanting to disappoint him, because you know that he wants this.
He eyes you skeptically, raising one eyebrow.
"You wanna sto-"
"YEAH!"
He just smiles softly, much to your surprise, leaning up to kiss your cheek. You can tell he feels just the tiniest bit disappointed, and at this, you just can't hold back the waterworks behind a grumpy facade.
As soon as your bright red tears start streaming down your cheeks, he pulls you close, resting your head on his chest. You are nearly bent in half, what with your feet still behind him, but you wrap them around his back, bringing your arms down to meet them, quietly sniffling and staining his gray skin with your tears.
This is not like you at all, and you hate it when this happens.
"Shoosh brother, it's all up and motherfuckin' chill. We ain't gonna continue," he mumbles into your hair, kissing the top of your head sweetly.
"I-I'm sorry…" you whisper, beath still shaky from crying.
"It's all up and good Karkat, if you ain't ready, you ain't motherfuckin' ready. Simple as that. I ain't up an' wantin' to force myself on my best motherfuckin' bro if he isn't okay with it. That ain't cool," he says, resting his chin on your head and stroking your bare back gently.
You relax on him a bit, nuzzling your cheek and ear on top of his blood pusher, hearing the slow thumping inside. You wonder what your sorry ass did to deserve a matesprit like him, but it was obviously something fucking great.
"I love you, Gamzee," you whisper, half of you wanting to scream it to the whole of Alternia and the other half screaming at you to keep in inside.
"Love ya too, Karbrother," he says happily, smiling and pulling your chin up to peck you on the lips.
"M-Maybe," you stutter out, blushing deeply, "Maybe we could try… Another time?... Soon?"
"Whatever the motherfuck ya want, my wicked redbro. Just… I wanna make sure you're ready so you can up and enjoy it," he sighs out, still smiling sweetly at you.
You lean back on his chest, trying to get closer to him that physically possible, smiling internally.
You may not be quite ready yet, but…
At least you can trust him completely when the time comes.