Gojyo stepped in front of Sanzo but the priest fell anyway. His hand crushed an already smashed glass embedding the shards. I watched as he tried to shake it off and turned to Gojyo. "Finish this kappa." He headed upstairs and I followed him after I made sure Gojyo had things under control. My friend was grinning as he charged into the fray.
I opened the door to the monk's room. I heard the water running and leaned against the bathroom door frame. "Sanzo?" He looked up. "May I help you with that?"
"Might as well." He snapped.
I went to my bag and brought back tweezers and peroxide. "You might want to remove your robe so it doesn't get bloody."
"Right" He struggled one handedly with the sash. "Fuck" he looked up at me.
I stepped closer and untied the knot, he tried to pull away, but I gave him a stern look. He allowed me to help him shrug out of the garment. "You know Sanzo your leather is going to have to come off too."
"Go ahead" He grunted.
I slid the leather down his arm and tried to be gentle pulling it over his palm. He hissed as the tight material scrapped over his bleeding flesh. "Sorry"
"It's fine." He sat down placing his hand on the table. "Go ahead Doc poke away."
I laughed and took my seat. "Now do try to hold still." I held his hand in both of mine examining it. "Looks like nothing went too deep and by washing it the smaller shards were dislodged. Ready?" I looked up into his eyes.
"Yeah get on with it." He grumbled.
"Yes Sanzo." I bent my head and began plucking out the remaining shards.
"What was the fight over this time?" I tried to distract him from my prodding.
"God damned kappa messing with some man's woman. I happened to be too close and got dragged in to the mess." He winced as I pulled a large piece from deep in his palm.
"I have some whiskey if that will help." I stood and brought a bottle and glass.
"Umph" He skipped the glass and took a long pull of the fiery liquid. "Good"
"Yes, I found it in the last town." I gave him a small smile.
"I see and you were planning on keeping it for yourself?" He put his hand back down, but not on the table as before but in mine. Sanzo's skin was warm, but rough on his palm where he held the gun. His thumb was calloused from pulling the hammer back so often as he threatened the others into silence.
"No, I had intended to share it with a friend." He took another long drink, cocked an eyebrow at being referred to as friend and then looked me in the eyes. "Does it hurt that much Sanzo?"
"You know I've had worse, you've seen me all mangled and bloody." He shrugged and took another sip. "This stuff is really good." His cheeks took on a pink hue.
"If you drink too much it will thin the blood." I removed the last of the shards and placed the tweezers on the table. He had settled back in his chair and watched me with those beautiful eyes.
"Too late I already had quite a few down stairs." He stood up and walked to the bed. If someone didn't know Sanzo they would not think he was intoxicated, but I did know him and he was well on his way to a vicious hangover.
"Sanzo would you like me to get you some water and possibly some aspirin?" I sat next to him on the bed, close enough to catch a smell of his shampoo.
"I'm fine I said, just finish with me alright." He flopped back and held out his hand. "Seal it up Hakkai."
I gathered a small amount of healing chi and sent it in to Sanzo's hand. The wounds healed cleanly and I wiped away any remaining spots of blood. "All fixed." I smiled down at him.
"Too bad you can't do that for people's hearts." He said cryptically as he covered his eyes with his arm.
"Yes, it would make life for a few of us a lot easier." I tucked my leg under me so I could sit on the bed and watch Sanzo. We didn't get a lot of time alone and I was going to savor it.
"Umpf." He grunted. "Hold still, you're making me dizzy."
"That would be the whiskey." I patted his shoulder and chuckled. Sometimes Sanzo surprised me with his humor, but what really shocked me was his hand reaching up and grabbing mine. I turned back to look into his eyes. "Sanzo?"
"Yes" His expression didn't change, but his grip did.
"Are you unwell?" His gaze made me feel the tingle that has been nagging at pit of my stomach for sometime.
"Not any more than you are." Sanzo intertwined his fingers in mine and put them over his heart. "Fix it."
"You sure you are alright?" I was not quite sure what he wanted me to fix, but I had an idea. I moved my free hand to cover our joined ones. "I can't fix it Sanzo, you know that."
"I know." He sat up and leaned against the wall, pulling me with him. He tugged and I landed next to him on my side. "But you can ease it a little."
"I don't think you want me to do that." I was torn between taking him in my arms and trying to soothe him or walking away so I wouldn't have to fix my own heart, I hesitated and waited for Sanzo.
"Maybe, but whatever I don't care." He shifted his lean body closer to mine.
I could feel his heat penetrating my shirt and I took a deep breath. "You do care or else you wouldn't have asked me to help you."
He let go of my hand and pushed away. "I don't need help from anyone." He snapped at me.
"Sorry, I know how strong you are." I shifted to my knees and pressed my hand back to his chest. "Maybe I could send a little chi to your heart and help break down the wall that prevents you from healing."
"Oh, like your wall is any easier to get through." He raised his eyebrow and gave me the look that makes my throat dry and my heart jump.
I lay down on the bed and faced him. I never know how far I can push Sanzo before he gets angry and lashes out. "So very true." I noticed how he moved slightly closer. "But I need my walls to stay sane, to keep the beast at bay."
"Exactly." He tapped me on the forehead.
"And what beast do you keep under control?" I rested my head on my folded arm and gazed up at him.
"Nothing I can't handle." He rolled over and picked up the bottle. "Want some?"
"I suggest that you don't drink any more or else tomorrow may be difficult." I followed the bottle with my eyes as it traveled to his lips.
"Looks like you would like a little." He smirked.
"It looks like you are intoxicated and I should leave so you can sleep it off." I began to rise, but Sanzo pinned me down.
"Stop your shit Hakkai. You know and I know what we both want." He looked down at me.
"I'm sure I don't." I wanted to fight him off, but my body had already begun to betray me.
"You're an intelligent man Hakkai figure it out, your body already has." He pressed his ass against my embarrassing erection.
"But as you have said before, the body is weak and knows only instinct." I bit my lip to prevent my hips from pushing up into the inviting warmth.
"True, but sometimes it is wiser in its base ways than the head." He rotated his hips and ground into me making the offer quite clear.
"Ah, yes well…sorry. I really should go Sanzo. It's obvious…I'm having control issues." I had to get out from under him or I may seriously loose it.
He ran his hands down my chest and across my stomach. "I can tell."
"Sanzo, you are drunk and talking nonsense. I'm going to go before I do something we might regret." I pushed him off me and stood up. I realized I was breathing hard and I tried to still my pulse.
He lay back on the bed and gave me a piercing look. "So you admit something could happen between us Hakkai?"
"Yes….I …no it wouldn't be wise." I opened the door and stepped into the hall. "I'm sorry Sanzo."
"Whatever."
I shut the door and returned to my room. I threw myself on the bed and slammed by fist into the pillows. "You are a damn fool Cho Hakkai, a damn fool and a coward."
Two weeks after our conversation I knew I had to confront the monk. He had not spoken to me the entire time except to tell me to stop in the next town and warn me of danger. I had plenty of time to think about what had transpired between us and I was heartsick over my reaction. The pass was flooded and we would be staying put for a least another day in the current town. So I plucked up my nerve and decided after dinner would be the right time. I took a shower, dressed in jeans and a decent shirt. I found the correct room and stood looking at the number painted on it. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Sanzo, I need to speak with you."
He opened the door in nothing more than a towel. "What the hell do you want Hakkai?"
"I had hoped to make things right between us; the other two are starting to worry." I leaned on the door jam and tried not to stare at his chest.
"Let them, I really don't have anything to say to you." He turned and I grabbed his shoulder.
"Then just listen." I entered the room and locked the door behind me.
"Fine, but let me put some pants on." When he returned from the bath room he had on a pair of his tight black jeans. He sat down on the bed and waited for me to begin.
I had to look somewhere other than his body or I'm sure this wouldn't end well. "Sanzo, I apologize for my actions. I have been thinking and realized that I was being a coward, I was afraid of letting myself feel again. I also came to the conclusion that even though you were intoxicated, you bared yourself to me and I rejected you. I was too concerned about keeping myself safe and didn't pay any attention to your words. I realize now how much courage it took for you to express yourself the way you did." I sat down on the bed, far enough away that if he decided to shoot me I might be able to doge it.
"If you came here just to soothe your wounded pride, then forget it you might as well leave now. I don't want to hear how sorry you are. I defiantly don't want to hear how you plan to make it up to me. I know you Hakkai, you won't be happy until you do, but I don't care." He stood up and crossed to the window. Taking a cigarette off the ledge he lit up and stared out into the evening sky.
"Alright, then I won't tell you how much I regretted walking out that night. I wanted to stay a show you exactly how much I wanted you. I have wanted you since the time you chanted those words at the site of my sister's death" I was standing behind him and I could see his reflection in the glass. He had a look in his eyes that was hard to read, somewhere between anger and need. I took the stick from his fingers, took a drag and then snuffed it out.
He turned around. I couldn't tell if he wanted to kill me or kiss me. Sanzo reached around the back of my neck and took a handful of hair. Ripples of pleasure ran from where his fingers touched me all the way down my spine and I shivered.
"I don't want you, now get out." Sanzo tightened his grip and then pushed me away. "I made a mistake trusting you with my feelings."
I tried not to stumble. "No Sanzo, you didn't make a mistake." I moved back toward him and luckily I was fast enough to catch his fist as he swung at me. I pinned both his hands behind his back and he was forced to press his bare chest against me.
"You better fucking let me go." He snarled. My monk was beautiful even in his anger.
"Not this time Sanzo." I gave him a serious look as I guided him backward toward the bed. I let go of his arms and shoved him.
He reached for his gun and swore. "You are lucky my gun is in my robe, it gives you one chance to make me change my mind about killing you."
"That was what I was trying to do, stop being so stubborn." I straddled his hips and pinned his arms before he could try and hit me again. "I guess I'll just have to show you." I crushed my lips to his and felt him go ridged. He bit my lip hard and I tasted blood. I sat back and wiped it away with the back of my hand.
"Idiot. I always knew you would resort to violence to get what you wanted" He wiggled out from under me and picked up the Smith & Wesson from the table. "You think I'm going to be that easy, I won't succumb to your charms. I'm not your little kappa."
"I have no illusions that you are, he is much more agreeable." I knelt on the bed and faced Sanzo. He pushed the muzzle into my chest and pulled back the hammer. "Go ahead Sanzo."
"I should, it will put you out of your misery."
I could feel the cool metal dig into my skin as I was forced to my back. "I tried to get you to do that four years ago, but you insisted that I live."
"You are so fucking pathetic. You have no idea what you're playing at." He sneered at me, his eyes cold. "I made one attempt at being open; actually asking for what I want and you destroyed it with your stupidity."
He pulled the trigger, the sound was deafening. I felt the bullet rip a path through my chest as it lodged into the bed. "Awwgh" I grunted at the pain. With my ears ringing, I was barely able to look down at the pool of blood that was now spreading. I lay back, knowing my lung had collapsed. I gazed up at Sanzo and he had a look of horror in his eyes.
"Hakkai…I" He looked toward the door.
The last thing I saw was a flash of red and the sensation of being lifted.
I assumed I was really dead this time. When I cracked open my good eye I saw swirls of bright color. The surface I was laying on was soft and cool and the air smelled of exotic teas and spices. I tried to sit up, but found myself bound at the wrists and waist. "Ex…excuse me" my voice was raspy and I cleared my throat. "Hello?"
"Ah, my sleeping beauty awakes." A female voice, soft and low came from the left.
I waited until she came into my line of sight. "Why am I bound?"
"You are quite a fighter. I had to stop you from pulling out the tubes." She was about my age and very beautiful.
"I'm terribly sorry miss." She untied my bonds. "May I have some water?"
"You are such a gentleman." She helped me drink the cool water. "Better?"
"Yes, where am I?" I was able to sit up this time.
"You, my handsome patient are at my home; it also serves as the local hospital." She smiled. "You were a mess when you came in, but you should be alright now. I did have to take your limiters off though, you would have died otherwise."
Hakkai looked at her horrified. "I…you shouldn't have done that, I didn't hurt you did I?" I touched my limiters, just to make sure they were tight.
"Don't worry, your friend stayed with me and helped." She moved around the room then checked on the bandages.
"I hope my friend didn't cause you too much trouble, he is a terrible flirt." I gave her a small smile.
"He was no trouble at all. In fact he helped me hold you as took the bullet out and you were able to heal yourself." She sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed the covers. "You guys are good friends right? He sure looked worried."
"Yes, we're pretty close." I imagined Gojyo's worried face.
"Lovers?" She blushed prettily.
"No, just friends." I wondered why most women I met thought I was gay.
"Ah, well then maybe I shouldn't tell you….but he was holding your hand, wouldn't let go and ah….he kissed you so sweetly when I told him you were going to be alright." She really was cute when she blushed.
"It's alright, he's like that."
"Oh, he didn't seem like the affectionate type, he didn't talk much."
"Really? Gojyo usually has lots to say." I touched lips as if I was trying to recall the feeling.
"Gojyo is the red head right?'
"Yes."
"He brought you here, but the blond chased him out. That's who I was talking about."
I was shocked. Sanzo stayed by me and kissed me in front of a stranger no less. "He's the one that shot me."
"Whatever for? Well that is none of my business." She patted my leg and stood. "I'll leave you to rest."
"Thank you for everything." I made myself comfortable and took a nap.
When I woke for the second time, I felt much better. My body had healed itself fully and I left with only a small scar. Oh well what's one more.
"Come on Doc. I've been a good boy so far, let me see him." Gojyo's voice had drifted down the hall and I smiled.
"Just for a few moments and no smoking you hear?"
"Yes ma'am." Gojyo popped his head in through doorway. "Hey buddy you're awake."
"Yes, thanks to you Gojyo. I'm sorry I caused such a fuss."
"Don't give me that sorry crap; it's the monk that should be sorry." He sat on the edge of the bed.
"No, I did something I should not have and he let me know my actions were not appreciated." I plucked at the blanket torn between telling Gojyo what really happened and keeping it to myself.
"Shit, but to fuckin' shoot you? What did you do kiss him?" He grabbed my hand. "That's it isn't?" He bent his head to look in my eyes. "Damn Kai, why him he's a cold hearted bastard."
"I don't honestly know Gojyo, but I think he needs me to care for him."
He sighed and pushed me over to make space for himself. "I always knew you were crazy, but to base a relationship on the fact that someone may need you, I might as well shack up with the monkey. He needs me to watch his back and keep him out of trouble.
"Well I have never been reasonable when love is concerned." I leaned against his bony shoulder. "But I'm sure we are done with all that, he made it very clear my attention is unwelcome."
"Yeah I would say the message is clear." He curled his fingers in mine. "Well ya still got me."
"I'm glad; I am very fond of you Gojyo." I rested my head on him and closed my eyes.
"This is fucking cute" Sanzo's irritated voice broke though my peace and quiet.
"Hey man, you don't have to be jealous." Gojyo tightened his grip. "There is enough Gojyo to go around." He smirked.
"Piss off kappa; I need to talk to him." He glared at the red head.
"Fine, I'll go make sure we can get you out of here Kai." He turned and kissed my cheek before he left.
"If that little scene was for my benefit, I'm not amused." He sat scowling at me.
"No Sanzo, Gojyo was just keeping me company." I folded my hands and watched him.
"Oh, I see" he sneered.
"That's just how he is; you should know that by now." I could tell he wanted to talk, but I didn't feel like making it easy for him. "He likes to show his affection in non lethal ways."
"I should have aimed for your head." He grumbled.
"Then who would drive?" I gave him by brightest smile.
"Shut up Hakkai. I want to tell you something and I'm only going to do this once." He moved to lock the door.
I smoothed my features and sat up. "I'm listening Sanzo."
"I'm sorry." He was leaning against the door with his head down. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Apology accepted Sanzo. I'm fine now so all is forgiven."
He moved across the small room like he was stalking his prey. "You don't understand." He leaned over the bed, his leather clad arm brushing by hair as he held on to the head board. "Your rejection hurt me and then your kiss frightened me, I was confused and lashed out the only way I know how."
"I was foolish as well to think I could start a relationship while on this mission." I slowly raised my hand to his cheek.
"No, we could all die in the end." He actually leaned into my tentative touch.
"Very true."
"Hakkai, I…I'm not good at this." He let a small portion of the hard wall fall and I saw the look of a lonely, frightened man.
"I know" I brought his lips close to mine.
Sanzo stiffened and then after he realized I was not going to push, he relaxed. "I'm not a woman Hakkai; you don't need to treat me tenderly."
"I would never forget you are a man Sanzo, full of pride and stubbornness."
"And you are a demon full of tricks and half truths." He glared.
"You always knew that." I lay back on the pillow.
"I did and fell for you anyway." Sanzo almost smiled.
"Well, what should we do now?" I watched as he sat on the bed.
"Nothing, I won't get between you and the kappa. I should have kept my mouth shut and just left it alone." He sighed and stood. "I'm glad I didn't kill you."
I didn't want him to go, but I wasn't going to beg him to stay. There was so much he didn't understand. "Sanzo, about Gojyo and me…"
"Save it. I always knew you too were a little too close, even for best friends." He sneered at me.
"Believe what you want, but I care for you as well Sanzo." I knew he wouldn't understand the complexity of my relationship with Gojyo.
"Yeah, well I don't share; you need to make a choice Hakkai." He turned and almost ran in to Gojyo as he reentered the room.
"Whoa, sorry your holiness." He slipped past and stood at the end of the bed. "Doc says you are free to go."
"Good, I'm sure Sanzo is anxious to get back on the road." I stood and realized I was in just my underwear. "Oh, where are my clothes?"
"I'll get them." He stepped out and returned with them in a neat stack. "She washed them up and even stitched them for ya."
"Then will have to thank her." I pulled on my jeans and slipped the shirt over my head. As my head popped out of the top I noticed Gojyo looking intently at me. "Gojyo?"
He shook his head. "Sorry, I just was trying to figure out how he could stand over you and pull the trigger."
"He was very angry." I shrugged, how else could I explain it?
"Yeah so you've said." He put an arm around my shoulder.
We stopped to thank the doctor again and she patted my cheek. She blushed at the compliment Gojyo gave her and smiled as she noted his arm around me. He had shifted it to my waist and I let him play the protective lover, it seemed to make him happy.
On the way back to the inn, I thought about what Sanzo had said. I guess I needed to make a choice and stop acting like a fool. I could stay with Gojyo and in this odd relationship we have or choose Sanzo and maybe never know the love and closeness I crave, but did not deserve.
"Stop thinking so hard, you're giving me a headache." Gojyo had poked me in the ribs.
"I'm sorry. I was just thinking." I gave him a calm smile. "Let's get back to the hotel."
We walked back through town. Gojyo still had his arm around me and the town's folk noticed and either looked away or scowled. "Don't mind them they are just jealous cuz I got a beauty on my arm and they don't"
"Good lord Gojyo you are such a devious rake." I laughed and felt a little better.
We were met by Goku looking flustered. "He's gone; he got all pissed and took off."
"What? Gone where?" Gojyo let go of me and grabbed Goku.
"I don't know he was really pissed off and grumbled something about foolish people and stalked out." He was bouncing around agitated.
"You two search the town I'll head down by the river." I was worried for Sanzo. He was strong, but still a human. "Damn stubborn man." I cursed as I searched for our priest.