Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.

A/N: A new story, I know, how terrible of me! This is written mostly as a stress reliever because, wow, life sucks right now. This fic will have copious amount of smut at one point, and the full scenes will be posted on my Ao3 account: NikkiGrand.

Pairings: Team 7/Sakura

The Scroll

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If there was one thing the ninja of Konoha were universally aware of, it was that gossip traveled fast. In the amount of time it took for a person to whisper in another's ear, a certain blonde kunoichi was already gossiping to her pink haired friend about what she'd heard, and said cotton candy haired female would then casually tell her other loud mouthed blonde best friend over ramen, who would move on to scream it from the top of the Hokage mountain for all the world to hear.

So it was really no surprise when Kakashi (and Genma, and Raido, and Kotetsu, and Ebisu) came crashing through all of the windows in Tsunade's office to beg her for the mission scroll containing the details to the A-ranked escort mission. Normally, shinobi avoided escort missions like the plague; they were more often than not uneventful, and most shinobi hated catering to snobby little lords and ladies. However, these missions were vital to the village's prosperity, and Tsunade didn't give a flying rat's ass if her ninja didn't want to go on those types of escort missions—they were going.

And if they thought they had a choice…well, she'd simply punt them through five layers of sedimentary rock for just thinking they did. Besides, the Elemental Nations were in a time of relative peace, so escort missions were essentially Jonin pay for a Genin task. She couldn't fathom why anyone would turn down easy money, but these younger generations were different.

Tsunade's honey eyes scanned each and every pleading eyeball (Kakashi's best impression of his summons was in full effect, that brat), then narrowed at Ebisu's pleading hands, Genma's trembling lower lip, and the other two's ridiculous glossy eyed supplicating stares with their hands clasped behind their backs.

Very different, indeed.

"What the hell do you idiots want?" She crossed her hands over her generous chest as she leaned back in her chair, watching with ill-concealed amusement as each man stumbled over each other in an attempt to speak first.

She, of course, already knew what they wanted from her—she wasn't elected as the Godaime Hokage solely for her fists of fury, y'know—but the day had been an absolute bore and Shizune had hidden her sake again.

Also, Naruto was very loud.

"Tsunade-sama—er, Hokage-sama!" Genma gasped from where he was being held under Kakashi's armpit, "I hear you have an escort mission for, like, right away, and, y'know I just so happen to be free—"

His sentence was cut off with a choke as Kakashi's arm tightened around his neck, and the latter man sent her that annoying eye-smile of his.

"Maa, Tsunade-sama," God, his voice was so sickeningly sweet. What happened to that pole-assed brat she met over 20 years ago? She missed him. "Genma here is actually very busy spreading his germs around the village—"

"Hey!"

"Therefore, he can't go."

Tsunade raised a finely shaped blonde brow. "Is that so?"

Kakashi nodded sagely, and by the slight tensing of the muscles of his forearm and Genma's reddening face, he's determined to either strangle the poor man or make him pass out.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," he replied smoothly, voice falsely sympathetic, "It's a shame really. Genma here," Genma who was digging his nails into Kakashi's arm and practically wheezing, "is a fine ninja. I, however, am readily available. Every day. Specifically, on those mission dates."

"Kakashi," Tsunade snapped, her fingers itching to reach for the paperweight on top of her mountain of paperwork, "Let go of Shiranui or you're definitely not going."

He let go of Genma instantly and took a large step away from him, his hands held by his sides, and shrugged helplessly at his friend's somewhat betrayed glare.

And to think all of this was for porn.

Before the other three man-children in her office started pleading their cases, Tsunade pulled out five random mission scrolls from the APPROVED drawer in her desk and placed them in front of her. One of them had the details to that ridiculous A-ranked mission and the others were basic escort or courier missions.

She didn't particularly care who went on the damned mission, she just wanted the buffoonery to end. Hell, if the mission wasn't for personnel strictly over the age of 18, she'd have already sent a team of freshly minted Genin on it for mission experience—it was that easy.

And, if it didn't pay so damn much, she would have sent it back to the pits of Hell from whence it came.

Gesturing towards the five scrolls before her, Tsunade had each man choose one. They were uniform on the outside, so no one—not even she—knew what scroll contained the mission. It was fair, undebatable, and hopefully they'd leave her alone.

But if Raido's disappointed face was anything to go by, she was about to be subjected to many man-tears within the next ten minutes. She heard a sniffle come from Ebisu and she braced herself; men crying over porn was never pretty and she had Jiraiya to thank for those experiences. Genma groaned as his eyes scanned the details of his scroll, while Izumo merely sighed.

The only person who was conspicuously devoid of a reaction was Kakashi.

The man calmly placed his scroll inside his hip pouch, patted it once, and then pulled out his ever-present smut novel to bury his nose in it. Well? What did his scroll say? If she were to go by how much his current attitude juxtaposed the one he had when he first crashed into her office, she'd say that he didn't get the scroll either—but she knew better. The other shinobi in the room stared at him curiously, and Tsunade sighed. Hokages help her, the man was a pain in the ass.

"Hatake," she deadpanned, exasperated at the fact that she had to ask the obvious question, and grit her teeth when the man hummed in response. She was going to ban those goddamn books and movies from her village after this, Jiraiya's legacy be damned. "Do you have the scroll?"

"Oh," Kakashi intoned, sparing her a brief glance from over his book, "yes, I do."

Tsunade nearly groaned—professionalism and appearances be damned—but instead reached for the necessary paperwork she needed to fill out stating he was undertaking the mission. The faster she briefed him on his task, the faster he'd be out of her hair with his annoying flippancy.

"Then I trust you understand the parameters of this mission, all the necessary risks, and coverable expenses," the usual mission briefing drivel was said offhandedly as she neatly scribbled his name on the forms, "This is a two-man mission, and I expect you to work with your partner cohesively and effectively."

"Ah, yes, Tsunade-sama," Oh, so now the brat wanted to respect her, how convenient, "The scroll did mention a two-man team."

Tsunade observed him expectantly because she had just said that it was a two-man mission, but Kakashi was not one for meaningless reiteration.

"So," the silver headed man jerked a thumb at Genma, "I volunteer this snazzy ol' shinobi right here as my mission partner."

Genma gasped and placed a hand over his heart, his lower lip quivering slightly, "Bro…"

The boy thought he could choose? Oh, how precious.

"No." Tsunade flatly replied as she went back to filling in the blanks in the forms. God, she hated paperwork. At this rate, she'd die of carpel tunnel or something equally as pathetic—like being bored to death. She, the Senju Tsunade, one-third of the Legendary Three, dead at the hands of a papercut—imagine that?

The blonde headed woman ignored the other three's sniggers as Genma and Kakashi fired off rapid reasons as to why they should be partnered up on this mockery of a mission in favor of neatly writing the characters to his partner's name. She supposed that she should ask the other party if they'd be willing to go on the mission, but she was the Hokage—she can do whatever she wants.

Gathering the forms together and stamping them with her official seal, Tsunade was pleased with her choice. The girl needed a vacation—she was driving her crazy.

Tsunade-shishou, what is your opinion on the Uchiha clan's ocular degeneration?

Tsunade-shishou! I refined your super-strength technique!

Tsunade-shishou! I'm in the process of reforming all of the new medics' training curriculum and then rearranging their training jackets in alphabetical order!

Therefore, when Sakura said, "I don't need a vacation, Tsunade-shishou! I love my job!"

Tsunade heard, "Tsunade-shishou, I'm totally and completely overworked but I just can't stay away from the hospital or the training grounds! Please send me on a vacation!

Sakura was a great kunoichi and medic-nin, but the girl didn't know how to stop. That type of dedication and work ethic was great during wartime, but they had been in a wonderful state of peace for a long time now. There was no reason why she couldn't take a vacation, relax, and maybe get laid for once.

God, the girl needed a good romp in the sack—maybe that way she'd spend most of her time in bed than tending to others in theirs. Their sick beds, that is.

What better way to awaken that long dormant libido than by sending her to the set of a porno and the subsequent premier?

Tsunade smirked as she felt the subject of her thoughts making her way rapidly towards her office. Speak of the devil and she shall appear, right? The girl had an uncanny way of knowing when people were talking about her.

But then Tsunade realized that it was Sakura's turn to handle the mission archives that week and her nostrils flared. The doors to her office opened and a pastel pink head peered from around a large stack of paperwork with a breathless grin.

"Tsunade-shishou!" Don't say it, Sakura, don't you dare, "I've got some forms for you to fill out for the genin participating in Sand's chunnin exams this year! Then I have those statements, regarding that incident where the guard was caught—ahem—engaging in coitus while he was supposed to be manning the walls, that you need to read and sign. Oh! And the council has also sent you the files to every ANBU member to review for promotion."

If Tsunade were allowed to quit, she'd quit. But instead, she points at Sakura as the rosette places the stack of papers on her desk and says, "Sakura, you're going on a mission."

Then she points at Kakashi, "Kakashi, Sakura is your mission partner."

"What." Both deadpan, but Tsunade is already throwing a voucher containing their mission stipend at their heads.

"Kakashi, fill Sakura in on the mission details," she directs as both stare at her with wide eyes—Sakura more so than Kakashi—and quickly loses her patience when they open their mouths to question her.

"You're dismissed, all of you!"

They all snap to attention at her bark and, in unison, formally bow to her before turning and leaving her office. Sakura spares a look back, but quickly shuffles out when Tsunade hurls her paperweight at her head.

The blonde eases back into her plush chair with a sigh while rubbing her temples, stopping mid-motion as an errant breeze drifts through the destroyed windows and scatters most of the paperwork on her desk around the room.

"You there!" She barks at the ANBU guard stationed at her door and he snaps to attention, "Find someone to fix these goddamn windows!"

"Hai, Hokage-sama!"

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