Hp fanfiction:
LYYYKKKK OMAGAWD HOGWARTZZZ PROMMMMZZZ!
It was the night of Hogwarts prom, and everyone was ready to get swilled. All year they had been waiting for this. It was their one chance, to get as crunksauce as they wanted. Fred and George had prepared two handles of firewhiskey, which they would be pouring into the pumpkin juice. Nobody would stay at the ball long. They would make their appearance, and then they would take a party-broom into the forbidden forest, where they would camp out and play ruit with the 6 racks of butterbeer they snagged from a liquor shop in Magic-chester, the town right next door to Hogsmede.
Harry sat in his room, contemplating the upcoming ball. He was nervous. Would he make a fool of himself? He had recently gotten the reputation of rapist because of his "loose" hands when he got crunksauce. He wondered, would they tell him to get the fuck out of the tent, or would he be able to stay inside with Hermione and Ginny? Would he mack it? Or would he be banished into the forest, to deal with wild Ford Anglias and creepin werewolves?
In the room across the hall, meanwhile, Hermione and Ginny were both also worried, but for a different reason. They had attempted to make jello shots, but Ginny had messed up the incantation and the jello was not solidified enough. They wondered if they would care. They wondered if they would be sober enough to place the confundus charm on the breathalyzers and get into the ball undetected. Hermione slipped on her skin tight bandage dress, and asked Ginny if she looked all right. "Not slutty enough," said Ginny. "Remember, the band is LMFWO (Laughing my fucking wand off). Go all out."
When they got to the dance, however, all their fears were dispelled. Everyone was drunk and grinding up on the dancefloor. LMFWO was great, and they were all swaying to the music, waving their hands in the air as the main singer shouted, "If you aint getting drunk, get the FUCK out of Hogwarts! Now where my witch and wizards, let me see your hands up!" They looked around them, and though they could recognize their fellow classmates, they had never seen them acting like this. Cho Chang, who was usually the good girl of the grade, was hooking up with some Indian wizard. Even Dean Thomas had a bloody lip, a result of being bitten by Hannah Abbott mid hook-up. It wasn't hot.
The 20 witches and wizards in Harry's after party stumbled over to the broom that would take them into the heart of the forbidden forest. When they arrived, Fred and George immediately poured the butterbeer and started a game of ruit, their one true passion in life. They recruited Parvati and Padma Patil as their teammates, not because they could be anything but lightweights themselves, but because Fred and George hoped to hook up with them before the end of the night. Harry found himself surrounded by hot witches. His goal – to get them all drunk by surruptitiously filling their red goblets again and again with a replenishing charm. He tried to use a bad pick up line on Hermione, but she just said, "Shut the fuck up" and walked away. She was not drunk. In one corner, the Hufflepuff kids (they had attempted to merge houses for this party) were playing slap dat goblin. "If only the daily prophet could see me now" Harry thought to himself. He sipped from his red goblet, and enjoyed the party.
Soon they all retired to the tents, ready to go to sleep. They all yelled at the indian wizard to get the fuck out of the tent, and so Harry accompanied him for a short nature walk in the forest.
"Do I recadognize this placasfe?" he asked Harry
"Nah, you're just drudnkal. Just friends? I love Hogwartzzz!" said Harry
Yet they should have known better. For in their drunk stupor, they had stumbled right into the lair of Aragog, Hagrid's giant-ass spider pet who ate humans.
He ate them. That's all.