Once upon a time, Gaston was in his tavern, counting his trophies. As he looked up at the Borg Queen's head mounted on his wall, he sighed deeply. His heart yearned for adventure.

"It's been way too long since we've been on an adventure, Lefou," he told his wacky midget sidekick.

"What are you talking about, Gaston?" said Lefou, pouring himself a glass of beer. Unfortunately, he tripped on Gaston's bear skin rug and spilled the beverage all over his face as he landed on the floor. He was such a wacky midget.

"Look at all of the trophies on my wall, Lefou," said Gaston. "When's the last time I added a new one to my collection? I think that the most recent one is the head of the Belrog, and I slayed that beast years ago."

"So, why not just go on another adventure?" suggested Lefou, trying to get up. Unfortunately, he slipped on his now empty beer glass and fell flat on the floor, breaking his back. He was such a wacky midget.

"That's it, Lefou!" said Gaston, snapping his fingers. "And I know just the person to go to about adventures: My good friend John Smith!"

He went over to the telephone and dialed John Smith's number.

"Hello, John Smith?" he said into the phone. "I want to go on an adventure. Come and see me in my tavern."

He hung up the phone, sat down on his chair which used to be a moose, and waited.

Three years later, John Smith arrived.

"Hello, old friend," said John Smith as he entered the tavern. "What can I do for you?"

"I want to go on an adventure," said Gaston. "Know of any lost treasures to find or savage beasts to hunt down?"

John Smith stepped over Lefou on the floor and helped himself to a beer. After taking a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long sip, he spoke.

"There is one lost treasure I've heard stories about," he said slowly. "But I'm not sure if you'd be interested in it or not."

"Go on," said Gaston.

"It's called the Black Cauldron," said John Smith. "It's said to be so powerful that whoever finds it could rule the world. Many men have searched for it. None have returned."

"How can I find it?" said Gaston, now quite interested.

"We'd have to go back to Virginia," said John Smith. "Only Grandmother Willow knows wheres the Black Cauldron is."

"Who's Grandmother Willow?" asked Gaston.

"Um...she's a talking tree," said John Smith, scratching the back of his neck. "Don't ask."

"Well then that settles it," said Gaston, getting up from his chair which used to be a moose. "Come with me on this great adventure, John Smith. I'd normally ask for Lefou to come with me, but he broke his back. Also, come to think of it, I haven't fed in him three years, so he's probably dead."

"But it will take us ages to get to Virginia," said John Smith. "My ship can only go but so fast."

"My dear friend," said Gaston with a small chuckle. "Who said anything anything about taking a ship?"

"Then how the hell are we supposed to get across the ocean?" asked John Smith, confused.

"You've forgotten one thing, Smith," said the hunter. "No one swims like Gaston."