AN: Sorry guys be warned I'm still on a sad one. AU Death-fic inbound. Jack mourns the loss of Sam. Fic filled with such deep heartache that it may make his behaviour seem a little OC. Tragedy and Hurt without the comfort. AU Season 6. J. O'Neill. Rated T.
SUMMARY: Jack stands alone on the cold ashes of what proved to be Carter's final battlefield. He hadn't been there to save her and for what they said was his own personal wellbeing, he had been forbidden to travel to this planet to witness firsthand the exact circumstances of the suffering and death she had endured.
***WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED!***
LAST WITNESS TO.
Tears streamed down his face as he looked around. This was it, this was the place that Carter had made her last stand. Now he knew why they had forbidden him to come here but he was stubborn and found a way. Against orders and against all basic protocols he had gated from one off-world gate to the next and he would be back before any of the other teams even knew he was gone. Teal'c knew of course, no-one could sneak out from under the mighty jaffa's radar, not even the practiced and skilled Colonel Jack O'Neill, not that at the moment he wasn't feeling all that skilled. He was feeling miniscule and broken.
"I'm sorry Carter." he whispered as he used the back of his hand to wipe away the unfamiliar sensation of tears. He didn't think there was anything in the universe that could make him cry but seeing this place and accepting the loss of Major Carter...Samantha, his 2IC...his love, was more than he could ever bear stoically.
He had not accepted the news, refused to believe the reports. She was still out there and he would find her. No way she would allow herself to be cornered and burned alive. No way in hell. If she died she died fighting, not running. It wasn't possible, it wasn't true.
But now he stood here in the ashes of the bunker that she had thought it safe to hide in. He could see how easy it would have been to fall into that trap, he probably would have done the same himself. Ferociously he wished he had. "It should have been me, not you." he yelled, at her, at the sky, at no-one in particular.
It was safe to yell now, Colonel Reynold's men had gunned down every last one of the locals in retribution for the deliberately taken life of Sam Carter and their bodies still lay rotting where they fell, but it wasn't enough, it would never be enough. Nothing could come close to payment for the cold-blooded murder of the USAF's smartest and most proficient officer. America's National Treasure. Even the President had stood there with tears in his eyes. He stood alongside the Asgard, the Tok'ra, the Tollan, Tuplo, Bray'tak and the Nox. Laia's arrival had been the most unexpected of them all and Jack felt some shame that he hadn't been able to bring himself to converse with her. Jacob, or rather Selmack had stepped into the breach giving him the space he needed just to make it through.
Jack kicked at the dark, battered husks of the last P-90 shells she ever used imagining the scene as she fired and fired relentlessly at the spring-loaded trinium door. He looked up imagining her terror as she saw the hot oil pouring through the overhead vent. Daniel said she had been shouting for him in the end and he wasn't even on the planet, his stupid broken leg preventing him from being there to save her life or die trying.
He had been angry about that.
"How could you all just standby and watch? Why didn't you do something?"
But the yelling and the tantrums had done no good, they had only managed to hurt his suffering friends and set back his recovery further as he succeeded in re-break the fragile, healing bone in his shin.
The midday sun was shining bright through the vent, casting a web of sunlight and shadows on the largest of the piles of ashes. Jack knew there would be no obvious remains here, the fire, he had been told, had burned too viciously to leave even the bones of his beloved behind to take home. His heart told him that the pile glimmering in the sun was not her.
He moved across the cramped space, to the corner by the door. This was it, this was where… He was certain. He knew her well enough. He knew himself well enough. This is where he would have been.
Reverently he crouched down and from his inside pocket removed a small silver vial. With the utmost care he filled it and recapped it. "For your brother." he told her. "He asked if he could have something of you. We told him you were...you were cre-cremated." The last word stuck in his throat, as sickening and sharp as the truth in the lie. For just a moment he allowed himself to lose control in the manor of a single heartfelt sob. "But I'm here for something else. You know what I need to find."
Slowly he ran his fingers over the surface. It took a matter of mere seconds but they were the most painful of his life and they seemed to take forever. Abruptly his fingers chanced upon them, he hesitated. There would be no more hope after this moment.
Jack O'Neill closed his eyes and summoned his strength. He found he needed it all to lift up the weight of her charred dog-tags. Carefully he closed his fingers around them and bowed his head. He had no prayers, no final sentiment, just a hollow empty feeling that he knew would never again be filled. Carter had joined the ranks of Charlie and all the others that he had truly loved, his mother, his sister, his one true best friend. "Let them take care of you Sam. You deserve it."
By the time he was back on his feet he was exhausted. Reluctantly he made his way out of what was now Carter's tomb and back up the ridge. From the top he looked back. "Goodbye Samantha. From now on everything I do, everything I succeed at, everything I am, it's all for you."
Colonel Jack O'Neill raised his wrist and looked at the timer counting down. He had fifteen minutes to get back before Jonas woke to take over his watch. Carefully he put the vial and Carter's tags safely in his pocket and set of at a run back to the gate.
EPILOGUE:
Years had passed, he refused to count them, it didn't matter how many. It had taken longer than expected but they hadn't given up and now Jack stood with SG-1 alongside the Tok'ra at the extraction ceremony. Daniel had returned not long after and Teal'c as always was there but everyone else was different and Jack had never warmed to any of those who had tried so hard to fill Major Carter's shoes. But today wasn't about that. Today was about finally achieving their goal. After all this time Ba'al, the last of the System Lords was being extracted.
At length the ceremony was over and they were heading home. Jack hung back just a little to look up into the stars of the universe. "We did it Sam, we finally beat them." he whispered and even though it caused him some sadness he smiled knowing that he had done it just for her.
END
AN: Thought's welcome people...