Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the crazy ideas in my head. Some of the dialogue is taken from the episode 14x22, "Poisoned Motive". Not mine either. ;)

A/N 1: Thank you, my lovelies, for the amazing support. Words cannot express how much I appreciate it.

I should mention that any similarities between this story and Sheepish's story Crystal Blue or others are absolutely coincidental, as this story has been sitting on my hard drive for well over 2 years already – I just couldn't find the time to finish it. Sheepish and I talked about this and had a good laugh. Hence, all good and no plagiarism there. ;)

xxxx

By Your Side

"Can I lay by your side? Next to you and make sure you're alright? I'll take care of you. I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight."

The four detectives Benson, Amaro, Tutuola, and Rollins were splitting up to drive to One Police Plaza in two different cars, Amanda guiding dragon lady Mrs. Chang to the vehicle in the back, helping her into the backseat, before making her way to the driver's side. Blue eyes met brown across the roofs of both cars and with blue eyes sparkling and a tiny smile playing at the blonde's lips that was reserved just for her, Olivia was thinking about how proud she was of her girlfriend; she had made the bust of the Chinese prostitution ring, even though the blonde was being modest and insisted that it had been a team effort.

When the brunette opened her own car door, many things happened at once. The shot came out of nowhere, its sound echoing from the tall buildings surrounding the precinct, reverberating through New York's crisp morning air. Olivia's cop reflexes kicked in and she ducked, unholstering her weapon with lightning speed, when at the same time she heard a gurgle, a familiar groan, making her whip her head to the right, shock edging her face at what she saw. The back-seat door window of their car parked in the back was shattered and blood splattered all over it, Amanda Rollins sinking back, leaving a trail of crimson on the glass when she slid to the ground, golden blonde hair streaked with blood.

"Manda!" the brunette detective shrieked, frantically looking around to be able to pinpoint the direction the shot had come from while running over to her girlfriend's side. Her worst nightmare, the one of the love of her life being shot right in front of her eyes, was unfolding right before her and she scrambled over to the blonde, Fin and Amaro by her side in an instant. Trying to ignore the rushing of blood and the ringing in her ears, Olivia pressed both her hands to Amanda's gunshot wound, "Manda! Amanda!"

Blue eyes bore into her own as Amanda whimpered and tears gathered in her eyes, the blonde desperately clutching Olivia's forearm as the brunette tried to stop the blood exuding from the wound, the scarlet substance seeping through her fingers nonetheless, "It's okay, Baby. It's okay."

She barely heard Fin and Nick discuss where the shot had come from, their voices scrambled together in a rushing blur as they ran off into that direction; she hastily grabbed her radio, fighting the flashbacks that tried to worm their way forward, Alexandra Cabot bleeding out on the sidewalk ten years prior, Olivia's hands on her wound, begging the attorney to stay with her. Taking a deep breath and swallowing around the lump in her throat, she pressed the button down, her eyes never leaving her girlfriend, "Ten-thirteen! Ten-thirteen! Back up! We have an officer shot. Send a highway to the blood bank. Open up a road to Bellevue."

"Uuhnng," Amanda gurgled again, tears now pouring down pale cheeks freely.

Pulling her jacket off, she covered Amanda's wound with it, increasing the pressure a little more, "Hold on, Baby! I got you! I got you! Come on, let's get you into the car."

Another strangled sob left the blonde's mouth and she held onto the brunette a little more tightly, "Don't… don't leave me, Liv."

Shaking her head, Olivia breathed, "I'm not leaving you, Baby. I promise. I just have to get you into the car so I can drive you to the hospital, okay?"

Panting in pain, Amanda nodded and tried to push herself up to help her girlfriend, but she sank back down immediately with a loud groan.

"It's okay, Baby. I got you," Olivia soothed, sliding her left arm around the blonde's midsection and the right underneath her knee pits, her bloody hands lifting a whimpering Amanda up to gently lay her down in the back of the vehicle, fastening the seatbelt and slamming the door shut before scrambling to the driver's side and getting in. She turned the siren on and sped away, hastily fumbling with her own seatbelt while her eyes were focused on the road. The brunette stepped on the gas hard, flying around a corner, her blonde girlfriend moaning in pain each time they hit a bump in the road. Reaching behind her, Olivia grabbed Amanda's hand, "It's okay, Baby. I know it hurts. I'm sorry. Not long and we'll be there. Hold on."

Taking another sharp turn, the brunette felt her hand being squeezed even more tightly, her girlfriend continuing to cry in the backseat. They were closing in on Bellevue Hospital and Olivia once again accelerated, the emergency room only about two minutes away, help for her girlfriend literally just around the corner. When they arrived, the brunette detective hit the brakes full force, causing another groan to rip from Amanda's throat. Olivia did not have the time to do or say anything, because the back doors were ripped open, one male nurse climbing into the back seat and loosening the blonde's seatbelt, a male doctor peeking his head into the car, "Detective, I'm Doctor Slaughter and we are going to remove you from the vehicle. This will hurt, but I assure you that it won't have anything to do with my last name."

Amanda chuckled, but moaned in pain right afterwards from the vibrations going through her body. The nurse's dark blue eyes were looking warmly at her, "Detective, we are going to have to move you, okay? I will push, the doctor will pull. On three. One…"

They pushed and pulled respectively, not even counting to the end in order to leave Amanda unprepared for the pain so she did not tense up even further. The blonde screamed in agony as they pulled her out and Olivia scrambled out of the car to rush to her woman's side. Running over to the gurney they had placed Amanda on, she hurried along with the hospital staff, grabbing her girlfriend's hand while blue eyes kept searching for brown until they found them, "It's okay, Baby. I'm here. You're going to be alright. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Trying to shake the dizziness off that she suddenly felt, Olivia tried to fight the feeling that the vast whiteness of the hospital walls was closing in on her, making her break out into cold sweat. She unceremoniously wiped her face and upper lip, her chocolate brown orbs continuously fixated on ocean blue ones. Amanda was rushed into a room Olivia did not realize she could not be in until she was shoved out. One of the nurses apparently had said something she had repeatedly ignored and now she felt a strong arm across her chest as she was being pushed until she was standing in the middle of the hospital hallway, the door to the trauma room the other woman was in being slammed in her face. She stumbled over to the window to be able to see what was happening nonetheless, but the same nurse who had removed her from the room closed the blinds before the brunette even had the chance to get a glimpse at the proceedings behind the closed door. With her forearms pressed against the white wall, Olivia was forcing herself to take deep breaths to make the queasiness go away. Her arms and legs were shaking and she felt like she could not hold herself up any longer. Turning her head in search of somewhere to sit, her world suddenly started spinning and her knees gave out. However, two strong arms wrapped around her, the warm brown eyes of her partner looking at her, Nick Amaro guiding her to a seat over in the waiting area, Fin already waiting for her, "Easy, Liv. Sit down for a second. Come on."

Slumping into the chair, Olivia sighed heavily and in her attempt to bury her face in her hands she saw that they were tinted, the dried blood from her girlfriend's shoulder wound still sticking to her, the once garish red substance now having started to turn into a brownish color. "I have to wash my hands," Olivia croaked out and stood up, swaying dangerously when she started walking in the general direction of the nearest bathroom. Closing the door behind her, Olivia stumbled over to the sink and turned on the faucet and waited for the water to heat up. Scrubbing her hands clean vigorously, the brunette detective felt a wave of emotion wash over her and a strangled sob left her mouth, her hands red and sore from the hot water and the soap. It was only that she stopped cleansing when gentle fingers wrapped around her wrists and pried them away from underneath the spray, "Hey, Liv. Your hands are clean. You're fine."

Nick turned the brunette detective around to face him and when Olivia saw the softness on her partner's face, a gentle expression edged with worry, she broke down, sinking against Nick's chest, allowing herself to let go and let her feelings wash over her for just a moment, her hands uselessly lodged between their bodies, still wet from her excessive scrubbing, while her partner whispered soothing words into her chestnut curls.

Olivia gradually calmed down, reminding herself that she needed to be strong for Amanda, and her desperate sobs turned into tiny hiccups as Nick coaxed, "You're okay, Liv. You're okay."

The calmness of his voice helped her greatly as she sucked in deep, even breaths, wiping her blotchy face as she detached from Nick, her partner squeezing his shoulder affectionately, "That's it, Liv. Splash a little water on your face and take a few more deep breaths for me."

With that, he turned the water back on and turned the faucet to the coolest stage, tenderly nudging Olivia toward the sink so she could wet her face with some handfuls of cold water. Olivia did just that, scrubbing her hands over her face and relishing in the coolness of the liquid that was running down her cheeks, washing away the tears and the remainders of blood in the sink, trickling down the drain in tiny crimson runlets.

When Olivia left her hunched over position, some paper towels were already waiting for her as Nick held them out for the brunette to take, her fellow detective waiting for her to finish dabbing her face, and Olivia mumbled, "Thank God for waterproof mascara. Otherwise I would look like a racoon on crack right now."

Chuckling, amused, Nick guided her back into the hallway when she was finished, and Fin was already walking toward them, a tiny smile on his face when they approached, "Liv, she's going to be fine. The bullet hit muscle and exited through her upper back. Nothing major is injured. She is just high on pain meds and having the time of her life. The doc said that we can see her. You go in. We'll get started on finding the bastard."

A grateful smile made its way to Olivia's tan features and she squeezed Fin's arm gently, "Thanks, Fin."

Nodding, her fellow detective gruffly replied, "We got your back, Liv. And Manda's."

xxxx

Olivia gingerly opened the door to Amanda's room and entered, brown eyes fixated on her girlfriend lying in the hospital bed, bathed in harsh neon light, her shoulder bandaged, her eyes closed and a tiny frown creasing her forehead. Trying not to make too much noise so as not to wake her girlfriend, the brunette closed the door behind her without a sound, shutting out the busy hallway once again.

Amanda's head lulled to her right at the slight commotion, cerulean orbs fluttering open and and flitting across the room, unfocused. When they finally zeroed in on Olivia, a lazy grin spread across the blonde's face and she lifted her right arm, stretching it out for the brunette to take her hand, "Baaaaby."

Chuckling through her tears, Olivia sat down on the bed at Amanda's waist level, taking the blonde's outstretched hand into her own and pressing a soft kiss to her palm. The smaller woman frowned, her words adorably slurred, "Don't cry, my love."

The brunette detective shook her head, "I'm not crying. I just have something in my eye." She could see that her girlfriend was trying to process her words, her pale face scrunched up endearingly. Before the blonde could protest, however, Olivia interjected, "I'm so glad you're okay, Manda. It was just a through and through."

Amanda grinned, wriggling her hand free and swinging it back and forth, her head following the movement, her index finger outstretched, as she giggled, "Through and through. Just through… and through…"

Rearranging her body, Olivia scooted up the bed, her face aligning with Amanda's, tan fingers combing through flaxen curls as the blonde's right hand rested on the older woman's firm thigh, and Olivia breathed, "I'm so relieved that you are going to be okay, Baby. The thought that I could have lost you-"

Before the brunette could finish the sentence, however, Amanda's lips had closed in and in an attempt to capture her plushness with hers were now clumsily and sloppily kissing her nose. Despite the wave of intense emotions that was rushing through her body, Olivia smiled, guiding her girlfriend's head down a little to be able to kiss her lips properly, tenderly sliding them together, relishing in the moment of being so connected again. The ability to feel Amanda's softness against her own, albeit wet and sloppy, made the iron fist that had her insides in a firm grip loosen gradually, her body starting to tingle with a familiar warmth at the feeling of her girlfriend's lips on hers.

When they parted, Olivia watched ocean blue orbs open slowly, Amanda's hooded eyes just staring lovingly as a clumsy hand came up and lightly smacked Olivia's cheek in the blonde's attempt to cup it in her palm, "I wanna marry you, Liv."

Tensing up at her girlfriend's admission, all the brunette could do was stare, gobsmacked, at Amanda's small frame huddled under the blankets in the hospital bed, "What?"

The blonde bit her lip, blue eyes turning a shade darker, "Marry me, Liv. I'm serious."

Turning her head to the side, Olivia pressed a featherlight kiss to a fair palm and reconnected their eyes, chocolate brown once again locking onto crystal blue, "Well then, Baby. Why don't we talk about this when you are feeling better, hm? For now, you focus your energy on your recovery."

Stretching the index finger of her right hand, Amanda, uncoordinated, tapped her girlfriend's nose, "Boop," the blonde giggled, Olivia smiling at her antics as she watched that blissful grin make its way back to pale features before the younger woman suddenly turned very serious again, her nose crinkling in thought.

Frowning, the brunette detective brushed a stray flaxen lock from her girlfriend's face and leaned forward, "Everything okay, Baby? Do you need anything?"

Amanda shook her head, "I was just thinking about Fin. You remember Fin, right?"

Raising her eyebrow in confusion, Olivia nodded, "Yes, Baby. I remember Fin."

The blonde mimicked the action, leaning forward conspiratorially, and whispered, "Do you know what he does? He collects popsicle sticks. He has a really amazing collection of popsicle sticks. And when the popsicle sticks are well, he takes them out and sets them free again in the wild. It's so moving."

The brunette's other eyebrow joined the first as it pulled up, Olivia pressing her lips together firmly in her attempt not to burst into cackles, and she choked out, "Wow, really? That's… fascinating, Baby."

Squeezing Olivia's forearm gently, Amanda smiled, "I know, right? He is just the best. I can't tell you how much I appreciate him." A moment of silence was what followed, the blonde crinkling her nose and shaking her head, as if to clear it from some kind of fog. When she looked back up at Olivia, her face was serious again, steely blue eyes intently staring at the older woman. Taking a deep breath, she pointed her forefinger at the brunette yet again, her words slurred, the blonde starting to drift off, "Did you get the guy that shot me?"

The familiar burning behind her chocolate eyes was back, hot tears threatening to pour down her tan cheeks as Olivia tried to rein them in, "We will, Baby. Or I will die trying. I promise you that."

Unintelligible mumbling reached the brunette's ears, but she could not make out what Amanda was trying to say as cerulean eyes had already fluttered closed, the blonde finally giving in to the effect of the sleep-inducing pain medication, her chest now rising with deep, even breaths as Olivia stared protectively at the other woman.

Getting up, the brunette's fingers combed through thick, flaxen locks once again, her thumb gently stroking her girlfriend's forehead before pressing a gentle kiss there. Her heart was aching at the thought of having to leave her love, but there was a bigger part of her, an angrier part, that would not rest until they had found the person who put Amanda in this very hospital bed; so Olivia slowly stood erect and silently made her way back into the hallway, cautiously pulling the door closed behind her.

xxxx

When Olivia stepped out of her girlfriend's room, she faced a different picture than before; a sea of blue uniforms greeted her, mixed with suits that flashed detective badges, word having gotten out that an NYPD detective had been shot by a sniper, everyone rushing to the hospital to check if their fellow officer was okay.

A rush of warmth spread through the brunette's body at the sight, her gratitude toward her extended family trickling into her being, helping her to stay grounded and not go crazy with worry about her girlfriend. All of these men and women were here to support the blonde and from the way some of them were looking at Olivia herself, or even squeezing her shoulder when she walked past, she knew that they were also there for the brunette.

When Olivia spotted Fin and Captain Cragen in the crowd, she rushed over, bumping into a few people along the way, and before she had even stopped in front of them, the words were already pouring out of her mouth, "What's the status? Any leads?"

Frowning, Fin shook his head, "Nothing on the roof. No witnesses."

Olivia's jaw was grinding while she was listening to her fellow detective, "Okay. I'll check the camera's and the licence plate readers. Let's get this son-of-a-bitch."

Before the brunette could turn around and hurry toward the doors, however, a gentle hand on her arm held her back, Cragen's kind, brown eyes staring at her, soft and full of compassion, "Liv, you're off the case."

Staring at her Captain, stunned, Olivia snapped, "Excuse me?"

Her boss squeezed her forearm lightly, his gaze even, unfazed by the brunette's change of tone, "I think you heard me. You can't work this case. It's a conflict of interest."

Wrenching her arm free from Cragen's grip, the brunette snarled, "Like hell I can't. I will find that guy and if it's the last thing I-."

"MY call. NOT yours!" The Captain had raised his voice now, establishing the fact that he was indeed Olivia's superior officer, no matter how much freedom and latitude she got when it came to doing her job, "I have been more than understanding toward your relationship with Amanda and I have kept both of you on this squad because you are two of the best detectives on the force. Don't make me regret my decision now. I know you, Olivia, and your head is not in the game. So you will do as I say, or I swear to God, I will have you transferred."

Seething, Olivia felt her ears turn pink in embarrassment at being chastised like a petulant child; she pressed her lips together and turned around, leaving Cragen standing in the middle of the hallway, and returning to her girlfriend's room to sit by her side when she woke up.

xxxx

It was two days later when Amanda was released from the hospital at her own risk, Olivia having picked her up at the hospital and now carrying her girlfriend's belongings up the stairs and to the brunette's apartment.

The older woman was still furious about not being able to help with the investigation of her love being shot and had been bristling silently, but swallowed her frustration in order to be by Amanda's side and support the younger woman in her recovery.

When the door clicked shut, however, the two women finally in the confines of the familiarity of Olivia's apartment, the brunette could not hold back any longer, her pent up anger bursting forth with all its might, "I still can't believe that Cragen won't let me help with this investigation. I could be out there, searching for the guy who did this to you and Lieutenant Howard's son, but no. Here I am, with my hands tied, when all I really want to do is rip-"

Olivia's rant came to a screeching halt by a sudden tug at her arm and imploring lips that were covering her own, Amanda kissing her with vigor as her uninjured right hand came up and curled into chocolate brown tresses, the blonde's hot tongue chasing and tangling with her own.

The older woman moaned throatily at her girlfriend's sudden assertiveness, Amanda pushing her back to the sofa and straddling her. Hot, open-mouthed kisses were pressed against the sensitive skin of Olivia's neck and the brunette had trouble to form any kind of coherent thought, "M-Manda."

The blonde, however, was too far gone, as she tightened her hold on Olivia's hair and husked, "Mmmm, I want you, Liv."

Feeling her core twitch, Olivia's lost herself for a moment and her eyes rolled into the back of her head, her lower lip captured between her front teeth as she let her girlfriend explore, "God, Manda. We can't."

Amanda hummed, her voice slightly hoarse when she breathed, "I'm fine, Liv. It's okay."

With that, the blonde detective bit down on the older woman's furiously thumping pulse point, making Olivia's whole body jerk violently when the sensation made her clit throb, her hips bucking and nearly throwing Amanda off. The movement, however, caused a sharp pain to shoot through the blonde's shoulder, the younger woman hissing and groaning in agony, "Fuck! Bad idea! The meds are wearing off."

Through the foggy arousal that was clouding her brain, Olivia managed to chuckle, "No offense Baby, but I've known you for a while, and you never really had the best ideas."

Amanda snorted and playfully swatted the brunette's shoulder, but her face contorted in pain as soon as she did, her right hand reaching up to cover her injured shoulder, gingerly touching the spot where the bullet hole was. Olivia's face was etched with worry and she tenderly cupped her girlfriend's cheek, "Let me get your pain meds, Baby."

Shaking her head, the blonde tucked her head into the taller woman's neck, "No, it's fine. I don't like what they do to me. They make me feel all loopy and fuzzy. I'd rather have a clear head."

Olivia grinned cheekily, "But you are so much fun to watch when you are on pain meds."

The blonde's eyes widened in horror when her girlfriend's words had sunk in, "What did I do, Olivia? Did I embarrass myself?"

The brunette shook her head, a soothing hand starting to tickle Amanda's back, "No, it was just me there. You were adorably giggly and told me about Fin's tireless commitment to rescuing popsicle sticks. You found it very moving that he nurses them back to health and releases them into the wild again when they are feeling better."

Suppressing her embarrassed groan, Amanda pressed, "But there is more. I can hear it in your tone."

The brunette hesitated, berating herself because she had been willing her voice not to waver but failing miserably due to the fact that her girlfriend knew her so very well that she could read her like an open book. Taking a deep breath, Olivia eventually decided to get it over with, "Well, you asked me to marry you."

Amanda's face immediately lit up with a fiery blush that crept from her upper chest into her cheeks, the blonde hiding her face even further in the older woman's chestnut curls, "Shit, I'm sorry, Liv. I didn't mean to."

Clutching her heart with mock hurt, Olivia gasped melodramatically, "So you don't wanna marry me, Rollins? I'm heartbroken."

Amanda laughed at her girlfriend's silly antics, grateful for Olivia's attempt to take the tension away and make her feel better, pale fingers starting to play with chocolate tresses as she whispered, "I do want to marry you, Liv. Someday in the distant future.."

Craning her neck to be able to press a soft kiss to the blonde's temple, Olivia breathed in response, "Oh, good. Because I want to marry you too, Manda. Someday in the distant future."

Amanda sat up and tightened her hold on her girlfriend's neck, ocean blue orbs firmly locked on to mocca, and the blonde detective leaned down to press their lips together once again, gently this time, "That fact makes me very happy."

Patting the other woman's hips encouragingly, Olivia said, "Now, let's get you into bed so I can take care of you."

The blonde could not help herself but grinned mischievously, "That's what she said."

Fixing her girlfriend with a pointed stare, her eyebrow raised, Olivia remained firm, "No funny business. I will make you tea and put you in pajamas so we can watch movies and you can recover. No touching."

Amanda pouted, her lower lip adorably jutting forward, "But I wanna cuddle! Your cuddles always make everything better."

Relaxing her stance a little, Olivia smiled softly, "Okay. Cuddles are granted. But nothing else."

The blonde grumbled, "Fine."

"Fine!" the brunette shot back, amused by her the younger woman's antics, as they made their way to the bedroom.

xxxx

Ten minutes later, the two detectives were in their pajamas and cuddled up underneath thick layers of blankets, both women slightly propped up by fluffy pillows while Amanda was safely tucked into Olivia's side, the blonde eventually having agreed to take some more pain medication after all. Freaky Friday was serving as random background noise as the blonde drifted off to sleep, mumbling groggily, "I love you."

A sudden wave of emotion overwhelmed the brunette detective, the severity of Amanda's situation once again creeping up on her, reminding her of how lucky she was that her girlfriend was still alive. She had tried to push the familiar feelings down as long as she could, the memories of Alex Cabot bleeding out on the concrete sidewalk, the fear of losing her, the doctors telling her that her girlfriend had not made it. All these feelings came crashing down on her now, being relieved in hot, wet tears that were pouring from her eyes, her nose running mercilessly as she stared at the blonde beside her, huddled underneath the blankets with her, relishing in the feeling that this time, things were different. Amanda was still there, peacefully snoozing beside her. She had not been ripped away from her. Not by death, not by witness protection. Amanda was still with her, cuddled into her, her warm body snugly pressed against her side.

So Olivia stared at her girlfriend's pale features, relaxed in her sleep, and she let the tears fall, tightening her hold on the blonde as if she could slip away at any given time. Pressing her lips against Amanda's forehead, the brunette breathed in the other woman's redolence, her sweet scent invading her senses, reassuring her that Amanda was there. With her. Home. Safe.

All these thoughts were swirling together in her head and her heart swelled in her chest, a rush of warmth coursing through Olivia as she breathed against soft tufts of blonde hair, "I love you, too."

xxxx

A/N 2: Thanks for reading.

The quote in the beginning is taken from the song Lay Me Down by Sam Smith.

Drop me a review - they rock my world. :)

Until next time, my lovelies.