Welcome to my fanfic =)

I'm Trio and this is my first Faberry fic. This fic will be exploring Rachel having a gender identity crisis and her transition from female to male. The story will be focusing mostly on after hormone therapy and surgery, but the first couple chapters will have a little back story on the process.

For the sake of the timeline, and just to make my life easier, a lot of the medical side of the story will be unrealistic. I'm definitely no expert in gender transitioning so I apologize in advance if the way I approach the issues are confusing or offends anyone.

Please let me know if you have any concerns about the way I'm handling the story and I will try to address them as best I can.

So anyway, thanks in advance for reading and I hope you enjoy. =D

Setting: Season 5-ish (timeline may be distorted)

Pairing: Faberry

Rating: Mature – for eventual sexual content, explicit language

Warning: Transgender character. Gender identity issues. FTM Rachel.

She had finally decided she could live this life. From the outside looking in things were wonderful for one Rachel Berry. With persistence and hard work she had finally achieved the iconic role that she had told everyone she wanted. And if she neglected to tell anyone she actually didn't give two shits about Funny Girl, it was only to preserve everyone's sanity.

Unfortunately, Rachel hadn't been expecting the news to hit her so hard. It was silly really; just a smiley-face status post accompanied by the tag "Quinn Fabray is now engaged."

Rachel sucked in a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and tried not to scream. It had to be a joke.

12 people like this.

She wanted to know just who liked the life event mere moments after it was posted.

"OMG so happy 4 u! Is he hot?" – Brittany S. Pierce

"Congrats Quinn =D" – Tina Cohen-Chang

"Girl, you seriously didn't make a decision like this without even telling me about this guy!" –Mercedes Jones

"Is he rich? Cuz I might be a lady lover, but even I have a price. And Lord knows I'm sexier then you." – Santana Lopez

"Have you set a date?" – Mike Chang

"What kinda guy doesn't have a Facebook account. That's whack." – Artie Abrams

"Also…you've got some nerve not telling me about this. Bitch." – Santana Lopez

"Dude better b treting u rite baby mama," – Puckasaurus

"Does he like ducks? Thats totally important," – Brittany S. Pierce

"Yo tubbers, you don't just post shit like this and not tell us who the guys is," – Santana Lopez

"Oh Quinn, you have to let me design the dress!" – Kurt Hummel

"Kurt?!" Rachel shrieked, leaning over the back of her desk chair so her voice projected into the loft.

The sound of his probably-too-expensive-shoes pounded frantically against the concrete floor toward her "room". He slid to a stop in front of her open curtain, having to grab the sheet to balance himself.

"What? Is everything okay?" he asked anxiously. He had never heard quite that sound come from Rachel even at her most dramatic times. His eyes darted all around the room and then over Rachel, checking for anything abnormal.

Rachel felt like she couldn't breathe as she stared at her roommate. Her fingers gripped tightly to the back of her seat, making her knuckles turn white.

"Hey," Kurt murmured worriedly, trying to get her attention. He approached slowly, because he really wasn't sure what to think of the stock still girl and the anguished look in her eyes. "Sweetie…"

His warm hand cautiously touching her cheek jerked her out of her trance. She flailed back, nearly falling out of her chair. Kurt squeaked in surprise and reached out to steady her, only to have his hand knocked away when she caught herself against the desk.

"Rachel, what's…" he tried to ask.

"Quinn's engaged!" she cried out, pushing herself up out of her chair for emphasis.

She hadn't even realized how insane she sounded till she saw the bewildered look on Kurt's face.

"Yes….It appears so," he said slowly, eyeing her somewhat fearfully.

Rachel cleared her throat, knowing she had to think fast. She took in a shuddering breath and let the overwhelming urge to cry take over her. Kurt stuttered in confusion as her eyes filled with tears.

"She didn't even tell me," Rachel whimpered. She only lasted a second before a little sob escaped her throat.

Her antics may have seemed over the top, but only she knew the real reason why she was crying.

"Oh Rachel…I don't think anyone knew," Kurt tried to comfort. He rested his hand on her shoulder in a slightly awkward way, since this little outburst seemed extreme even for Rachel.

"She should have told me," Rachel whined pathetically through her tears.

She glanced at Kurt through her blurry vision, wondering just how much she could get away with before he really thought she had gone insane. He was staring at her, looking a complicated mix between sympathetic and confused. And then his eyes seemed to spark with recognition.

"Is this about Finn?" he asked in a gentle voice, now looking much less baffled.

Rachel could only thank the powers that be for Kurt and his ability to make connections that weren't actually there.

She nodded pitifully as another sob escaped. Kurt immediately pulled her into a hug, cooing over her softly.

At least now he won't keep bugging me about not grieving, she thought as she sunk into the embrace.

It had been a long time since she felt this way. At least, she did her best to pretend that was the case. Between her success with Funny Girl and all the craziness that came along with Finn's death, she had resigned herself to this life.

She had finally realized that she was just too much of a coward to make any significant change. That is, until she saw that stupid post on Facebook.

Something about knowing the option was no longer there was too much to handle.

"I quit," she said shakily when her Daddy opened the door.

"Quit what baby?" he asked in puzzlement, not completely sure why his daughter was standing on the door step.

"Funny Girl…."

After a completely shocked reaction from Leroy, she was hugged tightly and shuffled into the house. She was thankful for the chance to tell him first, he was generally much cooler headed then Hiram. He still looked perplexed and worried, but he sat her on the couch and went to make some tea.

The two of them sat there, Rachel on the couch and Leroy in the arm chair, in silence for a good twenty minutes. She felt like she wanted to cry again, but she was pretty certain her tear ducks had dried up.

"There's Papa," Leroy murmured softly at the sound of the car pulling into the drive way.

Fear suddenly gripped her. She couldn't believe she was here in Lima, about to tell her fathers about the one thing she had always vow to keep to herself.

Once Hiram was thoroughly satisfied with fawning over Rachel and worrying why she was home without notice, they settled in the living room again.

"I-I have some news," Rachel said, cringing at the way her voice wavered. She noticed the way Leroy placed a comforting hand on Hiram's back and hoped he could keep her Papa under control. "I quit Funny Girl…"

"What?" Hiram shrieked, nearly jumping out of his seat. Leroy held him back with a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Did you know about this?" Hiram asked his husband in an accusing tone. Rachel flinched a little.

"She just told me when she got here," Leroy said calmly.

Hiram looked frantic as he turned back toward Rachel. "Why sweetheart?"

"I…"

"They didn't mistreat you did they?" her Papa gasped. "Because we won't stand by and…"

"Papa…no…"

"This just doesn't make any sense," Hiram commented, shaking his head.

"Let her explain hon," Leroy instructed softly. He gave Rachel a gentle smile, all the while running his hand soothingly along his partner's back.

Rachel took in a shuddering breath, realizing that this was the moment; the moment she always dreaded the possibility of experiencing. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes and she played anxiously with her hands.

"I have…" she tried, but the words stuck in her throat.

Her parents were looking at her intently, concern written all over their faces. She considered backing out. She had made an excuse with Kurt, certainly she could figure out something to tell her dads.

But then Leroy reached across from the love seat and gently squeezed her knee with a strong hand. "It's okay Rachel," he told her tenderly.

Tears began to leak from her eyes and she hung her head.

"I have…a gender identity issue…" she whispered for the first time out loud.

The conversation which followed her confession was both a relief and a burden. The three Berrys spent hours talking through everything, except the real reason she had chosen now to come out to them. She was too embarrassed to admit it.

So she gave the most generic response she could think of. I just couldn't live like this anymore, since that sounded so much better then Quinn Fabray is getting engaged and I'll never have a chance now.

Her parents were probably the best people as far as understanding what she was going through without experiencing it themselves, but that didn't mean they weren't confused. After all, Rachel had always been what most would consider a "girly girl".

"Over compensation is a strange thing," she had told them with a halfhearted smirk.

Over the next few weeks, everything had been decided. She moved back to Lima and started seeing a counselor down in Columbus once a week. It was easy enough to convince Kurt and Santana that a family emergency was her reason for leaving; she was a pretty good liar at this point in her life.

Despite her parents' encouragement to stay in contact with her friends, Rachel had no desire to keep in touch with anyone. Even though she considered the former Glee clubbers friends, they were friends with Rachel, not whoever she was now.

The first step was deleting her Facebook account and she vowed to never use the website again, even though she knew that promise to herself was ridiculous. She secured a new cell phone number, but requested her dads keep the previous number on the account at least for a little while in case something really important was happening to someone she used to know.

It became a game of pretending she didn't hear the phone buzzing in her night stand throughout the day and resisting the urge to check it each time it chimed.

After two months, she was getting pretty good at ignoring her phone and only checked it every few days. The texts and calls were mostly Kurt and Santana, with Santana resorting to only verbal abuse and threats. So it came as quite a surprise when different name appeared on her text list.

Quinn Fabray: Hey

Rachel practically choked on her tongue and nearly dropped the phone. After juggling the device for a few moments, she secured it in her hand and slumped back against the bed.

She realized she was trembling and carefully set the phone on the night stand. Burying her face in her hands, Rachel just tried to keep her breathing even.

Why now? She thought bitterly.

Everything was going so well. She was working through her issues with her therapist and had made major head way in identifying all the times in her life that she felt different. And even though the therapist wasn't saying it, Rachel knew she was working her way toward approval for hormone therapy.

The last thing she needed now was Quinn Fabray texting her.

With the help of her therapist she had been working through her feelings for Quinn. She had basically accepted the fact that Quinn was a complete impossibility for her and she was ready to move. At least she thought she was.

Rachel Berry: Hey

Before she could stop herself, she had pressed the send button. She flopped back on the bed with a heavy sigh. Her chest was tight with anticipation and she felt a little sick to her stomach.

Quinn Fabray: Wow…wasn't expecting a reply

Rachel bit into her lip, staring at the screen.

Rachel Berry: Why not?

Quinn Fabray: Well you only disappeared from the face of the planet. Kurt and Santana are worried.

She glared at the text staring back at her. Rachel couldn't help the disappointment she felt, but she told herself that she should have known better then to think Quinn cared. Obviously she was just the messenger.

Rachel Berry: I'm fine.

Quinn Fabray: Two months is a long time to not talk to anyone…

Rachel Berry: My life has been a little crazy.

The brunette chewed on the nail of her thumb. Her stomach was filled with butterflies and her heart was beating faster than normal. It was annoying that just knowing the little words on her phone were from Quinn caused that kind of reaction in her.

Quinn Fabray: I can understand that.

Rachel scoffed out loud. How could she possibly understand?

Rachel Berry: Well thank you for the check in, but I assure I'm perfectly fine Quinn. I hope all is well with you.

She set the phone down a little harder than necessary and started to get up. Rachel assumed that was the end of the conversation so she jumped slightly when the phone buzzed against her night stand.

Quinn Fabray: I got engaged.

It felt like a knife. Ten times worse than seeing an impersonal announcement on Facebook. Even though she had tried to convince herself she accepted the news of Quinn's engagement, she obviously hadn't dealt with it all yet.

Rachel Berry: I heard.

She wiped gently at her eyes, trying to rub away the moisture before it could fall. Sometimes she really hated her emotions.

Quinn Fabray: I was surprised I didn't hear from you.

Rachel Berry: Why?

If text could have tone, her words would have been venom.

Quinn Fabray: Because we're friends.

She screamed. She screamed as loud as she could. She hated the sound as it came from her throat and muffled against the pillow she had pressed to her face. It was high pitched and girly, like something straight out of a horror movie and it made her sick.

Rachel Berry: I have to go.

Her fingers barely got the words typed out because she was vomiting into the trash can beside her bed.

She wouldn't see Quinn's reply till hours later.

Quinn Fabray: Whatever is going on… I'm sorry I wasn't there. If you ever want to talk, shoot me a text. Bye Rae.

"You need to start thinking of yourself as a man," Dr. Leone said at the beginning of their session one day.

Rachel stared at her, not quite sure how to respond. Of course she was a man. She had figured that out a long time ago.

"I already know I'm…." she started to say, only to trail off when the doctor raised her hand.

"I know you feel like a man," she said with a nod, "but do you really think of yourself as a man?"

She wasn't sure how to answer that.

"Do you think about yourself with male pronouns?" she questions.

"I don't generally refer to myself with pronouns at all," Rachel commented, looking a little puzzled. She shook her head a little. Therapy was definitely helping her, but sometimes she wanted to skip all the talking and get to real results.

Dr. Leone chuckled lightly and took a glance at her notes. "What I'm trying to get at here, Rachel, is that you've obviously identified what you want and now it's time to go for it."

Rachel felt a little leap in her chest. "So?" she questioned excitedly.

"So, I think it's time to choose the name you'd like to go by, ask your dads to start using male pronouns, and see how that feels," she explained with a smile.

The news was great, but caused Rachel to deflate a little. She was so eager to get past all the tedious work. Eighteen years of gender confusion was really starting to take its toll. She just wanted to be a boy now.

"I like Ryan," Leroy commented with a little shrug, while they all sat around the dining room table. Rachel and Hiram rolled their eyes.

"Just because his name starts with an R now doesn't mean his new name has to," Hiram huffed.

Rachel smiled a little. It was weird hearing he instead of she, him instead of her, but his dads had taken to it without any problem. He had a sneaking suspicion they had been practicing.

"I'm just saying Ryan is a nice name," his Daddy replied and then stuck his tongue out at his husband.

"Very mature darling," Hiram quipped with a smirk.

"Haven't you thought about this?" Leroy asked, turning his attention toward Rachel. He noticed that since the conversation had started, his dads had been carefully avoiding saying his name. He appreciated the effort they were making even it is felt slightly weird.

He shrugged slightly, leaning back in his chair. "Not really. I figured I'd never be taking these steps so I didn't bother trying to figure that stuff out," he told them.

"Well I vote Brandon," Hiram chimed in.

"Ew," Rachel replied, wrinkling his nose.

"Hah," Leroy scoffed at his husband.

"Can't I just….go by Rae?" Rachel asked, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. "I mean that way you guys don't have to try to remember something new and I'll respond to that easily."

"Oh Raymond would be so cute," Hiram gasped, with a little clap of his hand.

"No, not Raymond, just Rae," Rachel huffed at him. "And R-A-E not R-A-Y."

Leroy glanced up to the ceiling, a contemplative look on his face. "Usually that's the female spelling," he commented as lightly as he could.

"There are men named Ashley, I think I can get away with spelling Rae the way I want," Rachel pointed out.

"I guess you're right," Leroy agreed with a nod.

"And besides, he can always choose something else later on if he wants," Hiram chirped.

Rae shook his head. He had a pretty strong feeling he wouldn't be changing his name again. And he had even convinced himself that he chose the new name out of convenience and not because Quinn was the only one to ever call him that.

"Oh, my baby's beautiful hair," Hiram whined softly as the barber cut off another few inches.

"Papa," Rae whined back in embarrassment. He really wasn't sure why he even agreed to let his dad come. He should have seen this coming.

"I understand it's what you want, but you always had such beautiful hair," Hiram sighed wistfully. "And not all men have short hair."

"Dad please," he intoned, blushing deeply.

He glanced at the barber in the mirror, but the man didn't seem to care much about their conversation. Rae blew out a breath and looked forward into the mirror. His dad had tried to convince him to start slow and get only some trimmed off. Rae was done with it though. He wanted the annoying locks gone.

When the barber finished, Rae looked into the mirror once more. It was very short in comparison to the shoulder length look he had been sporting a few minutes ago. He would probably use a little gel to style it, but even laying against his forehead it wasn't too bad.

He turned to Hiram with a beaming grin. "What do you think?" he asked.

"It looks great son," Hiram replied, his eyes a little teary, but a smile on his lips.

Quinn Fabray: Hey

Rae turned the phone over in his hand again and again. He hadn't checked the messages in over a month since everyone had basically given up on trying to check on him. It was actually a surprise to see Quinn's name with a message from a couple days ago.

Rachel Berry: Hey

Quinn Fabray: She lives =P

He gaped at the phone. It had been awhile since anyone called him "she." His dads, Dr. Leone, and even the folks down at the LGBT center all referred to him by male pronouns now. It took a good bit out self-restraint to not correct her.

Rachel Berry: Yeah…I was actually about to get this number disabled.

Quinn Fabray: Were you going to tell me?

Rae sat on the edge of his bed and shook his head in disbelief. He hadn't planned on telling her and now he felt guilty. Pfft, I have nothing to feel guilty about. She's not part of my life anymore, he thought.

Quinn Fabray: I understand if you weren't going to. I'm just glad I caught you.

Rachel Berry: Well I do have a new number.

He sighed, resting his forehead in his hand. Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? Dr. Leone kept telling him that he needed to let Quinn go or let her in on what was happening, but he didn't think he was really strong enough to do either.

Quinn Fabray: Is that like a peace offering?

Rachel Berry: I guess you could call it that.

Rachel Berry: But please don't share it with anyone. I don't want…I can't deal with anyone else.

Leaning over, he grabbed his newer phone and typed in Quinn's number.

Quinn Fabray: I promise I won't

Rae Berry: Now don't think that you can be texting me all the time now. I do have a life, you know. ;P

Quinn Fabray: For some reason I recall you being the one that had a hard time keeping quiet.

Quinn Fabray: I like the name btw.

Living as a man was actually a lot easier than he had imagined. With his short hair, a binding around his chest, and male clothing, he actually passed quite easily. He was pretty sure that a lot of people assumed he was gay because he was short and a little feminine looking, but he wasn't expecting much from people in Lima, Ohio.

Mostly he was just glad to finally be feeling good about himself.

He had been in therapy for a little over six months and his big birthday present this year was approval to start on testosterone. It was the thing he was most looking forward to. Ever since he started going by Rae, he had changed his work out regime to mostly consist of weight training. He was putting on muscle for sure, but he couldn't wait to really get definition.

"You know there's this great vocalist down in Columbus. He does vocal work with a lot of people transitioning," Leroy commented to him one afternoon.

"What are you saying?" Rae asked skeptically, even though he already knew the answer. His dads had been suddenly pushing about his singing voice. Since starting to live as a male, he had basically given up on singing. It was just a reminder he was more girl then boy at the moment.

"I just think it might be good for you," he said kindly, "He could help you learn how to manage your singing voice while you're transitioning."

"I don't sing anymore," Rae pointed out testily.

"But you could," Leroy replied with a little smile.

"I already told you and Papa that I only did singing because it was something I was good at. I didn't actually like it," Rae told him. He crossed his arms defensively and leaned back against the counter.

"I know what you told us son and I know things were not always as they appeared, but you can't tell me you didn't get any joy out of performing," Leroy prodded gently.

"Dad…"

"I'm just saying that maybe you'll be just as good of a male singer as you were as a female singer," he told him with a shrug, before heading out of the kitchen.

Everything seemed to be going good. He turned 19 and gotten his first shot of testosterone. Unfortunately, he hadn't accounted for the fact that Christmas time meant everyone was coming home.

When Kurt showed up on his door step, he just about had a panic attack. There was no way he could face his former friend. Even though he felt bad about basically shutting the boy (and everyone else) out, he also didn't have the courage to tell him what was really going on.

"Daddy, please tell him I'm not here," Rae pleaded from the top of the stairs, making sure to stay hidden from the windows beside the front door.

"You know he's just going to come back," Leroy pointed out.

They both glanced at the door as the doorbell rang again. Leroy sighed.

"Rae, you should talk to him. Kurt out of anyone would understand," he tried to reason.

"Gay and transgender are not the same thing!" Rae cried, stomping his foot against the floor. He immediately quieted, hoping Kurt hadn't heard him.

"I'm aware," Leroy deadpanned. He started toward the door and pulled it open before Rae could say anymore. "Why hello Kurt."

Rae practically dove behind the wall, pressing his back against it and desperately listening to his dad talk to his former friend. Kurt sounded anything but happy and whatever Leroy was telling him was obviously not helping. He bit nervously at his thumbnail, only relaxing slightly when he heard the door close.

"Is he gone?" he asked, glancing around the wall and down the stairs.

"I told him you don't live here anymore," Leroy said.

"What?!" Rae yelped in surprise. He certainly wanted his dad to cover for him, but he wasn't expecting that.

"I said you went off to school in California…"

"Why would you do that?" he grumbled.

"You really think he was going to just leave?" Leroy asked, arching a brow at his son. "Look, I don't like lying for you, but you're my boy and I'll do whatever I need to."

After Kurt's visit, not one else showed up. He figured that the boy had delivered the news that he was supposedly no longer in Lima. Rae was overjoyed that Santana hadn't showed up. He wasn't sure even his dad could deal with her.

Quinn Fabray: So California?

Rae groaned when he saw the message. Of course Kurt had told Quinn.

Rae Berry: I may have had my father tell a little white lie for me.

It wasn't like they talked a lot. Usually their text consisted of hey-how-you-doings and that was about it. But he knew that Quinn, especially since she had his phone number, would be way more persistent then Kurt. He made a mental note to not leave the house until he was sure everyone was out of town again.

He jumped when his phone started ringing instead of the usual buzz and chime for a text. Glancing down, he felt his stomach drop at the sight of Quinn's name.

No, no, no… this can't be happening, he thought miserably. He glanced around the room as if the solution to this problem would magically appear, but that only helped with his slight panic. Seeing blank walls instead of musical posters was only a reminder of his new life.

"Hello?" he answered, his voice cracking slightly from nerves.

He felt like he was going to be sick and he couldn't breathe. At least when he was living as a girl he never had this panicky feeling.

"Hey," Quinn said her voice low and slightly husky. It literally made his whole body ache.

Rae was speechless. All the words were stuck and he couldn't make himself speak. For the first time in months, he was glad the testosterone wasn't affecting him yet and he could talk to Quinn without her wondering about his voice.

"You there?" her voice came though softly, like she was afraid saying anything would scare Rae off.

"Yeah…I'm here," Rae mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face. "How are you Quinn?"

She chuckled lightly and his heart started pounding. He had almost forgotten what she sounded like. It had been too long.

"I'm good…. A little worried that you're faking going off to California," Quinn commented. She sounded so smooth and relaxed.

"It's nothing really," he tried to assure her.

"Rachel…"

Whatever else she said faded out. Rachel, he repeated in his mind. He couldn't remember the last time someone called him that. It was probably Dr. Leone.

He could remember that he used to love the way that name sounded on Quinn's lips. It was so rare he was treated to a "Rachel" instead of "Berry" or something crueler that he had savored that sound. Now it just felt wrong.

"Rae," he interrupted her.

"What?" Quinn asked in confusion.

"I go by Rae now," he said.

He held his breath as he waited for her response.

"Okay," she finally said, obviously not thinking that his little announcement was a worthy interruption. "Like I was saying, everyone is pretty mad about the cold shoulder."

Rae nodded a little before realizing she couldn't see him. "I'm sorry about that…that I just left and that we haven't talked much," he told her.

"I'm not mad," Quinn assured him.

"I'm still sorry. Life has just been…."

"Crazy?" she supplied.

He chuckled lightly. Quinn sounded like she knew exactly what was going on. She acted as if life being crazy was normal and it put him at ease.

"So if you're not in California…are you hiding in your room at your dads' house?" Quinn asked a little teasingly.

Rae could feel himself blushing. "I only hid when Kurt was here," he huffed, but grinned when Quinn laughed airily.

They were quiet for a while. Rae had no idea what to even say to Quinn. He wanted to ask her about school, but he was too afraid to hear about her engagement. It was then he realized he didn't even know if she was married yet.

"Rae," Quinn called softly, drawing his attention. "Can I come see you?"

"What? Why?!" he asked in a panicky voice, feeling his chest seize up.

"Uhm…because we're friends…" she replied uncertainly, obviously not sure how to react to Rae's panic.

"I'm sorry Quinn, but…."

"No, it's fine. I get that something is obviously going on with you," she said. He thought it was disappointment he was hearing in her voice, but he couldn't be sure.

"Sorry…" he murmured regretfully.

"Don't worry about it," she whispered back.

He drummed his fingers anxiously against his desk. This was so uncomfortable. After so long, he wanted to hear more of Quinn's voice, but he had no idea how to ask.

"Will you tell me about Yale?" he asked quietly.

"Maybe next time. John is waiting for me," she replied.

"Who's…"

Oh. It hit him like a ton of bricks. John was the fiancé. The sickness was back and he stumbled toward the bathroom, afraid he might be sick. "I'll talk to you later Quinn," he croaked out, before hanging up.

"You never used the Metro pass I got you," Quinn teased lightly.

"And I'm truly sorry about that. I'll reimburse you for the cost…"

"Don't be ridiculous."

The truth was he felt a little ridiculous all the time. He felt ridiculous for not making these changes sooner. He felt ridiculous for having an identity crisis over Quinn's engagement. He even felt ridiculous for talking to Quinn right now.

"I am sorry though," he murmured, staring up at the plain white ceiling above his head. Yellow didn't seem fitting for his new room, so he had painted the whole thing white. Like a blank slate. "If I had known I would be leaving New York I would have used it before hand."

The line went quiet in the way it always did when they didn't know what to say to each other. But even if a third of their calls were only silence, he desperately looked forward to their conversations every couple days.

"Rae, tell me you're okay," Quinn whispered, her voice wavering slightly.

He felt his heart ache at the broken way she spoke while simultaneously feeling a swell of affection. Does she really care that much? He wondered.

"I'm okay Quinn," he assured her softly.

"I know you're probably not ready to tell me about what's going on, but I'm really worried," she told him in a quiet voice.

"Quinn…"

"We've barely managed to maintain some sort of friendship, but I know you're only talking to me…"

Rae gulped, biting hard into his lower lip. What was he even supposed to say to that? Of course, Quinn was the only one he was talking to. She was the only one of his former friends he wanted to talk to.

"… That means something right?" she asked.

"Yes," he breathed, unable to say anything else.

Quinn may have only been talking to him through the phone, but Rae was finding it difficult to lie to her. He had spent his whole life lying and now that he knew how freeing it was to be honest, he wanted to tell her everything.

Thanks for reading!

Please let me know what you think about the story thus far. Also, sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and feel free to point them out if you want and I'll try to get them corrected.

Next Chapter: Rae goes through more of his transition while he struggles to maintain his tentative friendship with Quinn.