chapter 1
"hows your summer been" tony asked me and i wanted him to shut up. i was prepared to die in fact i wanted to. i was to damaged to go back to them they wouldnt understand everything that had happened to me.
back home in the united states...
we walked out of the elevator onto our floor and everyone started to clap. i felt out of place and just stood there still wanting to die. ducky caught my eye and beckond me to follow him, so i did. "come on my dear lets go some where quiet" he said and we got into the elevator. once we got to autopsy he had me sit on one of the metal tables and looked me in the eyes. "oh what have they done to you?" he asked.
"nothing that i couldnt handle" i said even though i knew he could hear the hollowness in it.
"let me look you over and see what i can do to ease you pain though"
"ok doctor" i said.
"its still ducky to you and i will try to be careful. now if you could take off your top for a minute. we may also have something clean for you to put on in the back" he turned to the door and locked it before putting a cloth over it.
"ok" i said and did as i was told. he walked back over and started to take inventory of my injuries. he saw my back and turned to grab antiseptic stuff to clean it. "bull whips" i said and he nodded but continued what he was doing once he was done cleaning them he covered them with a bandage.
"now you can put this on my dear and we can look at the rest of you" he whispered handing me a blue scrub top.
"no" i said.
"why not my dear?"
"you will think im disgusting and dirty" i whispered pulled my legs to my chest.
"i promise whatever happened to you there will not change any thoughts i have on you already." he said and i relaxed knowing that he wouldnt lie to me. i did as he asked and he started at my feet just to get me to relax more. when he got to the bruising on the inside of my legs he said "im sorry that you were there alone we never forgot you" and continued what he was doing. once he had me all bandaged he gave me some medicine and had me finish getting dressed. "you can talk to me" he whispered "nobody can hear you down here i promise."
"i dont know where to start duck" i said and crumbled to the floor crying.
"oh my dear. shhh... you are alright. you are safe here and home. shhh... relax" he said sitting next to me and pulling me into a hug just letting me cry into his shoulder.

i noticed ziva follow ducky but couldnt follow right away know that he was going to check her over and clean up the wounds she undoubtably had. after an hour i decided to go check his lab, but found the door locked and covered so nobody could see in. i did hear crying though and thought better of knocking just waiting for it to stop. after about twenty minutes it stopped and i knocked on the door. ducky flicked the cover back and let me in. "shh...jethro she cried herself to sleep" he said and i saw her curled up on the floor with a make shift pillow and blanket over her.
"how is she?" i whispered back not taking my eyes off of her.
"in pain, but she will heal physically"
"and mentally?"
"they broke her down. i beleive if given the chance and if she had been there any longer she would have found a way to get herself killed. she still wants to die though."
"we cant lose her again duck. i dont think tony could handle it" i said before dumping my coffee and walking out. leaving ziva with ducky to sleep for a while. i got back to the squad room and found mcgee and tony asleep on the floor and just let them sleep. thinking that we could finish reports tomorrow.

i was sitting at my desk waiting for ziva to wake up knowing that she wasnt going to sleep through the night peacefully. and i was right around 5 o'clock in the evening she shot up breathing heavily and panicking until her surroundings started to make sense. "ziva?" i questioned before wlaking over to her.
"ducky" she sighed "i cant do this"
"do what?"
"stay here i need to get away for a bit" she said "tell the others im going to new york for a few days maybe longer. ive got a friend up there that can give me a place to stay and they can help me out." she said before running out of the room. "oh and tell them they wont find me" she said poking her head back in the door.