Disclaimer: I do not own star trek

This story I wrote to provide a little more backstory for why acts the way he does. I feel that they never really explained why he and Spock clashed so much or why he left his daughter with his sister back on Earth. To better understand this story please read chapter two of worst memories. read and review. more reviews equal faster updates! on a related note the star trek story I'm working on is nearly finished and currently around 20,000 words it'll probably top out at 25,000. the story will expound on the stories presented in worst memories and decision points, and will be one of a series of stories.

Note: This story takes place after the memory described in chapter 2 of my fanfic story worst memories.

Dr. McCoy

"Beep"

McCoy blearily reached a hand down to find the source of the incessant beeping that had awoken him from his drunken stupor. His fingers brushed dirty clothes, dishes, half-empty fast food containers before landing on the source of the annoying noise: a data Padd. He picked the module up and squinted at the screen, a message that said "URGENT" was flashing across the screen. McCoy pressed a finger to the open icon on the tablet and was greeted with a message informing him that he was being evicted from his apartment. McCoy deleted the message and tossed the Padd aside.

Every day it seemed like he had gotten a message and all of them had been bad. One, message he had received several days ago was from the hospital network that he worked for, terminating him for his months' long absence without notice. And he had received several messages from bill collectors, because Jocelyn had somehow during the divorce managed to shift almost all the assets to herself and all the debts to him. Another had been from Jocelyn demanding that he return her wedding ring. The ring was his grandmother's and Jocelyn had hardly ever worn it, in fact she had thrown it at his feet the day she left. He clearly remembered that day.

He had come home from work to find her packing in their bedroom.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving" she said without turning around. He watched as she angrily shoved another piece of clothing into her bag.

"We can work this out, you don't have to-"he began

"No we can't work this out" she turned around her face furious. " what? you want us to go talk, you want me to sit down and say I'm sorry, get some counseling and everything can go back to the way it was"

"I'm saying we can stay together, I forgive you, I"

"you forgive me" she spat the words out then snorted, "I should be the one forgiving you, you left me here day after day, Dr. McCoy, the hotshot doctor off for another day at work saving lives, and me stuck at home"

"You have a job, I never made you-"

"you never let me be myself either, you expected something I'm not, I can't be your mother, or your sisters, your aunts, I can't be that perfect wife that bakes and cooks and cleans and doesn't have a life of her own, that's not me"

McCoy was at a loss for words

"I want a life, Leonard, a real career, I want some personal satisfaction, and you want some 19th century fairytale."

"We can work this out, what about Joanna"

"What about her?" She looked at him tears of anger trickling down her face. "You wanted her, I never wanted kids, let's have a child you said over and over, you practically made me have her, and half the time you don't even have time for her."

Jocelyn turned away from him, and finished stuffing the last of stuff into her bag.

"You don't have to leave"

"I do" she picked up her bag, and slung it over her shoulder.

She turned and walked toward the door her hand was on the doorknob, when he asked her:

"Why are you doing this?"

"Why am I doing this?" She turned and looked at him one last time. "That's not the question you need to ask. Ask yourself why you did this"

He stared at her wondering what had become of the woman he married.

" it's over Leonard, I've filed the papers for divorce , I gave you the custody and full parental rights for Joanna, I'm done" She pulled her wedding ring, off her finger and threw it at his feet, then she was gone.

McCoy leaned over and picked up the gold band and stood there staring at it, for what seemed like several minutes, he looked up as he heard a small sob, Joanna was standing there, Oh god, he hadn't even known she was home., how much had she heard?. She looked up at him her face streaked with tears and utterly miserable. "Mommy's gone" she said her voice muffled with tears, McCoy looked at her he had nothing to say that would make it better, instead he scooped up the crying girl, and held her, one hand twined in her hair, as she cried into his shoulder, the other staring at the ring in his hand, it was cold with the feeling of betrayal.

The memory of that day still lingered. McCoy pulled himself off the couch, where he had sprawled last night after drinking nearly half a bottle of whiskey. At the moment he wanted nothing more than to stay there for several more hours, but his body cried out for what he had gotten use to: alcohol. A few months ago he would have felt a lot worse from imbibing such a large quantity of alcohol; now his body had gotten use to the punishment, all he had was a headache and that would eventually go away when he had a drink.

McCoy walked toward the counter of the kitchenette in his one room apartment, stumbling several times as he picked his way through the litter scattered across the room floor. He reached the counter and grabbed a bottle of brandy and a slightly filthy glass; he poured himself a glass and took a long swallow. He finished the glass and had raised the bottle to his lips for another drink when the door rang, startling him for a moment. ; He ignored it and took another draught.

"Leonard I know you're in there" a voice rang out, this time, accompanying the door buzzer. McCoy recognized the voice as that of Abraham Giezel, a neurologist at one of the hospitals McCoy worked, had worked he amended himself remembering the termination message he had received. The door buzzer rang out again accompanied by Dr. Abraham's insistent voice "Open up Leonard, I'm perfectly prepared to stand outside your door all day"

McCoy set the bottle of brandy down with a sigh and moved toward the door, he had known Abraham for several years and the neurologist was nothing if not persistent.

McCoy unlocked the door and pulled it open just as the neurologist was about to call out again, his aborted yell was changed into a startled reply of "you look like Sh-!" McCoy gave a grunt, and then said "what do you want?"

The neurologist replied "For you to stop wallowing in a pool of self-pity and to start living again"

McCoy's acerbic rhetorical question of "And just how should I do that?" was answered literally by Dr. Abraham as he pushed his way past Dr. McCoy and into the apartment.

"First you could start by cleaning up, you look like you haven't bathed in days", Dr. Abraham said looking at his friend. McCoy had several weeks' worth of beard growth on his face, his clothes were dirty and overlarge, his eyes were bloodshot and his face was fatigued.

"Second" the doctor continued as he removed the remains of a pizza from the bottom of his shoe, with a look of disgust "You could clean up this place and third you could come out with me for a cup of coffee"

"Abraham, I-"McCoy began seriously irritated with the neurologist's comments

"I'm not taking No for an answer" Abraham said cutting McCoy off.

"I'm not going any-"McCoy began again crossly.

"Leonard, you're a drunk" Abraham said looking at McCoy seriously.

"I want you to leave, now! " McCoy yelled angrily.

" I'm not going to" the neurologist said " this places reeks of alcohol, you smell of it, you look like one of the bums we used to see in the ER; You're not taking care of yourself"

"What I do is my own business, so what I'm not taking care of myself" McCoy shouted furiously.

Abraham looked at his friend who obviously wasn't taking his plight seriously enough, and decided to go with his last straw it was a low blow, but if it would make McCoy stop screwing up his life it was worth it.

"You weren't taking care of Joanna either" said Abraham, who was the godfather of McCoy's daughter.

"Don't you ever tell me, one F-ing thing about how I wasn't taking care of her" McCoy yelled furiously advancing on the small neurologist his face livid. "I'm the only one that was taking care of her"

The neurologist stood his ground "You weren't taking care of her, I heard about how you gave Joanna to your sister after were so drunk one night you passed out on the couch and she nearly drowned herself"

At this last comment, all the fight went out of McCoy. He slumped into a chair at the cluttered table in the apartment, his head in his hands. In spite of the drunken haze he had been in McCoy remembered the events of that night very clearly He had had awoken from his drunken stupor, some indefinable sense telling him that something was wrong. He had gone to the back door of the house they were renting and found the door open. He walked outside into the backyard and found Joanna floating face down in the small pond behind the house, one of the small boats she played with floating next to her. He had waded in and pulled her out, her weight was so heavy and lifeless in his arms, cold tendrils of water dripped off her soaked hair and clothes. He had laid her on the bank and tried to resuscitate her and after what had seemed like hours, he was rewarded with a small shuddering breath and a cough... He had been so close to losing her.

Abraham placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and said "Leonard you're a good a man and a brilliant doctor, I'm not going to let you screw up your life"

McCoy looked up at this comment, his eyes were bloodshot and tired, his face looked aged beyond his years, he was a pitiful sight. Abraham looked down at his friend, refusing to feel pity and said "Now, get up and pull yourself together"