Title: Daisies
Author: DnKS-giRLs
Rating: PG
Pairing: TezuFuji
Disclaimers: we curse thee, o wicked people. Why art thou as cruel to us as to force us inscribe this disclaimer over and over again? We possess not any of the characters cited here, oh yea, thou dost know, thou didst know, thou have always known. Why torment us so, oh so vindictive art thou. Fate, death, divine power of any kind, save us we beg thy doing so!
Warning: we were crazy when we wrote this so… well, that doesn't make any big difference though, cause… hell, we're always crazy anyway…
There had always been something between them, something unexplainable, yet persistent as ever. If he was about to speak of what that 'something' was, Fuji Shuusuke did not know what should he do. It was something beyond the grasp of words, outside the power of logic, and by any means, it was something far exceeding his comprehension. Words might tell, but they could never explain. Logic might explain but it could never understand. And him, with his comprehension he might understand, but he could never tell.
He did not know for how long he had been running along that circle of confusion. The words told him about what actually happened; of how he always stole shy glances to his beloved tennis captain he dearly called Tezuka Kunimitsu. Logic explained him that there had to be something behind those shy glances he always threw to the said person. His comprehension made him understand that it was only one thing could possibly be behind those little actions, something so sweetly named as love.
Still, he could never tell.
Those shy glances remained. His confusion lingered. He knew that he was in love, but what could he do? Because, as he had so bitterly accepted, he could never tell.
"Why do you always look at me like that?"
Amidst the falling leaves in the autumn of their second year Tezuka had asked him that. It was an out-of-nowhere, spur-of-the-moment question, yet it could make him stop dead in his track.
"Like what?"
"Like you have something in your mind that you want to tell me yet you're unable to do so."
He breathed out. Tezuka was no fool; he would have sensed that stupid confusion he had in his heart all that entire time long. He would know because they had been so long together as friends and he knew Tezuka cherished all of his friends. He really cared for them all, and he was no exception.
But still, he smiled brightly as he willed his heart to stop hurting, he could not tell.
"That's just your feeling, I think."
Why he could never tell, he did not know. As far as he knew, it was not because of some stupid excuses like the fear of being rejected or the trepidation that it would ruin their good friendship or what. He did not have any fear and he was always willing to take risk. It was just for that matter, he could not tell. No matter for what reason it was, still that fact remained.
He tried to be more discreet about his glances for truthfully, he just could not stop throwing his glances to his object of admiration. He gazed at him always, looking up to him as ever, dreaming about him in the night and seeing him passing by in the day.
But Tezuka had to ruin it all when under the blossoming cherry trees he cornered him. It was the spring of their third year and those pink petals were dancing around them, framing them, caressing them.
"Be honest to me."
"What?"
"You have something in your mind. I know it Fuji, and I don't like seeing you like this."
"I don't."
"Assure me."
Those pink petals had to be the one at fault, he thought as he shortly reflected on his action after Tezuka said those words. Yes, those pink petals had to be the one at fault because they were falling all around them in a perfectly romantic way. It was the scene so often being used in cheesy dramas where a couple confessed their feeling with so many words of love flying between them and afterwards kissed each other passionately.
He admitted that none of them confessed their feeling, he admitted that none of them uttered even a single word of love, and yet he admitted that they kissed that time.
No, they did not kissed…
It was just him kissing Tezuka and afterwards leaving him without any further word.
There was no change in their act toward each other after that event took place. So much it plagued him until he could almost believe that incident never happened. They were still talking like usual, behaving like usual, practicing like usual, competing like usual.
And in his case, he was still throwing those glances to Tezuka every now and then.
He thought that they would remain like that forever. He had no complaint over that matter, though. He was content of forever running along his circle of confusion. He was content of just glancing at his captain without anything given back to him as his reward.
But sometimes, Fate has its own way of doing things.
It was not in any bed where he lost his virginity. No, rather it was on the field of grass located on the very secluded part of his school's yard. There were only grasses under his bare back, daisies around his bare body, and Tezuka above his bare chest.
He blamed Atobe Keigo from Hyoutei as the cause of the thing they did that time. That guy had hurt Tezuka, forced him to go to Germany to treat his injury, and in the process, terrified him of the prospect of never able to see his captain again.
And so, they were trapped in that situation. After hearing Tezuka's decision to leave for Germany, he could not think as rationally as usual. Without understanding how exactly did he do it, he seduced Tezuka who by any means was just a normal teenager with his level of hormones to settle with. And in the end, there he found himself and Tezuka, lying side by side under the blue sky with white daisies blooming around them.
"May I ask what the meaning of this is?"
He knew that the question would come but at that moment he was too drained to think of any explanation.
"I don't know."
"I'm sure you know."
"I can't tell."
He saw Tezuka standing up and straightening his rather crumpled uniform. The sun was shining above him, making him a proud silhouette against the sky.
"When I'm back, I hope you can tell me."
He saw Tezuka leaving and strangely, he did not have any intention of chasing after him. He just observed calmly as his figure became distant and finally disappeared from sight. His right hand clutched and within its grasp he found a bunch of white daisies resided there.
At the time when Tezuka's plane took off, he was putting those daisies between the pages of his textbook. By the time Tezuka first gave him a call across nations only to tell him to do well in the upcoming match, the daisies had already been dried up. By the time he saw Tezuka come back, he had already been carrying those daisies around wherever he went.
And when he was finally standing in front of Tezuka that afternoon, those dried up daisies were being clutched in his right palm.
The sounds of tennis balls hitting the ground were audible in the background. They were indeed in the middle of training in that summer camp that year. But Tezuka had taken the liberty he was given as a coach and asked him to come for some moments.
His palm clutched the daisies more forcefully as Tezuka's voice came, saying the question that had been hanging between them.
"I hope you still remembered what have you done that certain time."
"I do."
"Why did you do it?"
"I just wanted to."
"And the reason behind that?"
Biting his lips, he did not know what should he tell Tezuka. Could he tell it? Finally could he tell it?
Averting his gaze from Tezuka's face, he looked around and with a start he realized that there were so many white daisies around them. Those simple white flowers were bowing their heads to the flow of the wind and he, as if entranced, stared at the rhythmical movements of those crowns of white. It was as if Fate was mocking him. The scene was so similar with that scene he remembered from that certain time: the blue sky, the green grasses, the white daisies, and the ever-so-proud Tezuka standing before him. Seeing all those, he felt his breath stopped in his throat and a feeling akin to sadness crept over his entire self. So far had he tried to run from the inevitable, yet then when he saw those white daisies, he realized that he was tired of running.
He knew when to admit defeat.
"I love you."
The spell had been broken then. He had freed himself from the circle of his confusion. He could finally tell.
He observed how Tezuka did not say any word afterward but he felt no fear of what would happen next. He did not afraid if Tezuka might reject him, if he would be disgusted by him, or even if he would get angry at him.
"Why did it take so long for you to confess?"
"I could not tell."
"But now you can."
A laugh came from his lips. Yes, he could finally tell and it felt so relieving. He minded not the fact that Tezuka had said nothing regarding his confession. Just saying it had made him feel content, concerning not what might happen afterwards.
"What is it in you hand?"
"Daisies."
"Daisies?"
"I got them the last time we were together, as some kind of reminder."
He felt Tezuka grabbing his palm to take those dried up daisies from his clutch. With a start he saw as Tezuka took them away and let them be blown by the wind. He was just about to demand an explanation of his action when he saw Tezuka kneel before him. He watched as his captain grabbed a handful of fresh white daisies and shoved them into his hands before standing rigid in front of him again.
Confused, he looked straight into Tezuka's eyes.
"You got them the first time we are together, as some kind of reminder."
He looked at those fresh daisies in his hands then fixed his gaze back to Tezuka's face. He noticed how there were stains of soil on his pants, some leaves were struck in his hair, and some white petals were scattered on his hands.
"Why did you do it?"
"I just wanted to."
"And the reason behind that?"
He would never forget of how Tezuka actually smiled a little before pulling him into his embrace. He would never forget the warmth he felt that time. And he would never forget how his heart jumped when he heard him saying those three words.
"I love you."
His chuckles were muffled by Tezuka's shirt yet he could still muster to say.
"Why did it take so long for you to confess?"
- the end -
(A/N: you know the strangest thing about this fic? When it's written, though it's a TezukaxFuji fic, we kept having the images of Shirota and Aiba instead of Tezuka and Fuji. Weird… but anyway, hope you like this fic (smile) and yes, we're still craving for some reviews and will be more than happy to receive yours. Hah, this authors note look normal… finally we can make a kind-of decent authors notes, eh? Better stop this now before we start rambling like a bunch of dorks we are. So, bye for now!)