Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
"We need to talk."
I had been expecting this for awhile now, but it hurt just the same. "No," I said in reply. I turn to walk away, but she grabs my hand.
"Please," she whispers.
I sigh and sit back down in my chair. "Fine."
She sits across from me, staring out the window beside us. "You need to stop." She says it bluntly.
"No."
Her eyes drift over to mine. "Will you at least hear me out?" she asks softly. At my nod, she continues. "It's not just about yourself anymore. Your family is hurting. I'm hurting. You're hurting yourself, even if you don't feel it."
"No!" I yell. "I don't need this shit, especially not from you."
As I push away from the table, she sighs in deep frustration and slams her hands on the desk.
"Why did I even come here?" I hear her murmer to herself. "Valerie," she yells, "You need help."
"No!"
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
"Valerie." She wouldn't shut up. "Please just listen to me, I know what I'm talking about. They have clinics-"
"I'm not going to no goddamned clinic!" I kick the table in frustration. Why can't she just leave me alone? I'm happy the way I am.
"Okay," She says soothingly. "Okay. But please, Val, I'll help you. I'll stay with you.."
I begin to shake. It's been three days now, three days too long. I need it, I have to have it, and she is wasting my time.
"..help you through it." She is still talking, but I can't focus. She continues to speak soothingly, but I have to get out of here, I have to leave.
"Whatever," I say, standing up. "I have to go." As I all but run through the door, I hear her praying quietly behind me.
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
I don't know where I am, or how I got here. I can't do it anymore! It's been two weeks since that conversation, but anytime I touch a needle I see her face. So, I made my decision. I begged a man for money until he finally gave me seventy-five cents.. just enough for one phone call. With shaky hands, I dial the number I know by memory.
"Hello?" Her voice is tired, sleepy, and I vaguelly wonder what time it is.
"Stephanie," I whisper.
"Val?" She is instantly awake, ready to come to my side. The shakes get worse as I fight off the battle of emotions. "Val, are you okay? Where are you?"
"Steph," I whisper again. "Can you come and get me?"
"Where are you?"
I look around and name the physical features around me. "I'll be right there," she promises. I exit the phone booth and curl up on the side of the road.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
"Steph, it hurts, it hurts!" I scream, cry, and yell, but she won't let go of me. "Goddammit," I scream, "Let me go!" I give up, I give up. I can't do this.
"I can't do this!"
"Yes you can!" she yells back. I'm on fire, I'm burning, I'm dying.. It is killing me. I can't stop shaking.. Goddamned shaking.
"Dear God!" I moan. I roll over to wretch, but I have nothing left to throw up. "God, just kill me, please, God, just kill me, please God.."
When I wake up, I find that I'm still in my sister's arms. "Steph," I whisper, nudging her. She grumbles and waves my hand away. "Steph."
"What?" She asks grumpily, sitting up. She looks at me, at my renewed skin color, at my steady hands.
"Dear God," she whispers, hugging me hard around the waist. "Thank you, God.."
I return her hug, just as hard. "I'm so sorry," I sob, burying my face in her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," she whispers, crying just as hard. "You're okay now. You're okay."
"Thank you for staying with me," I mutter, my voice strained from the crying. "You saved my life.. Thank you.. thank you.."
"You're welcome," she whispers back. "Are we friends?"
I smile and embrace her again. "Friends."
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life