Hi guys. I feel sad. Here is my sadness.
What is it like?
Loving someone you love, whom you know will never love you?
Well, there are different steps to that understanding. First, it's bright and blooming—with hope. Think of spring, with the bursting pink cherry blossoms, and the scent of cotton and life looming in the air. Think of the puddles of water from the rain showers that you can jump and splash in, knowing that you'll never drown. Think of the crisp, first crop of juicy, red apples and biting into one, having the sweet nectar on your lips, and thinking, Wow, so this is Spring. You're filled with so much hope for the new year, and secretly you wonder if maybe they do love you too, that there is a chance.
Soon the flowers bloom to their full extent, and the sun gets a little higher in the sky. There is hot, passion filling the air—you are determined. You think, if maybe you were a bit bolder, a bit stronger they would definitely notice you. You are unrelenting like the summer heat, and you bask yourself in the rays of the sun for a golden tan. Unfortunately, there are times when you get burnt, but you apply ointment and go back into the sun anyway. It's a nasty addiction, but you can't help it. You think, I won't get burned this time. I learned from my previous mistakes. But you don't apply sunscreen because it's too burdensome so when you go back outside you get burned again, and wincing slightly in foolish optimism you think, So this is Summer.
After summer passes, the sun begins to sink into the horizon, and nights get darker and evenings get cooler. You wrap yourself in a wooly sweater, and drink hot chocolate whilst writing poems and love songs. You jump in the leaves from spring, and you smile sadly. Spring has passed, and realization has sunk in. Gone is the bloom and life and energy—now only the dead pieces of spring are remaining, and you can't help but wonder if spring was all merely a dream. You get quieter, and settle into a dream-like state. Staring at the leaves falling on the trees outside your window, you crumble and think, Ah, so this is Fall. And you decide it's appropriately named.
Winter. There is no flowers. No trees. No life. The only signs you see that you're even on the same Earth you were during Spring is a similar landscape and roads and pavement. There's no snow. Only bitter mornings, where you force yourself to open your eyes and drag yourself out of bed. No motivation. Even the sun has grown lazy. You suddenly realize there is no point. What is the point of all that life during Spring, if it all just dies in the Winter? You want to curl up in a ball underneath your blankets and sleep. Block out all the noise pollution, and the commitments, the responsibilities—everything. You want it all to stop. But you can't. Because you think of Spring, and remember how beautiful and wonderful it was and there is the last whisper of hope remaining in the bottom of your Pandora's box, and you can't help but hope that Spring will come back.
You realize then, that Spring never had a purpose. Spring in the end, was meant to let you down, to make you realize that you could never have it.
That's, what it's like, Neji.
Loving you, is like Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter.
And by Winter I know, that I can never call you mine.
There is my sadness. I hope you guys enjoyed.