"Now since I already explained that I'm a gyophobic person, this story is about how a mans best friend brings one of his turns on".
"A slow day in Laramie Wyoming".
Brian of course doesn't look like he's having fun and not getting in the mood, so I go and ask him what's up. "Hey Brian why aren't you having any fun", I asked. Brian looked at me and just went back to writing in his book. "What are writing", I asked again. Brian took a deep breath in and said, that he was writing a song for me". "A song for me", I said. "Yes. Read the lyrics".
I sat down next to him and read the lyrics out loud.
Day after day.
Love turns grey
Like the skin of a dying man.
And night after night.
We pretend it's alright.
But I have grown older
And you have grown colder
And nothing is very much fun anymore.
And I can feel
One of my turns coming on.
And I feel
Cold as a razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet
Dry as a funeral drum.
Run to the bedroom
In the suit case on the left
You'll find my favorite axe.
Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phrase
One of my bad days.
Would you like to watch T.V?
Or get between the sheets?
Or contemplate the silent freeway?
Would you like something to eat?
Would you like to learn to fly?
Would ya?
Would you like to see me try?.
Aaah, no.
Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?.
Once I finished reading the song, I asked him what it was for. He looked at me then looked left and right, only to whisper in my ear saying that he was also gynophobic. And that the song was for me and him to use. Now I thought this was a good idea, so that girls would stay away from us, so I went with the plan. I waited for my old friend Carolyn to come over and Brian would be waiting in the car. When Carolyn arrived I told her we we're gonna go to my house to cool off, since it was so hot out at the time. She agreed and we drove off back to my house.
When we got there, I told Carolyn to go make some kool-aid or lemonade to cool us off. And that we will turn on the air conditioner, and fire some family guys on my PlayStation. When everything was set up, Brian looked at his watch and forgot he had a doctors appointment to run to. So it was me and Carolyn watching family Guy. I allowed Carolyn to sit on the couch, and for me to sit in my chair. Carolyn picked family Guy season 11 episode 11. Very close to the episode that gave me a heart attack. But she lied, and instead of episode 11. She switched to episode 12. I just played it cool and tried to calm down. But one of my turns was already starting to build up. So I began singing the lyrics of one of my turns, in my mind very soft.
"Lyrics".
Day after day
Love turns grey
Like the skin of a dying man.
And night after night
We pretend it's alright
But I have grown older
And you have grown colder
And nothing is very much fun anymore.
And I can feel
One of my turns coming on.
And I feel
Cold as a razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet
Dry as a funeral drum.
As soon as stewie brings Brian into The living room to see all his girlfriends, I immediately got into action by kicking the tv down. Then destroying my home, trying to get revenge on Carolyn, while still singing. But loudly.
Run to the bedroom
In the suit case on the left
You'll find my favorite axe.
Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phrase
One of my bad days.
Would you like to watch T.V?
Or get between the sheets?
Or contemplate the silent freeway?
Would you like something to eat?
Would you like to learn to fly?
Would ya?
Would you like to see me try?.
Aaah, no.
I followed Carolyn to my bedroom we're she was ducking in cover while I was destroying my room swearing my eyes out. "Damn it", I yelled throwing a brick at a picture. Then I threw a small desk tv across the room. "Ugh/Die Already/Fuck/Fuuck". Then Carolyn had the chance to run out the door. Of course I thought she was still in the house. So I kicked a hole in my closet door, to grab a baseball bat and began swinging it around at stuff. Eventually I thought I heard her behind the blinds. So I yanked them down.
Still as mad as I was I took disc 2 of my family dvd out my PlayStation and threw it in the kitchen. Then I picked up my PlayStation 3, and threw out the window.
Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?.
I cut my hand on some broken glass.
"TAKE THAT FUCKERS", I yelled before Before the PlayStation hit the ground, exploding. I yelled again. And never saw or heard from Carolyn again. Or for at least 3 months.
Then when I began cleaning up, Brian walked in. "Oh my god, Gilligan what happened", Brian asked. I gulped and said that Carolyn put on my least favorite T.V Episode. Brian hugged me and told me I did the right thing to get rid of her.