I don't own Criminal Minds! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1

"I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I'm not. No one ever really gets used to nightmares."

-Mark Z. Danielewski

"Wake up JayJe, it's just a nightmare," he whispered before going back to sleep. The nightmares happened so often he didn't really care anymore, I have to work in the morning, he justified, ignoring the crying and whimpering next to him.

On the outside, at work JJ was the epitome of the perfect agent her colleagues didn't have a clue about the demons that haunted her at home. At first Will had been patient and caring, holding her, wiping away tears, kissing her, promising she wasn't in that basement anymore. Of course after three months of taking care of her he'd grown tired and resentful. He resented her and her job thinking that if she had just moved to New Orleans when he'd asked her none of this would've happened.

"You can't go to work Cher," he said pouring milk into Henry's cereal. She barely managed to look up from her cold coffee, "you haven't slept well in months and to be honest last night neither have I. Last night was the worst, you cried for hours."

Her blue eyes narrowed at the southern man, don't bring this up Will, not in front of Henry, she tried to convey with just a look. But the little boy had caught on to every word his father had said, JJ found herself staring into a smaller pair of eyes.

"Mama you have nightmares too?" he asked with the innocence only a child could posses.

Will had done this on purpose, "yeah baby, but they're just dreams," she replied leaning over to caress her son's face.

"They aren't just dreams when you've been tortured and almost killed," mumbled the man loud enough for the other occupants of the kitchen to hear.

"Will stop it," she said angrily not wanting to expose her young boys to the horrors of her job. But it was too late, the son was already in tears, "you almost gots killed mommy?"

"Yes Henry you're mother almost died because of her job," replied the detective, feeling particularly vindictive.

JJ couldn't believe Will was doing this. Scaring their son, telling him that she had almost died. "William stop it you're scaring him!" her voice came out louder than expected.

"What Cher? You want me to keep lying to him? He should be scared, there's always the chance you won't come home," the little boy was sobbing now, not understanding that his parents were having an argument, instead focusing on the fact that his mother might not come home tonight.

A mother's instinct is hard to fight, she wanted to punch her husband but her son came first, she needed to comfort Henry and make sure he understood she'd be ok.

"Hey buddy come here," she called, Henry leap in her arms crying loudly.

"Mommy you have to come home and you can't gets killed," he cried.

"Henry honey I need you to calm down," she ran a hand up and t=down his small back, "I will always come home, you know why?"

The little boy shook his head, "I'll always come home because I have you. There aren't bad guys bad enough to keep me away from you."

"Why don't you go play in your room for a little while? I'll take you to work with me and you'll get to see your aunt Pen?" this seemed to cheer him up enough to let go of his mom and run to his room.

JJ took a minute to gather her thoughts and calm her anger, what the hell was that? She asked herself, conscious that her husband was staring at her.

"Well?" he broke the silence.

"Well what Will? What the hell were you thinking? How could you say those things to Henry, are you out of your mind?" she said angrily, barely managing to keep from screaming.

"I didn't tell my boy a single lie, it's time he found out the truth about what you do. I'm done with this; I won't keep feeding the fantasy you've created. And I will not lie to my son," replied the detective, anger coating every word.

"Are you even listening to yourself? Henry is barely four, you're going to traumatize him," her hands shook as she lifted her mug to her lips.

"No Jennifer, the only one that's going to traumatize him is you."

"I don't have time for this, I have to get to work," she said getting up to fetch Henry.

He laughed harshly, "You never have time for this Cher. Well guess what, I don't have time for you anymore, I don't have time to comfort you while you're crying in your sleep, I don't have time! I'm tired and I thought I could handle it, I thought after you got kidnapped you'd realize that I was right, I thought you were gonna change. But it's gotten worse, I don't want this anymore, maybe I could've helped you, maybe if this had happened a while ago? But you know what I'm thinking while you're crying every night?" he asked taking a step closer to her, "I think that you deserve it, you put yourself in that situation and you got what you deserved."

Each one of his words felt like a slap on the face. She'd been trying so hard to mend their relationship, she had for years, but this was the last straw. It made her notice the little things; how he hadn't kissed her in the last two months, how he could hardly look at her in the eye, how she woke up alone every morning.

She wanted to yell back at the man, she wanted to hit him and tell him he was wrong, but he had just voiced her own secret fears, he had stripped her of the little security she felt, of the little hope she had that things would get better, he took it all in under five minutes.

"You know what Will, you're right. Maybe it's better that we move on, separately, maybe it'd better if we end this," she couldn't meet his eyes, she didn't want to. Side stepping the stunned man she went upstairs to collect her son. She could still see Will standing in the kitchen when she left the house and she could still hear his words echoing in her head as she dropped Henry at the daycare. She held herself together until she got to her office, as soon as she closed her door she collapsed, the tears she held back earlier poured down her face, the hurt she swallowed a mere hour ago came back making it hard to breathe.

Her phone started to ring; taking a deep breath she picked up, "Jareau."

"Jay? What's the matter?" asked a very familiar voice.

A sob escaped her lips, "Blackbird," replied the blonde, knowing that Emily didn't need any other explanation. It was their panic word. Both women had agreed that if either one of them uttered the two syllables; it meant they were at their breaking point. Meaning that Emily would be back in the States in the next 24 hours.

"I'll get on the next flight, hang on I'm coming," whispered Emily, knowing that the blonde would only use their code if things became too much. JJ spent the next fifteen minutes trying to compose herself, knowing that it was only a matter of time before one guys came to check on her.

Emily is coming, she thought, knowing that the brunette was the only person who could help her make sense of her broke self.

R&R!