When he was a little boy, Bickslow suffered a horrible loss. His family all passed away and all he ever wanted, the only thing he could ever imagine spending the rest of his life doing, was finding them. Some people told him they were gone, no more, that when death came for you, that was it. Other people told him there was one of two places they'd gone, and he'd better just hope for the one up top and not down below. But finally, eventually, Bickslow discovered the one magic that proved both of those wrong.
Souls, lost souls, roam the earth for all of eternity. And with his newfound magic, he could see them. Unfortunately, he found that it was impossible to find what had happened to his family's and, rather quickly into learning this magic, he found that it was useless.
Well, useless wasn't the right word. It did bring him some happiness. When he found five lost souls looking for someone to care for them, well, the young boy found that they were exactly who he was looking for. Because he was lost too. He needed someone too. Someone to protect him and love him. The same as them. So, the way he saw it, they could love one another!
And they did. All through his life they did. The problem, however, was that a soul, once separated from it's being, didn't grow or change with the times. Rather it was trapped in the same state it always had been, forevermore. So while he changed and became a man, the lost souls remained rather childlike and he became more of a protector and provider than an equally lost individual.
The problem was, though, that Bickslow did know that he wanted something different, but wasn't quite sure what it was. It was a new search than he went on.
He thought that maybe friends were what he wanted. So he went out and got the very best. Honest, they were. Almost like siblings, they were. Freed was more of a brother to Bickslow than anyone ever had been. Laxus was a guidance for sure. Thought the man could be cold at times, he knew that the feeling was returned. And Evergreen, well, she cared so much about him. Bickslow knew it. Even if sometimes she didn't seem to.
But that whole was still there. He felt good when he was around them, but never completely right or perfect. Something else was missing.
So he tried women.
He tried a lot of women.
The problem was, most women didn't like him much.
He was weird. Odd. Kept strange hours. Said psychotic things. Played with fucking dolls, they thought.
So no, women didn't fill the void.
Jobs helped some, if only because it kept his mind off things. Kept him busy. He liked the thrill of it. Kept him on edge.
Still, nothing felt just right.
Then, one day, he thought he finally had it.
"You cannot," Laxus griped at him quite angrily, "date Mirajane's little sister!"
Oh, but he could. Hehehe, of course he could.
See, Lisanna was fucking bonkers as well. How could she not be? Killed by her brother, survived death even, oh, what an amazing soul she must have to do all that. How interesting. How intriguing.
How dark.
And Bickslow loved all things dark.
There was more to it though. A lot more.
Lisanna kept strange hours as well. Stayed up all night and slept all day. Could hold her own on jobs. Was interested, like him, in the more morbid sides of things. Didn't think his smoking stank or that his drinking was excessive. Found his babies endearing. Didn't mind the inappropriate side of his humor and found his work ethic (which was either really on or really off, depending on how he woke up) to be quite similar to hers.
They were the perfect pair!
No matter how many times boss insisted he was only going to fuck up the man's own relationship with Mirajane or Ever insisted the same about hers with Elfman.
It was destiny, the two of them ending up together. It had to be.
And yet…
No matter how many times he tried to fit the peg into the hole, it just wasn't the void filler he'd been looking for.
So he had to keep looking.
It was so aggravating. So frustrating. He started to wonder if the void was even real. If he was really feeling empty at all. Had he ever felt full? Would he ever feel it again? Or had he just made himself believe in this oddity? This emptiness? Was it not really there at all? Did everyone just feel this way and, in mourning over the loss of his family, he'd convinced himself that there was something more?
He hated the idea of being plagued by this for the rest of ever.
Bickslow didn't have a lot of fears. Not death, not pain, not the dark. Honestly, his biggest one was, once he died, what would happen to his poor babies. He hoped he'd become lost like them and they could all six be together for all of eternity, but at the same time wasn't too sure what that would even mean.
The other fear was the idea of never quite understanding what was causing that emptiness. Well, he knew that though. He thought. It'd been there since his family was taken from him. Not understanding how to make it go away though…
He had babies he cared for, a woman that he cared about, friends that meant the world to him, were practically siblings, a fulfilling job.
What?
What more did he need? What else was there in the world that could be offered to him, that could make him feel more whole?
One night, he arrived back at his apartment to find Lisanna already there, waiting him. It wasn't too odd, as she did have a key (not that he ever really remembered to lock up anyways) and he was always just dropping in on her. Still, she'd never done that before and it shocked him a bit to just find her there, on his couch. He'd thought that something was going on.
"What's up?" he asked with a frown as his babies flew straight to the woman, to greet her. The woman, who'd been flipping through a magazine, dropped it without thought as she greeted the wooden babies. "Lisanna?"
"What do you mean?" she asked through her giggles as the dolls fell to land in her lap. "Bicks?"
"Why'd you come over? So late?"
"I dunno." She even shrugged some as she glanced over at him, where he still stood by the door. "I was sitting at home and just hanging around and just thought about you."
"Thought about me?" he repeated to which she gave him a weird look.
"Yeah. Thought about you."
"Just randomly?"
"Uh-huh."
"For no other reason?"
"Not that I know of, no."
For a moment, Bickslow thought that something was wrong with him. He wasn't angry or upset or sad or mad or happy, even, really, by what she'd just said. It was a new emotion. One that he didn't quite know how to describe.
"Is something wrong with that?" Lisanna asked after a few awkward moments. "I didn't think you'd mind if I-"
"No. No!" He even took to rushing right over to her, like his babies had. "There's nothing wrong with that at all."
As she pressed a kiss to his cheek, Bickslow grinned some, tongue falling from his mouth, but his mind was actually elsewhere.
Why did what she say stick with him so much?
It wasn't like it was too weird, was it? The idea of someone...someone...thinking of him? People did. Of course they did. Freed, Ever, and Laxus did often. And others in the guild. Lisanna, of course she did. How could she not? He was probably one of the only things that she thought about those days.
But…
But no one had ever told him that. Expressed it. He was meant to just take it as a given. And yet…
There was something to it. Something...filling. About telling someone that. Letting someone know that. That you were thinking of them. Without reasoning. Just because. They were in your mind for no reason in particular, but you were glad that they were.
When you're a little kid, it's a given. You know? That your parents feel this way. That your family feels this way. That they're constantly thinking of you. You have no idea that someone possibly couldn't be. Not before you develop awareness and true empathy. Once you're orphaned though, out on the street, you come to realize pretty face, even at a young age, that no one gives a shit about you. No one cares.
At all.
You have to care about yourself. Think about yourself. And even when you find friends, find a family again, that never really leaves you. Sticks with you all your life. Changes things. The idea that someone doesn't want something out of you, even if it's just friendship or something of the like, is bizarre. That Lisanna just wanted to be around him, for no reason other than she was only wondering threw him for a loop.
But a good kind.
"Was there something that you wanted to do?" he finally found himself asking the woman who only shook her head a bit.
"Not really," Lisanna said simply. "Just hanging out's good enough for me."
"Yeah," Bickslow agreed as he sank into the couch more comfortably and relaxed in a way he hadn't in far too long. "Me too."
Finished that Miraxus one-shot and thought about how it'd been about a month since Bickslow and Lisanna got one of their own. Too unjust for my liking. It's been so long since I've written such short, little one-shots that I feel a bit odd even posting them. Hope you guys appreciate them though.