NOTE: THIS WAS NOT WRITTEN BY ME. THIS IS A STORY OF A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WANTED ME TO POST IT.
Shortcakes
by Vemreals Powerstar
NOTE: This short story is a Kirby-themed variation of Sergeant Sprinkles' "Cupcakes". It contains large amounts of gore and violence that may not be suitable for young or timid readers. If you adore things pink, puffy, and cannibalistic, you may want to turn back now. c:
Ding! The oven timer chirped and Kirby attended to it promptly. As he opened the oven, a sweet and indulgent scent burst from the racks and filled the room. The puffball put on a pair of mittens and carefully removed his freshly baked good from the oven: a delightful-looking strawberry shortcake. The smell was intoxicating, and Kirby was nearly tempted to sample the treat, but had stopped himself in time. No, this cake was for a very special person and a very important task.
He set the shortcake down on a wooden countertop, then gathered a variety of multi-colored icings and sprinkles. Kirby patiently worked on decorating the pastry, focusing on the significant details and cautious not to miss any final touches. Eventually, the puffball cleaned off the splatters of excess frosting from his body and gazed proudly upon his creation. He painted the face of a sleeping Noddy on the cake, smiling as it dreamt. It was simply perfect.
Now was the time to deliver the treat to its recipient, while it was still warm and appealing. With a cake knife, Kirby cut a small triangle-shaped portion from the shortcake, then stored it in a paper box with a bow on it. He carried the package outside and went on his way to find his next target. It was near wintertime, and the air outside was dry and chilly. The gloomy weather did little to hinder the puffball's search. He traveled through town, dead autumn leaves cracking beneath his feet, constantly observing the skies for any sign of his accomplice.
He eventually spotted him. Several feet in the gray clouds, Meta Knight soared through the air, surfing on the cool breeze with his large wings spread out wide. Kirby followed him on the ground, calling his name, waving the parcel in his hands - doing anything to get the gliding knight's attention. Meta soon realized he was being chased by the puffball, and proceeded to gracefully descend to the dying grassy plains and make a smooth landing on the ground. Kirby had just caught his breath as he approached him.
"Hey there, Mety!" Kirby chirped gleefully. "Sorry if I was interrupting anything important."
Meta Knight's wings transformed back into a cape that wrapped around his body, protecting him from the bitter cold. "No need for apologies," he replied. "I've had nothing but leisure time this morning, and I've begun to grow a bit bored of it."
Kirby giggled. "Well, since you're not busy, I thought maybe we could spend some time together this afternoon. You know, just hanging out."
Quality time? This gained the knight's attention. "Really? You've never asked about this before. What has made you so interested in sharing time with me?"
"Welllll, since the holidays are just around the corner, I thought I'd make some shortcakes to celebrate! Thing is, with the prices of flour and other ingredients rising for the winter, it's been hard finding enough materials to bake them. If you could help me with getting the ingredients, that'd be awesome!"
Meta Knight thought over this activity. It sounded easy enough, and besides, it would be a great opportunity for the two of them to get along after many months of infrequent spats and arguments. "Very well," he said. "I'd be glad to assist."
Kirby bounced about in joy, smiling and laughing. Meta Knight was glad to see him so delighted, but this sudden surplus of excitement began to feel slightly suspicious, almost frightening. He hesitantly joined the puffball anyway and shared a few chuckles.
"Ooh, I almost forgot!" Kirby stopped bouncing for a minute and presented the box of shortcake to the knight. "This is for you. I just baked it a few minutes ago."
Meta Knight accepted the parcel, puzzled. "I thought you said you had ran out of ingredients."
"I did. Made this with the last of my special ingredient. I knew I was going to get more, so I decided to save a piece for you."
The knight opened the box and surveyed the brightly-decorated pastry inside, a plastic fork included. He lifted his mask from his face and tried a bite. It was heavenly sweet and delicious.
He then closed the box again. "Not bad. What's the special ingredient?"
Another high-pitched giggle. "You'll see in just a moment."
"What do you mean?" Meta Knight had barely finished his question when he suddenly began to feel very weak and dizzy. He felt himself losing his balance, swaying to and fro. Kirby caught the knight just before he could collapse to the ground.
The puffball then whispered into his ear, "It's a surprise."
Seconds later, Meta Knight lost consciousness.
The knight slowly began to wake up, his head aching and his body numb. He found himself in a mysterious room, a small lamp radiating light above him while the area around him was pitch-black dark. Confused, he tried to look around, but leather straps restrained the knight's arms and feet tightly to a rough, wooden bed, supported by a heavy metal axis that was bolted to the floor.
How did he end up in this strange place? Meta Knight was struggling to remember what had happened when Kirby jumped in front of his face and surprised him.
"Boo!" shouted the puffball. He giggled at the sight of the scared, helpless knight. "Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead! Boy, you were knocked out for a good couple of hours. Bet you had some real sweet dreams!"
Meta Knight pulled at his bonds. "Kirby, what's going on? Why am I tied up?"
Kirby laughed yet again. "I told you it was going to be a surprise!" He disappeared into the darkness for several minutes, then from there, he called out, "Ready to see what I've made?"
The rest of the lights in the room instantly came to life. The knight was briefly blinded by their sudden introduction, but soon witnessed the most incredible scene that surrounded him. Everywhere, large tables stood in the room, each one displaying dozens of homemade shortcakes. Most of them resembled common Dreamlanders, including Waddle Dees and Bronto Burts. About half of them had already been partially eaten. The ones that were untouched, however, had the faces of old and familiar friends decorated on them. They all had the same, simple grin, their eyes as wide and bright as the last day enjoyed with them.
Meta Knight stared transfixed at the array of treats before him. His attention was brought back by a soft paintbrush stroking across his cheeks, making invisible lines. He looked down and saw Kirby, dressed in a dark turquoise gown and donning a maroon beret as he pretended to paint on the knight's face as if it were a canvas.
"L`aimez-vous, mon chevalier?" Giggle. "That's French! Or is that Italian? Eh, it's all the same, isn't it?"
Meta Knight blinked in disbelief. "You're...you're wearing Adeleine's clothes!"
"Yessir, I am!" Kirby frolicked in place, watching the dress wave behind him like a flag. "I met up with her one day when she came to visit the town again. I gave her some cake, and she got really sleepy, just like you did!" Giggle. "We had a lot of fun playing together, and at the end of the day, I made her into an adorable little shortcake. You should've tasted it - it was super yummy!"
The knight was in shock. "You ATE her?" His pulse began to race, and he struggled even more to break free from the wooden bed.
"What reason was there not to?" the puffball continued. "She was perfect; not too fat, not too skinny, not too furry...and besides, her gown makes a really great costume, even though it's not as unique as the others."
Meta Knight froze. "Others? What others?"
"You didn't see them? Look up, silly!"
His gaze swung over to the ceiling and he gasped. Golden-colored racks spiraled high up on the walls, and hanging upon them were the hollowed corpses of many individuals. They were hand-stitched and tailored together to fit nothing else but the small, round body of an innocent Kirby. The way they hung still on their hooks made them look like they were mere coats.
It was a horrifying sight, but the knight could not look away. He knew many of these bodies. One was of Kawasaki, a Cappy chef who couldn't make a decent dish if it was to save his life. Suspended next to eachother were Marx and Galacta Knight, two former warriors from space who had been defeated years ago. A corpse that hung near the peak of the distant ceiling, distinctive by her long, snow-white hair, made the knight almost choke up in tears. Some of these people, he had known for years and had rarely been able to see them. This is where they had been all this time: dead, their insides baked into cakes and their skins recycled into costumes.
Meta Knight's sobs went unnoticed as Kirby proudly observed the macabre gallery himself. "It's not often I get to have a friend hang out with me here. Most of the time, I snatch Waddle Dees from King Dedede's cavalry. They're no fun to play with; they barely make any noise and they always go out on me in the first 20 minutes." He pointed to a scarlet-colored body with a large hole on the front of it. "That one was a Waddle Doo. I like them. They always scream when you poke their eyes. Afterwards, I take it out and eat it raw. They're real big and juicy."
These gruesome details, combined with the nightmarish picture of dead bodies and shortcakes, was too much for Meta Knight's stomach. He quickly grew severely nauseous, then vomited, staining himself and the sanguine-streaked floor.
Kirby finally turned around as he heard it spill near him. "Gross! Don't make the floor dirtier than it needs to be - I'll have to clean it up afterwards."
The knight coughed up the last bits of chyme caught in his throat. "Why are you doing this?" he cried in despair. "What's wrong with you? You've turned into a monster!"
Kirby was about to quickly respond, but then paused, briefly made a humorous pose as if he were in deep thought about this statement, then broke into hysterical laughter...again.
"You know, Mety?" he responded after calming down. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I've lost my mind and become a...deranged, merciless, cannibalistic puffball. At least, more cannibalistic than I should be." He paced around the restrained knight, almost mimicking his way of walking. "Then again, you might be wrong. Maybe it's not just me who's doing this. No, maybe...it's just a strong, inevitable force that's pushing me to do it, maybe...fate."
Meta Knight stared angrily at him, tears welling up in his eyes. "It's like I don't even know you anymore."
His glare switched from anger to fear again as Kirby approached him very closely, their faces just centimeters from each other.
"...I know," the puffball eventually spoke. "That's what they all said."
He pulled away from Meta Knight and walked away to a corner in the room. His tone suddenly returned back to its usual gleeful pitch. "Enough chit-chat! It's about time we get to work!"
In the corner Kirby was heading towards was a large metal cart. It had many unique hats on it - Copy Abilities. He pushed the cart in front of the wooden bed and looked over the different hats, thinking of which one to use first.
Meta Knight spoke up again as the puffball was browsing. "You can't do this to me, Kirby! I'm your friend! I've trained you in combat and helped you protect Dreamland! Plus, everyone will get suspicious once they've find out I've gone missing, and when they see this gore fest, there will be no mercy left for you!"
Another giggle. "Aw, Mety, you're so silly! I'm sure everyone won't get too worried over a dark and mysterious person like you disappearing for a while. And even if they do..."
Kirby made his selection - a striped headband - and turned around to face the knight, showing him his oversized mallet. "They won't suspect a little guy like me."
Meta Knight stopped struggling in his bonds. His wrists were too sore for him to continue. "What are you going to do to me?"
Kirby shrugged. "Nothing big yet. I'm just going to make you a little softer."
And with that, the puffball swung his hammer and made a heavy, direct hit on the left side of his target's body. The attack caught Meta Knight by surprise and he cried out in pain. Several of his bones shattered under the weight of that first swing, but Kirby kept at it, laughing maniacally and smashing the knight another six or seven times until he finally tossed away the hammer, satisfied. It made a loud crash as it collided into a table of Grizzo cakes.
The puffball surveyed the damage he had done. Meta Knight's body was completely swollen and purple with bruises, throbbing with a wickedly painful rhythm. Even attempting to speak caused the knight agony.
Kirby unwrapped the headband and smiled. "There, I think you're tenderized enough." He returned back to the cart and picked out the Fire ability. The hat's flames grew more intense and Kirby turned a few shades more red as he put it on. Then, he opened up a door on the side of the cart and pulled out a black-and-white, cylindrical container.
Meta Knight managed to make a questioning mumble as Kirby sprinkled the contents of the container over him. "Oh, this?" the puffball answered. "It's only something to make the fire burn better. Smells nice, doesn't it?"
The knight's eyes widened as he realized what was going to happen next. "Oh, no. No, please, Kirby, don't!" His wings flapped frantically and he tried to turn away, but it would do no good. Kirby inhaled deeply, held his breath for a few seconds, then let it out in an inferno of bright red flames at Meta Knight.
His swollen flesh was ignited and Kirby watched as he squirmed about screaming, smoke billowing from his burning body. "No! Stop, please! It burns!" Even the knight's wings, which continued to flap about, caught fire and turned a charcoal-black as they they began to dissolve in the flames. Meta Knight couldn't do anything but endure the inferno, all the while begging for the hell to cease.
After about a minute, the puffball got bored, picked up a nearby bucket of water, and used it to extinguish the fire. Dark gray, ashy, and wrinkled was the scorched skin of the victim, who began to relax despite the lasting stings of his torture. His wings, or at least what remained of them, stood flared, tiny black chips peeling off with each slight movement.
Kirby looked at the charred wings. The hot scent that radiated from them made his mouth water. He's tried of wings of many Birdons before, but never wings such as these! He got an idea and took off the Fire hat, placing it back on the cart and trading it for a Ninja hat.
A long kunai appeared in his hand. "Hey, Mety! Which do you think will taste better: chicken wings or knight wings?" The puffball walked up to Meta Knight's right wing, and using his sharp weapon, dug into the base of it and carefully began carving it out. The sudden sharp pain made the knight's wings jolt, and the kunai slipped out of it's wielder's palm.
Kirby's hand was cut as it met the razor-sharp blade. "Owch! Dammit, quit moving around!" He put his bleeding hand his mouth and sucked on it, then reached inside the cart again, finding a few rusty nails. He skipped over to the table which had been knocked down earlier and retrieved the hammer. If this knight's wings didn't have restraints, he'd quickly make some.
With one hand, Kirby held down the wing he was working on, positioning the nail so that he wouldn't injure himself again. Then, with the other hand, he brought the hammer down hard onto the nail head. It embedded itself through the ashy skin of the wing and into the wood. Meta Knight winced as the puffball did this twice for each of his wings.
Now Kirby was ready to work. He picked up the kunai again and, with much hacking and sawing, detached the right wing from the knight's back. He moved on the left wing, but was a little less patient this time. The puffball made a heavy slash at the wing's base, slicing it off effortlessly, along with a small chunk of his victim's back. Streams of blood ran across the wooden bed.
Kirby ripped out the nails he placed and held the bloody wings up. "That wasn't so bad, was it? Look at these! I think the scorches give them a nice look."
Meta Knight didn't hear him. He had passed out again, most likely from the pain of being beaten, burned, and disassembled. The puffball frowned. He had hoped that a strong guy like Meta Knight would have at least lasted longer before losing energy. He looked down at the charred wings in his hands, a voracious sparkle in his eyes.
Kirby tore off a fragile peace with his teeth and gulped it down. "Ugh, probably overcooked them. Oh well, I'll just save them for decoration." He set the wings aside on top of the crate. That's when he spotted the leftover nails and got another idea. He brought out a syringe of some mysterious drug and shoved the needle in his victim's chest. Meta Knight soon jolted awake.
"Thought you should be up to see this next surprise," the puffball giggled. He took another nail, held it over Meta Knight's hand, and hammered it in. The knight's gloves were soaked red. After each hand had a nail in it, copper wires that connected to a large metal ring were tied onto them.
Kirby donned his Spark hat, rubbing his hands together menacingly. "I'm a big fan of shockers. They're always the best surprises!" He then began to happily dash in circles around the knight, slowly at first, but gradually faster as the puffball began to pick up electric charge. Seeing him zoom around in blurs made Meta Knight's head spin. He abruptly snapped out of his dizziness when he noticed Kirby stopped before the metal ring.
Giggle. "Guess what happens next, Mety? C'mon, guess! I won't give it away until you gueeeesssss."
Another one of the puffball's sick games. He considered keeping silent, but he knew whether he spoke or not, he would still be electrocuted. His whole body still felt like it was on fire, and unless some miraculous event of luck allowed him to escape this death trap alive, he longed for the hour of death.
Meta Knight sighed. "You're going to kill me?"
Kirby went into hysterics yet again. The hyena-like laughs bounced across the large room. It was getting on the knight's nerves. Was he growing insane, too? Not like it mattered, anyway.
"Close. You were so close."
Supercharged paws slammed themselves onto the ring, and a thunderbolt of electricity rushed through the copper wire, striking Meta Knight. He became a lightbulb, glowing a florescent blue-green while his muscles tensed and terrible, bloodcurdling screams rang out from his throat and left behind eerie echoes, so loud, one could've sworn it made the hanging costumes sway.
It wasn't long before all of the charge in his tormentor's body drained away. When the smoke cleared and the light dimmed out, Kirby himself felt tired of these cruel experiments. He let his flickering cap simply slide off of his head and drop to the floor, where it soon faded away into thin air. The knight's body twitched twice or thrice before he blacked out again.
This game was starting to lose its fun. The puffball found another adrenaline syringe and injected another dose into his friend. As Meta Knight slowly woke up for the last time, Kirby whispered, "It's almost over. Just stay with me for this last one - I'll try to go easy on you, I promise."
The knight didn't even dare to open his eyes. "What have I done to deserve so much suffering?" The tiny, dark-red stub of his right wing wiggled slightly. It was hard to tell if a wing had even been there in the place of the wound.
Kirby petted his head as if he were a wounded puppy. "You didn't do anything. It was...the force. The fate..."
"Stop this madness and let me go, please."
"As much as I'd like to, I'm afraid I can't grant you that wish."
"Then KILL ME!"
The puffball jumped back at his sudden command. It had finally happened - his friend had snapped. It wasn't worth playing around with him anymore. Why cause him pain when he was begging for it? The job would have to be finished soon.
Kirby nodded. "Soon."
Reaching behind the bed, he adjusted the axis so that the knight was laying horizontally on it. The puffball looked down on him. He was sad their time together would be coming to an end. He tried to keep things interesting, though.
"Did you know this bed also spins sideways?"
Kirby roughly pushed the edge of the thick wooden planks and sent Meta Knight spinning very fast on the axis. The sudden motion of the bed upset his stomach again. By the time it stopped, he felt the urge to vomit again, but Kirby had stuffed a piece of shortcake in his mouth. He hoped it wasn't any of the corpse pastries.
"Eat it," the puffball told him. "You won't feel a thing afterwards."
The knight obliged and snarfed the cake down in one swallow. It didn't have any flavor to it - just bland. How long would it be until his last breath? Would anyone outside remember him? He hoped not. He fought courageously, but had chosen to die a coward. He should have kept trying to break free, even though he knew well there was no chance of that happening. He felt ashamed of himself. Let the pink psycho do his worst.
His body grew totally numb, no feeling from his cracked skull to his blackened boots. From the cart, Kirby put on one more hat, an ability that included large, furry mittens bearing long, unsheathed claws. Animal.
He brought the empty bucket used to put out the fire with him to the bed. With no hesitation, the puffball made a few swipes at the skin of his victim's belly, tearing it open like a present. He then peeled away the skin and muscle to reveal all of the moist, fresh organs inside. Blue and red chunks were caught in between the knife-like claws. Kirby paused to lick at them, savoring every minute of this last ritual.
It made Meta Knight nervous to see himself being violently gutted and torn apart. He tried blocking out the puffball's comments as he explored his innards like a savage lion.
"You've sure got a lot going on in here!" Giggle. The intestines were ripped out and Kirby playfully pawed at them. "Check it! I'm a little kitty!" He smothered himself with the organs, painting his brown fur with blood, then rolled them up into a ball and tossed them into the empty bucket. He dug back inside the body, looking for more parts to entertain himself with. The knight was becoming woozy from all of the blood he was losing.
The puffball went on, juggling his kidneys and bladder in the air. "Bet you can't do this! It's really easy as cake, which is kinda funny, since that's where these are going." Into the bucket, plop plop plop. Next was the stomach. He cuddled it like a pillow, but it eventually burst from him squeezing it too tight. More acids and blood coated him. Eh. To the bucket it went, splat.
Kirby checked on his friend, who was on the border of going out cold again. He gently shook him out of subconsciousness. "Aw, c'mon, Mety, don't go yet. We were having a fun time, weren't we? If only the surprise could last forever, then we'd never have to part! I guess surprises are the way they are for a reason, nice and short."
Meta Knight tried to respond, but blood rose up in his throat and he choked on it, sputtering showers of sanguine liquids instead of words.
The puffball extended his cut to the chest and found the knight's heart, beating steadily with a soothing th-thump. He hesitated. Now was the time, the last goodbye. His claws hovered over the pulsating organ, waiting to strike and finish off its victim for good. A salty, tinted teardrop ran down Kirby's cheek. He found it hard to fake a laugh. "I'm sorry," he said solemnly.
A voice finally made it's way through the river of blood in Meta Knight's throat.
It squeaked, "Don't apologize. I am."
The claws pierced through his heart, and like that, he was no more.
Ding! The oven timer chirped. Minutes passed before a figure with charred wings and ashy, dark blue skin attended to it. It opened the oven, and a sweet and indulgent scent, mixed with guilt and regret, bust from the racks and filled the room. It couldn't find it's oven mittens anywhere, so it took the tray with it's thin, red-and-white gloves instead, quietly cursing as it carried it to the countertop and dropped the hot shortcake onto it. After it cooled off, the figure gathered some icings and began decorating the treat. It didn't seem to care whether or not it made any mistakes with the design. Soon, the figure stored away all of the materials it was using and viewed the completed artwork.
The mask of Meta Knight was painted on the cake.
Kirby sighed, looking down at his latest baked good, unsatisfied. He had wanted to save his masked accomplice for a later occasion, but the puffball's appetite had gotten the better of him. There was no going back; the knight was gone, and this was all he had left of him, a costume of his flesh and a cake of his insides. Their playtime together was fun, but it was all over now, nothing but a memory.
So, what now?
Kirby cut himself a slice of the shortcake and ate.