Gilbert didn't understand.
He couldn't, even if he tried.
One moment he was enjoying a beer on his couch, scrolling through the channels on his television.
The next, he was in the hospital, waiting outside one of the wards, praying to every god he could think of, hoping for a miracle.
Forgetting Ludwig's presence, he pulled at his own hair and buried his head in his hands.
Why didn't I see it coming? I should've paid more fucking attention!
Upon sensing his brother's internal distress, Ludwig spoke up.
"Bruder, calm down. Your head looks like it's going to explode."
"How can I calm down?! I could've stopped this, I SHOULD'VE STOPPED THIS!"
Gilbert was yelling so hard that his voice broke, his eyes teared up and his throat had started to feel sore.
When Gilbert left his shared apartment, it was 10 in the morning. His mood mirrored the bright, sunny weather, he cheerily noted. He was going to meet Arthur Kirkland, a friend he had known since he moved into town 8 years ago.
Gilbert was excited to find out how and what Arthur was doing these days, considering the last time they met, it had been a year. Gilbert popped a piece of nicotine gum into his mouth as he turned the corner and walked into the café he would be meeting his dear friend in.
Choosing a seat by a window, his red eyes gleamed in the sunlight as he fantasised about his meeting with Arthur. He was sure that Arthur would be proud of him for kicking his smoking habit, and he was sure that this time, he'd get his feelings across to him as well.
Yep. Today's the day I tell him I love him.
Before he could even begin to imagine Arthur's response, he was interrupted by a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Hello Gilbert, you look well."
"Caterpillars! I haven't seen you in forever!"
With that comment, the albino earned a kick to the shin and a scowl.
Which of course, put a giant, goofy smile on Gilbert's face.
"Ah, how I've missed your girlish kicks and cranky expressions."
"I do wish you'd stop reminding me of my thick brows Gil, I bloody know they exist."
Their conversation was engaging. It was witty, peppered with flirtation and reminiscence. Gilbert would never have been able to predict that only 6 hours later, Arthur would be sitting in his own bedroom, with a bottle of sleeping pills in one hand and a bottle of rum in the other.
He wondered if it was his own fault. If he was to blame for his best friend attempting suicide.
Gilbert started sobbing. It had been 2 hours since he stepped into the hospital. Ludwig held his brother, offering nothing but the comfort of his shoulder and silence.
Ludwig knew how much his brother loved Arthur, even though he had never told him. Squeezing his eyes shut, Ludwig replayed memories of his brother constantly speaking about the British man, once or twice mentioning how absolutely terrifying it was looking into his eyes, because they were such a beautiful, rare colour, and it felt like they could see straight into your soul.
Ludwig remembered hearing that, and disagreeing mentally. They were terrifying alright, but they didn't just see into souls. They captured them, too.