Title: 12:01
Author: Shawn's Pineapple
Rating: T, for some language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Dean Winchester. All rights belong to the CW and Eric Kripke.
Summary: In the aftermath of "Swan Song", Dean tries to put back the jigsaw puzzle that is his life.
I've been a lot of things in my life. I've been a hunter, a hero, a sinner, a gambler, a fraud, reckless, smart, needed, scared, scarred. I've been dead, brought back, angry at the world, betrayed, bitter, worried, pissed off, empty. Then I've been a part of a family, a son, a brother...I've been so much and yet, there's one thing I've never been, one thing I've never wanted to be, one thing I wish I wasn't right now: Alone.
I'm not with Lisa anymore. I couldn't just sit around watching the news and knowing that people were out there dying from what was being called a "mystery". She understood and told me that I was always welcome there in her home. And it was "her" home, it was never mine. Even in the four months I was there, I never felt at home; that life wasn't mine. And probably never will be. I'm okay with that. I've learned to accept that, whether I wanted to or not. And I'm okay with it now.
I haven't heard from Bobby in a long time. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one who lost Sam. I've heard things are fine, though, in the strange, lush coastal rainforest of central South Dakota, so Bobby's still hunting. I want to talk to him but I know when he's ready, he'll call me. Or at least I hope so.
Cas hasn't been around since he's gone back to heaven to deal with all the chaos losing Michael's caused. I kinda miss him, believe it or not.
So, in the first time since I lost mom, since I lost dad, since everything...I'm completely alone. All I have are my thoughts and my cassette tapes. Neither make me feel any less like an outsider; if anything, they make that so much more obvious.
Sometimes, though, I feel like Sam's watching me. And not in that douchey-angel, metaphorical way. He's really there. And I wish I could say that's impossible, that Sam's long gone in the...well, Sam's gone but I know better. When life wasn't being a bitch, or more-so when she actually was taking everything from me, I learned just how possible certain things are. And I learned that sometimes, no matter how much you want something to come back, it just can't.
That's why this makes no sense.
I wish I could just say he's a figment of my imagination, that I want him back so badly my mind is making me believe things that aren't there. Anything but the truth.
Something's going on and I don't like it.
A/N: So, I'm not sure if I should continue with this or not. There are so many possibilities open considering season six doesn't begin for another few weeks. Any thoughts? :D