Disclaimer: Clearly, this has stuff from 'Whose Line is it Anyway?'. Who would have guessed from the oh-so snazzy title of this story though?
Author's Note: My muse is kicked in by the strangest things.. so I was watching some Whose Line reruns at midnight and this is what happened. And of course, this is the Dharma times version! Starring, James, Juliet, Jin, Miles and Daniel! (also.. some games are US only.. UK only.. or are used on both!)
Whose Line Is It Dharmaway?
After a year, rainy days in Dharma were persistently boring. They tended to flood a lot if the rain went on too long and everyone would stay indoors. Currently, the five of them were sitting in the living room of Sawyer and Juliet's two bedroom house. The silence was getting pretty uncomfortable, after all, you could only play poker so many times a week for a year before it got boring.
"We could.. play game?" Jin suggested, breaking the silence.
Juliet arched an eyebrow. "Like what?" she dared to ask.
Jin could only shrug though. He hadn't thought that far ahead.
"Charades?" Miles dared to suggest. From their faces, he knew right away they had already worn that game out as well. "Scratch that," he stated with a sigh.
There was more silence as they tried to figure something out.
Daniel glanced around at the other four in the room. He didn't normally suggest anything, but he was fairly certain he had an idea all of them would get a good laugh out of. "Did.. you guys ever see that show, Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
The four glanced around at each other trying to remember.
"You mean that improv show?" Juliet questioned with uncertainty. "They do all kinds of hilarious scenes and they have to make it up as they go along?"
Sawyer grinned. "I used to laugh my ass off with that crap."
"I seriously doubt you could act if your life depended on it," Miles stated with a grin. "But I gotta say, I always got my kicks watching that show."
Jin blinked. "Who play Drew Carey?"
Miles snorted out a laugh. "We're not really gonna improv are we?"
"Why the hell not?" Sawyer answered with a shrug. "Ain't like we got nothin' better to do. Nice thinkin' Einstein, this oughta' be interesting."
Juliet chuckled.
Daniel gave a sheepish smile. "I'll play host. We can all write down little things like on the show and throw them in pots."
And write they did. They were all writing down little ideas. Miles had a twisted smile on his face while Sawyer looked vaguely amused at his ideas. Juliet looked deep in thought and Jin was just trying to spell his right. Daniel was fairly certain this was going to be one sick game as he threw in his ideas.
Daniel got to work taking four chairs from the kitchen and setting them up. Sawyer and Miles pushed the coffee table into the hallway while Juliet and Jin kept busy getting random items should they need any 'props' of any sort for the games Daniel chose. After a few moments of set-up, Daniel sat with two pots filled with little written ideas while others took seats on the kitchen chairs. Miles sat in the first chair, Juliet in the second, Sawyer in the third and Jin in the last.
Juliet couldn't help it. She was already starting to fidget in her seat. She was more than slightly uncomfortable with the idea of playing this game. But the guys all seemed pretty excited to give it a try and she didn't want to be the one to ruin their fun. She was stunned into silence when Daniel shot himself into character, as though he were actually being filmed.
"Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyways! I'm your host, Daniel Faraday and the contestants today are.." he pulled out a note that said 'Miles'. "Ghost whisperer, Miles Straum!" he shouted, and tried to ignore the pointed look. "And.." he picked up the one that said Juliet, and turned beet red. "Uh.. the Full-Chested Wonder, Juliet Burke!"
Juliet stared in shock while the three other men around her burst out in laughter. "No doubt who wrote that," and she shot the 'I'll kill you later' look to Miles.
"The.." and Daniel wasn't sure he should say it.. but he did so anyways. "The hair-brained monkey, James LaFleur!" and he almost shrunk down in his chair as he called it out.
Sawyer blinked. But that was the only reaction as he chugged some of his beer. He shrugged, "That coulda' been worse." Which of course, made Juliet chuckle.
Daniel arched both eyebrows up staring at the next introduction. "And the linguistically challenged.. Jin Kwon!"
All eyes again went to Miles.
"We're going to start this off with the game Change Letter," Daniel decided. "The rules will be a little different. We'll switch uh... two letters around, rather than one."
The four glanced around, shrugged and nodded in agreement.
"The letters changed are as follows. F is now B and S is now K. All of you will participate." and he pulls out a piece of paper. He hands each of them a few pieces of paper with some lines. "We'll start with Miles."
Miles was staring it it. "By George, we've dikcovered the kecret plan to take over the univerke."
Juliet was snuffing a fit of giggles after he said 'dikcovered'.
Sawyer smirked at his own. "Bor kalvation, we mukt rule the ikland! Why the heck did I get a million letters to change?"
Jin shushed Sawyer and looked at his own with confusion. But he said it anyways. "I'm Kinbad the Kailor?"
Juliet rolled her eyes at the one she pulled. "Buck you."
Sawyer burst out laughing.
Daniel smiled at that one. There was no helping it. "Maybe we should switch this game.." he suggested and watched them all sit down. "We're going to do, two-line vocabulary now!" He was the only one who noticed Amy had let herself in during the previous game and was watching from the kitchen. "Three person game, the players are.." he pulled three from the pot. "James, Juliet.. and Miles."
Juliet sighed but stood with the other two men. "Miles, you'll have free statements," he informed him. "Jim, Juliet, you each have two lines and that's all that you can say."
Juliet looked at hers and turned a little red while Sawyer was scratching his head looking down at his own.
Daniel watched as Horace entered through the open door and joined Amy at the kitchen table. He pulled another paper out of the opposite pot. "The scene is.. Miles, you're an explorer, taking a newly-wed couple out on a hiking trip through the dangerous jungle."
Amy and Horace were grinning.
Sawyer and Juliet looked at each other and immediately looked away.
Miles grinned. "Alright you two love-birds, I'm about to take you on the adventure of a lifetime, are you ready to go Jim?"
"Should I use my gun?" Sawyer questioned, aiming an imaginary rifle.
Juliet let out a laugh.
"What? No!" Miles stated, implementing a dramatic eyeroll. "Juliet, all set?"
Juliet bit down on her lip. Her options to answer were slim. "Can I touch that?" she questioned, reaching for Miles' beer.
"Hands off!" he growled, pulling it away from her. "Let's just get this started."
"He's got something in his pants.." he whispered to Juliet.
Juliet grinned almost immediately and looked down at his paper. It did indeed say that.
"Hey! I heard that.." Miles groaned with annoyance.
"Can I touch that?" she questioned, putting her hands on Sawyer's bicep.
Sawyer pointed his imaginary gun at Juliet and looked at Miles. "Should I use my gun?"
"No! Don't use your gun!" Miles stated dramatically.
Jin was fighting back a laugh.
"For the love of all that's holy.. let's just start this trip.."
"He's got something in his pants!" he shouted, pointing at Daniel. "Should I use my gun?"
Juliet was laughing almost immediately and so was Daniel.
"Keep your gun where I can see it, stop trying to use it!"
"That's what she said."
Everyone stared at Juliet.
"Can I touch that?" she questioned, pointing down low on Sawyer.
"He's got something in his pants!" he shouted, pointing down at himself.
"That's what she said." Juliet replied curtly with a nod.
"Should I use my gun?" he asked her, pointing it at Miles.
"Can I touch that?" she retorted, reaching out for the invisible gun.
Miles couldn't handle it anymore. He was on the floor holding his sides from laughing so hard at Juliet's lines and how she used them. The laughter in the back of the room made them realize that they had an audience and they turned to see Amy, Horace and Jerry.
"This is fantastic, please, keep going," Horace told them with amusement in his voice.
Amy smiled. "We heard all the laughter and wanted to see what was going on.." she admitted.
Juliet shrugged. "That's what she said."
Daniel laughed and hit the pot. "Alright alright, that's enough for that one.." he stated. He was surprised Juliet stayed in character to reply to that.
"You're already here, might as well stay," Juliet told them with a smile.
Amy was giggling and thanked her.
"Okay! Our next game is Superheroes and you all play!" Daniel called out. "Actually.. since we have an audience, why don't I explain to them how this works?"
The others nodded.
"Alright.. I need a suggestion for a weird superhero name!" he told the three.
Amy smiled. "Shortshorts-man!"
Daniel grinned. "Perfect!" he told her. He pulled a name out of the pot. "Miles.. you're Shortshorts-man." he informed him.
Miles rolled his eyes and stood up.
"Okay.. now we need a crisis that Shortshorts-man needs to solve," he informed them. Meanwhile, Rosie had entered and joined them.
"How about.. everyone is wearing pants?" she suggested out of the blue.
Juliet laughed, she couldn't help it.
"Okay!" Daniel agreed. "As you try to solve your crisis, you'll have to call in your other superhero friends. You'll name the first person who comes to the scene.. they'll name the next.. etc.."
Miles nodded. "Yeah yeah.. okay.. I got it," he groaned in annoyance.
"Go!" Daniel called out.
Briiiing. Briiiing. Miles acted out the sound of a phone. "Oh how I love my shortshorts.. oh they're oh-so-short and oh-so-" Briiiiing. "Yes, hello? Say what? Everyone is wearing pants and there's a sunstorm coming! By the shortshorts gods!"
Juliet was biting her lip to stop her laughter.
"I must solve this crisis! But how can I do that alone?" Miles pondered.
Jin quickly jumped on scene.
"Oh well if it isn't.. uh.. Squatting-man!"
Jin rolled his eyes. "Do not fear, ShortShorts-man!" he stated, doing a quick squat. "I am here! I am to help rid people of pants they wear!" he tried to keep his English up as well as he could.
Amy and Rosie were both giggling in the kitchen as Jin did his squats.
"Yes well. I'm glad you're helping, I bet you don't have shorts that are short like mine!"
Jin shook his head. "They are harder to squat in," he informed him as Sawyer walked on the scene. "Look! It is PornMan!"
Sawyer's jaw dropped and he heard Juliet laughing like a hyena. "We must get ridda' the pants!" he informed them. "It don't bode well to have pants on in porn!" he told them. "But Shortshortsman! Your shorts would be just perfect!"
"Would be better if he squat in them!" Jin added.
Horace snorted out a laugh along with Jerry as a few other members of the initiative entered to watch the show.
Juliet was almost afraid as she entered the 'scenario'.
Sawyer had an imaginary camera as Juliet came onto the scene. "Perfect! It's fan-freakin'-tastic! My sidekick, Dominatrixgirl, has arrived! This porn'll be perfect!"
Juliet's mouth opened slightly. He would do that to her. "Alright boys," she stated. "Shorten those shorts," she told Miles, immitating a whip in his direction. "Squat faster!" she ordered Jin, doing the same whip motion to him. "PornMan! Stop standing around! Get out of those pants and start squatting!" she stated, tapping him lightly on the ass. "We'll whip these people out of their pants in no time!" and her statements had everyone in the back of the room in hysterics.
"Thanks to dominatrix girl, the pants have been removed from the world and shortshorts will forever be in style!" Miles stated, saluting the others and jumping back to his chair.
"My squats are better than before!" Jin called out, getting back to his chair as well.
"The pants are gone, the squats are more intense! My job is done, my porn is perfect!" He assured them and took his seat.
"Oh they're whipped alright," Juliet acknowledged before taking her own seat.
Their kitchen audience had grown to about ten people who were clapping and laughing at their performance.
They all stood up and bowed. "Thank you! Thank you!" Miles said with a grin.
Juliet rolled her eyes and smacked him upside the head.
"Hey! You're not dominatrix girl anymore!" he told her with a pout.
That caused everyone in the small house to laugh and Juliet to smile innocently. "That's what she said.."
Well that's it for this. If you guys really like it.. maybe I'll do a second half with some more games. I really miss you all :) so sorry that I haven't been around.