Author's notes: I'm trying a new format this time round, where the title has no capital letters (is that classified as a format?) and mostly present tense is used throughout the story, which visits five moments in GoGo Tomago's life. I've recently watched Big Hero 6 last Friday, and it's really amazing and intriguing. I know GoGo and Tadashi aren't a couple, but I like how they are implied to have the closest relationship among Honey Lemon, Fred and Wasabi. Contains mild spoilers. Hope readers enjoy, and please read and review!
1.
The first time she falls, GoGo Tomago - or rather, Ethel, at that time, is six years old, and she's attempting to ride a tricycle. She doesn't really know the source of the fall (when she grows up, GoGo decides she wasn't even aware that one could fall while riding a tricycle - it had three wheels, for God's sake). All she knows is one moment, she's flying down the road, and the next, the world does a 180 degree flip and she's on the ground, the purple tricycle lying next to her with its three wheels still spinning in the air.
GoGo's eyes are wide with shock and she lies on the ground, staring at the bright blue sky. Puffy white clouds drift by peacefully, and no one seems to have noticed the very loud crash.
Her face breaks into a wide grin - one her stepmother would probably chide as being "extremely un-ladylike". But GoGo couldn't care less, she's still reliving the breathtaking feeling of tearing through the air, delving into the way her feet almost lifted off the ground just before she fell.
GoGo's six years old when she had her first fall. She's six years old when she discovers her need for speed.
She doesn't cry because she's too focused on the adrenaline rush in her body.
2.
GoGo's second fall is ages later, because, well, she's a careful person. She simply doesn't fall often, which is strange to others, considering the speed of which she drove. But GoGo has long more or less mastered the maneuvering of vehicles at their fastest speeds - why else was she so devoted to creating a motorbike that went beyond those limits?
It's her first attempt in creating a specialised bike running on electronically-magnetic suspended wheels, but GoGo's ready. She spits out her gum into the trash, and as she walks towards her creation, Tadashi, Honey Lemon, Fred and Wasabi are already waiting for her. She rolls her eyes, but still bumps fists with Tadashi, trying to hide her anxious grin when he pulls his fist back with a loud "Woosh". She nods absentmindedly towards Fred and Honey Lemon, shakes her head and tries not to groan at Wasabi's lecture on safety issues, and finally plunks the sleek black helmet onto her head.
She's ready.
GoGo revs up the engine, concentrating on the path in the lab she has created to test out her bike. She kicks off, her body instinctively leaning forward to gain more velocity. She needn't have to - well, almost. When GoGo's mind settles and she finally has the time to register the acceleration of the bike, she decides it's still not fast enough. But then, the bike takes flight, and for a while, GoGo recalls the blissful feeling where she's almost flying, tearing through the air...
Until she smashes down onto the concrete floor with an ungodly crash. GoGo's dizzy. The bike was fast (still not fast enough though, in her opinion.) But it's control, well, that needed a lot of work. GoGo hadn't fallen while biking for ages, so she just lies spread-eagled on the ground, vaguely tuning in to Wasabi's nervous babbling, Honey Lemon's demand for a first-aid kit, and Fred repeating the word "Cool" in the background.
GoGo's not aware of Tadashi's footsteps, until the latter is right by her side, peering down at her with a concerned "You okay?". GoGo flushes as she lays her callous hand on Tadashi's outstretched palm and struggles to get up.
"Fine. Control needs work, though..." GoGo's distracted even as she mumbles notes about the test drive, pulling off her helmet and fumbling to pop another bubblegum into her mouth. At least, she's trying to distract herself from how close Tadashi is to her currently. She can see the shades of chocolate brown in his eyes, which are tinged with concern, and GoGo doesn't like it. Not his eyes, she quickly amends, but the idea of how close he was standing next to her (Which is tantamount to invading her personal space). But for some reason, GoGo is also too tired to bring herself to push him away.
"Dud number 1?" Tadashi offers helpfully.
GoGo blinks. "What?"
"I assume these set of wheels are your first failures. A dud. I mean, you can't be satisfied with that speed, can you?" A slight smirk plays on Tadashi's patrician features, and GoGo can catch the challenging tone in his voice.
She grits her teeth and bites down on her gum distinctly, instantaneously dismissing any traitorous thoughts about how warm his chocolate brown eyes were.
"Of course."
GoGo's fifteen years old when she had her second fall. She's fifteen when she creates her first failure.
She doesn't cry because her heart is still beating ridiculously fast, not from the fall, but from Tadashi Hamada.
3.
GoGo's third fall is her biggest one yet. Because she swears she's starting to have feelings for her best friend, otherwise known as nice-guy-on-campus-and-basically-almost-the-nicest-guy-in-the-whole-world - Tadashi Hamada.
GoGo doesn't know exactly when the questionable feeling had surfaced in her heart, but for some reason, seeing Tadashi smile starts to make her heart race, and being by his side makes her want to smile as well.
She tells Honey Lemon first - horrified at the troublesome symptoms she has recently contracted. She's not prepared for Honey's excited screams and high-pitched squealing, claiming that she's in love. GoGo promptly storms out and refuses to look back, moody from Honey's ridiculous conclusion. Before she leaves, though, GoGo stuffs a stick of gum into her (only) female companion's mouth to shut her up, threatening dire punishments should she spill any of her absurd prophecies to anyone in the lab - especially Fred. She isn't too assured by Honey Lemon's explicit nods and chirps of "Sure!" in between chews, but GoGo's too flustered to continue lingering in the girl's presence.
She stomps on Tadashi's foot when they cross paths.
GoGo devotes herself to creating even more electronically-magnetic suspended wheels at a tyrannical speed, trying to erase Honey's words from her thoughts. All of them are duds, because for one reason or another, she just can't concentrate. GoGo briefly considers the idea of participating in a car race to distract herself, but dismisses it quickly. In her current state, she's more likely get herself killed than divert the idea of being in love with Tadashi from her mind.
That night, Tadashi insists (or more accurately, forcefully persuaded by physically dragging her out of the lab) that GoGo take a break from work, after the latter behaves extra grouchy and nearly gives Wasabi and Fred a nervous break down with her jibes and snaps.
He has his fist tightened around the sleeve of her jacket this time round, and GoGo thinks he's being unusually firm in dragging her away from work. She doesn't particularly want to spend time alone with the person responsible for her washed-out state, but GoGo's just too tired to resist. She feels the last shred of energy abandon her body and lets herself be drafted away to whatever location Tadashi has in mind.
'Whatever location' soon turns out to be a park.
GoGo stares agog at the silent grounds beyond them. She has never seen anyplace so peaceful and... untouched by modernity in, well, a long time. GoGo has never taken to touring San Fransokyo much - her circle of life is small and revolves around her apartment, the lab, the cafe she got coffee at to pull all-nighters, and finally (most importantly), her companions (not that she'd ever tell them as much, though GoGo has the slightest inkling that Tadashi already knows.)
"Don't just stare, take a seat," Tadashi comments, breaking GoGo away from her thoughts and gesturing to the solitary bench in the middle of the park. GoGo sighs, spits out her gum into its wrapper, and dumps herself unceremoniously into the said bench, just to show Tadashi she has zero interest in whatever he is planning. Tadashi seats himself next to her silently, and GoGo exhales slowly, wondering if her companion can hear the loud thumping of her heart in her ribcage.
"So what's the big idea, Hamada?"
"Hamada? Unbelievable." Tadashi huffs. "Anyway, that's what I should be asking you. What happened at the lab? You were about to drive Fred to tears."
"Maybe he shouldn't have gotten in my way!" GoGo snarls harshly - a lot harsher than she originally intends. She can tell because Tadashi flinches at her words and she feels herself edging away, if only because the whole matter is giving her a headache and she wants nothing more than to curl up in bed, pretend all of this is a nightmare, then wake up and go back to being nothing-more-than-best-friends with Tadashi Hamada.
Too bad life doesn't go that way.
"Is something on your mind, Leiko?"
"It's Ethel, remember? Dad changed my name when he remarried and we moved away from Japan." GoGo mutters. She has to admit, though, hearing Tadashi use her real name, Leiko Tanaka or otherwise, calms her down a little.
"Fine. Something on your mind, Ethel?" Tadashi persists patiently.
"Honestly, I don't know. Everything's just giving me a headache," GoGo mumbles. The last thing she wants to do is reveal to Tadashi that he's the one on her mind and the one responsible for this mess. She'd never live it down if she did.
"You need a rest." Tadashi states firmly. "C'mon, I'll drive you home." And once more, GoGo finds herself on the receiving end of being dragged around by Tadashi. Only this time, her heart isn't beating as fast anymore, and she actually feels her headache ebbing away.
She's positioned behind Tadashi on the latter's moped, and just when she thinks it's going to be a boring and awkward ride, the moped suddenly lurches forward at a surprising speed and GoGo has to stifle a shriek as she hurriedly wraps her arms around Tadashi's torso. GoGo swears she can hear him laughing, but she's too occupied trying to hide the light blush on her cheeks to punch him.
"Y'know, Ethel-Leiko-GoGo Tomago, you can actually talk to me when something's bothering you." Tadashi calls back.
"I'll always be there for you."
GoGo stays silent for a while, until she hugs Tadashi's body a little tighter and whispers a quiet "Thank you" to him. She doesn't see it, but she swears Tadashi smiles at her words.
GoGo's seventeen years old when she had her third fall. She's seventeen when she falls for Tadashi Hamada.
She doesn't cry because this fall brightens her life and chases nearly all her sadness away. Suddenly, GoGo's world is much brighter, and she wouldn't have it any other way. She finds that when she's laughing with her friends with Tadashi by her side, she can't help but think that this, is perfect. That her life, was perfect. She feels loved and happy - despite her missing-in-action mother, despite her disapproving stepmother and despite her distant father.
(Too bad perfection never lasts.)
4.
GoGo's fourth fall is her shortest one by far. Her senses seem to fail her, because she can't recall everything that has happened and only flashes and wisps of vaguely separated events.
Her clearest memories are of the raging fire that slowly eradicated the university she attended, the nerd lab- her home, and of Tadashi, running into the blazing inferno.
She's too slow, even as she moves to go after him instinctively. She's too slow even as the explosion occurs moments later and knocks her off her feet, raining burning splinters and debris everywhere.
The last thing she sees is a fallen Hiro
The last thing she remembers is the broken memory of Tadashi disappearing into the sea of flames. (He never comes out).
GoGo's twenty years old when she had her fourth fall. She's twenty when she loses Tadashi Hamada forever.
She doesn't cry because she's too busy staring at the sea of flames that consumes Tadashi - just before the world fades into a cruel black.
5.
GoGo's fifth fall occurs swiftly afterwards. It's one week after Tadashi's death, and she can no longer bear the suffocating sadness that permeates her surroundings. Honey Lemon has been crying her days through, Fred just hangs his head and doodles the name 'Tadashi' on the piece of paper before him, and Wasabi goes to cleaning up obsessively, as if, done enough, it could bring Tadashi back.
But nothing could. Nothing would. Nothing will bring Tadashi Hamada back again, and when she thinks about it, GoGo wants to break down and just cry too.
She refuses to.
GoGo tells herself she has to remain strong. Her friends were all crumbling, breaking, and she has to remain strong for all of them. So she berates them sharply and states that Tadashi would have wanted them to be happy. Her words sound confident and full of conviction, but when all she gets is sad eyes in response, GoGo realises she doesn't know who she's trying to convince. Her friends, or herself.
She goes out for a ride instead. It's reckless, but GoGo hopes the speed can clear her mind. Can lighten the smothering depression hanging over her head, as well as the throbbing pain in her heart. But when no sense of peace arrives, GoGo urges her bike to go faster, faster and faster...
Until she hits a crack in the road and she's sent tumbling onto the hard ground.
That's when she breaks. Not from the physical pain of the dark bruises on her arms and legs, but from the emotional one, manifesting in the form of her broken heart. Because no matter what, no matter how many times she falls from now, Tadashi's not going to be there to help her up anymore, to tease her, to urge her to get up, to push her forward.
Because he's gone.
He's not going to be there in their new makeshift lab, GoGo tells herself, the cold hard truth tumbling out without stopping. He's not going to greet her good morning with a peck to her cheek, not going to be tinkering with Baymax's parts in his free time, not going to be by her side, not going to give her rides on his moped or rant about his little brother, not going to -
He's not going to be there for her anymore.
"I'll always be there for you."
And god, every time she realises she's never going to hear those words again - never going to hear that voice again, it hurts and it feels like her heart is breaking, over and over.
GoGo's twenty years old when she had her fifth fall. She's twenty when her life feels like its falling apart, and she's starting to lose everything she's ever held dear to herself.
She cries for the first time, because Tadashi Hamada is gone from her life, and she's never ever going to see him again.