Rising Emotions

Inuzuka Nin

I don't know why I said those things. I don't know where they came from. People say I had my reasons, like the situation between the branch and main families of my clan. But for me, there is no excuse.

I remember when I first met her at the age of four. I wanted to get to know her; to be her friend. I wanted to protect her like a good cousin should. But my fate prevented that. I was given that seal. The one true burden in my life, the one I cannot lift.

The death of my father… I was so young; it was so hard to take. It still is now. The pain of having no family, no one to be close to, to show your inner most feelings to, was always present in my soul. Perhaps I convinced myself it was her fault. The whole God damn clan's fault.

The way I hurt her; mentally and physically. I nearly killed her. I nearly killed her inside. Perhaps I would have, if it wasn't for him, the 'drop-out' as I called him.

I couldn't have been more wrong. The truth is, he is the strongest of us all. Maybe not physically, though he has that potential. I mean in spirit. Spirit is something I lack.

People say I lack emotion. This is not true. No-one is free of emotion. Just like me, they keep it locked securely under the surface. I'm afraid if I let my feelings out, I will fall to pieces.

It's true I've had a hard life, but I look around me and see others in the same pain as I, sometimes more .People such as the Uchiha, Naruto, Ten ten…

When it comes to my team mate; people think I don't care. Of course I do. Her determination and seemingly happy attitude intrigue me. I know the pain she goes through, day in day out. I know she experiences it, no matter how hard she tries to cover it up. She is by far the most determined young woman I have come across. She truly is one of a kind.

Perhaps this is another reason for my abominable outburst. Perhaps it hurt me to see her hurt. I swear, if Lee hadn't have gone down to her, I would have.

I have no doubt I have feelings for Ten ten, that of more than just a friend. But I will not make excuses for my actions toward my cousin. My analysis of her actions, extracting her inner most feelings for everyone to see. Perhaps I did it because I wanted someone else to feel pain that I was feeling.

I know one thing for sure; I was wrong. There is no doubt about it. I was vile to her. I have nothing more to say.

His promise to her... I know he will keep his word. That's why she admires him, I suppose. No matter what, the boy will come through.

I am interested to see what the outcome of our match will be. I am confident in myself, but perhaps, in the darkest corner of my soul, I am hoping he beats me. To show me what a genius really is.

You see, I act like I know anything and everything. Of course I don't. I can try to convince others, and myself, but I will always know that. I talk big and act like the 'genius' I supposedly am; but what exactly is a genius?

Perhaps he will show me…