REFLECTIONS

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. They're not mine. I'm just playing with them.

Chapter One

Lately, Colonel Samantha Carter had been thinking about Doctor Janet Frasier, dead now for six years. All it had taken was one staff blast from the weapon of an enemy Jaffa, and down she had went It had all seemed so meaningless at the time, after all Janet had been out there saving the life of a young airman, one Simon Welles. He'd been an expectant father at the time, expecting a son as far as he knew. When his daughter had emerged mere weeks later, he'd been surprised, but delighted. It had been his idea to name the baby Janet. It seemed a fitting memorial to Doctor Frasier.

Carter hadn't thought of Janet in a long time, but, with the stress of the last few years, no relief apparent; she found her thoughts drifting back to the past, where Janet waited, no longer able to move ahead. There was also Cassandra or Cassie as she preferred to be called. She was a young woman now, working in a tiny antique bookshop in some tiny little town whose name Carter couldn't recall. That was Cassie, though. Ever since her mother had died Cassie had sought to disappear into the normal world, in fear that the same people who killed her mother might find her. Sam had remained in close contact with her over the years, despite the distance and their very different lifestyles. When Janet had adopted Cassie, she'd named Sam as the girl's godmother, and Sam had never shirked that responsibility. Cassie called her once a week without fail, and they met for holidays, always at Cassie's home. Losing her mother was an emotional and psychological scar that would never fully heal.

Colonel O'Neill. Jack. Jonathan. Sir. By whatever name she knew him, he had caused such upheaval in her life, for the last fourteen years. There hadn't been a single day in those fourteen years where he had not occupied her mind constantly, and it had nearly driven her mad with frustration. The situation had taken care of itself, in time.

A noise interrupted her thinking. A little girl, blonde and petite, ran in front of the chair upon which Sam had been lounging.

"Look Mommy."

The small girl held a model shuttle up for Sam's inspection. Sam oohed and ahhed over it appropriately, then sent the girl off to play.

"Don't go too far, Joli. Lunch will be ready soon."

As the girl ran off to play, Sam followed her with her eyes. How like her father Joli had become. Turning a corner, Joli disappeared around the side of the house, and Sam let her mind trail off into thought.

SIX YEARS AGO

It was late, and Daniel and Teal'c had retired for the night hours before, leaving General O'Neill and Major Carter alone by the pond. O'Neill sat languidly in his chair, line still in the water, hoping to catch something. He'd told them all many times that there were no fish in this pond, but had been proven wrong mere hours before.

They sat in silence, neither of them daring to speak of the subject that had brought them there. Jacob's death was still weighing heavily upon Sam, she felt as though she's lost two fathers that day, for Selmak had been the bridge that had brought the elder Carter back into her life. She felt as though she owed the Tok'ra, owed them far more than she could ever give back. Selmak's death cut into her like a sharp-edged knife, serving only to add to the pain of Jacob's death. She missed him already.

But that wasn't why they were there.

Jack's eyes still stared out onto the water, and his posture still appeared relaxed, but Sam could feel the tension within him. He would not speak first, she knew that.

"Jonathan."

His head snapped up. Nobody…nobody called him Jonathan. In fact, the only place he could recall seeing his given name was on his birth certificate. To hear his name spoken from Sam's lips, well, it was enough to shock him, to put it mildly.

Slowly he turned to look at her. "Major?"

She shrugged. "I figured it was the best way to get your attention. Otherwise we'd have sat here all night not saying anything."

He grunted. "I'm OK with that."

"Really, sir?" Her eyebrows shot up. "So you asked me here so we could sit here all night, not speaking of the reason I'm really here?"

His posture shifted slightly.

Ah-ha! She thought. I've got you now, Colonel. You can't back out of this one.

There was a soft scrape as Jack drew his chair closer to hers.

"I was gonna let it go, you know. Move on with my life, and let you move on with yours. You could've married Pete, had the house and the dog like you always wanted, and I'd have been happy for you. I'd have danced at your wedding and been happy for you, and I was OK with that. But when I was with Kerry…" he trailed off.

She sat, quietly, letting him collect his thoughts. If she interrupted him now, it was very likely he would not finish.

He cleared his throat softly. "When I was with Kerry," he continued, "I tried to let it go, to just be happy being with her, but I couldn't do that. It didn't feel right. She was a beautiful woman, a beautiful young woman, but she wasn't right. When I was there with her, when we were…" he coughed.

"When I was with her, when we were 'close,' I found myself thinking of someone else."

His eyes lifted to meet hers, and she found herself overwhelmed, swallowed in the depths of his deep brown eyes. Her breath caught in her throat, knowing what he would say next.

His eyes remained fixed on her face, drinking in her features; the soft wisps of blonde hair sweeping over her forehead, the large sapphire eyes peeking out from behind the pale hair. Her expression was of gentle anticipation, with a trace of fear.

TBC…