Chapter 1-Dear Jack
Disclaimer: I don't own LOST and some of the lines are directly out of the show.
A/N: I got this inspiration from a book I had where a teenage girl wrote everyday to her future husband even though she didn't know who it was. After Jack and Kate kissed, and after she had gotten kidnapped, Kate got withdrawals from not being around Jack. To help herself deal with it, she wrote letters to him everyday. Will he ever see the letters? We'll find out. Set the next day after Fire and Water. This is total Kate POV no Jack or Sawyer POV. Sorry!
Chapter 1
Dear Jack,
I don't know why I am doing this. This is really stupid of me to write you a letter you will probably never read, but it is my way of talking to you. To tell you how I feel. I feel bad for all the secrets I keep from you, even though you have your secrets you never tell me.
Kate looked up from her letter and looked out to the ocean. She didn't know really why she was doing this. It was totally childish, but it made her feel better. She gazed around her, trying to see who was around. Charlie was sitting playing on his guitar. Last night had been very eventful. Charlie had tried to kidnap Aaron. Poor Claire was very upset. Today, she felt something was off. Jack walked to the beach and she noticed he no longer wore the key around his neck to the case. What had he done with it? She adverted her eyes from him so he wouldn't think she was staring. Her gaze fell upon Sawyer, who was dozing in a airplane chair. She smiled and decided she would finish her letter later.
She closed the diary that she was writing in. She had found it in the hatch, and had decided to take it thinking she might use it later. She had never been much of a journaling person. Being on the run, there was no time for that, and even when she was a teenager she never did it. She was always moving. When she took the journal, she thought maybe it would help sort her feelings. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she was going to use it as a way to talk to Jack, even if he wasn't going to read it. She walked along the beach and looked for something to throw at Sawyer. She was glad they had put everything behind them and now it seemed like they were better off than before he had gone. Their relationship, if that's what you could call it, was so much more different that Jack and Kate's relationship. Even though Sawyer and Kate joked most of the time, they both knew they had some serious issues on the inside but Sawyer wasn't the kind of person to talk about those things so when he did Kate soaked them up.
Jack on the other hand, liked to talk. Well before the kiss anyways. They would always talk. He always wanted to know more about her. She refused to tell him anything about what she did though. She was afraid of what he would think. Now that the kiss had happened, and she had been kidnapped, they didn't even look at each other anymore. She shook her head. Can't I get Jack out of my head for one second? She thought to herself, before she picked up a banana from the fruit that she had picked earlier on. She threw it at Sawyer.
"Hey! What was that for?" Sawyer exclaimed, grabbing the banana.
"Couldn't find any rocks. Come on, time to change your bandages. " Kate said.
"Oh so now you're my nurse Freckles?" Sawyer asked.
"If I was your nurse we wouldn't have to go to Jack now would we?" Kate said.
Sawyer grumbled something unintelligible.
Kate smiled behind his back.
As they walked to the hatch, Kate suddenly got very nervous at the prospect of seeing Jack again for the first time since she had been kidnapped. She had seen him sure, but not face to face.
As they reached the hatch, Kate couldn't take it and she had to leave. "Sawyer I.." She couldn't come up with an excuse.
"What Freckles? Afraid of the doctor? Don't worry, he won't bite." Sawyer grinned.
Kate looked down." Yeah ok."
She knew that Jack and Ana had something going on. They looked like they were having more fun that Kate and Jack had ever had. She had even spotted them holding hands for a second but she just dismissed the thought. It made her mad that Jack was so nice to Ana after what she had done to Shannon. Of all people Jack was forgiving to Ana.
When they reached the hatch, Jack and Locke were having some sort of debate. She didn't know what it was about though.
"Kate told me I needed to change my bandages so here I am" Sawyer said.
Jack shook his head and looked at Locke as if to say we aren't done yet
Kate hid slightly behind Sawyer. And then he spotted her.
"Come over here Sawyer and I will do it." Jack said." Are you feeling anything different than usual?"
Kate followed Sawyer and sat next to him on the couch.
"Just the occasional annoyance." Sawyer shook his head.
Jack changed the bandage. Kate sensed the tension in the room.
"You don't really need the bandages anymore Sawyer but I am keeping them on just in case; Jack said.
"In case of what? Infection? I have a heck of enough medicines to cure that doc." Sawyer said.
Jack looked at Sawyer intensely. "Fine. Take them off if you want to. I won't be responsible for whatever happens."
"I'll be fine Jacko. I have Nurse Freckles here to help me." Sawyer said.
Kate looked at Jack to see what his reaction was. Jack just walked out of the room.
"Well Freckles, it's time for my daily swim. Let's go," and with that Sawyer ripped off the new bandage that Jack had put on him.
After Sawyer and Kate had parted ways at the beach, Kate had sat down to try to finish her letter.
I miss you a lot. Even though you are within arm's reach, I miss you. You confuse me so much sometimes. I just wish things would get back to normal. But I know they never will. I will write you tonight, or tomorrow. Whenever I feel like it.
Kate
She didn't know how to finish it. Love, Kate? No. That was too straightforward. Then she shook her head and threw the book a few feet away. It was a letter he would never see for goodness sakes! Then she heard someone coming and she quickly grabbed the book so no one would see it. It was Jack. He looked mad. He had a bottle of pills in his hand. He didn't even notice Kate as he walked by. Kate sighed and put her book away. She grabbed a magazine she had taken earlier from the hatch and went over to Sawyer. He was picking things up in his tent.
"So, something happen between you and Jack?" Kate smiled.
"News travels too fast around here." Sawyer muttered.
"I just guessed. "
"He was going through my stuff. A man never goes through another man's stuff." Sawyer muttered again.'
"And what if a woman is looking through a man's stuff?" Kate said.
Sawyer looked up at Kate. "Well that's a different story. " he said, with a weird smile on his face.
"Got you some new reading material." Kate said, throwing the magazine at him and sitting down on the chair.
"Oh yay my favorite." Sawyer said sarcastically. "Hey you want to read it to me?"
"What?" Kate asked, surprised.
"Lost my glasses on the raft." Sawyer said, and then threw the magazine at Kate before sitting down across from her.
"10 ways to tell if he is a sensitive man." Kate smiled.
"Oh this ought to be good." Sawyer said.
"Hi John." Kate looked up. He was probably checking on Claire again.
"Now there's a sensitive man." Sawyer said.
Kate glared at Sawyer. "He's taking care of Claire."
"John's got him self needs just like anyone else here."
"Not everyone is like you Sawyer." Kate said
"I guess that's why Jacko and Ana-lulu didn't ask me to join their little army."
Kate looked at him. What was this? They were planning an army?
Sawyer looked at her back. "Guess I'm not the only one on the outs with the doc."
Kate looked down.
"So are you going to read this to me or not?" Sawyer asked.
Kate tried to shake the feelings of jealousy away. She tried to read in her normal voice but she knew there were some tremors.
Suddenly it stared to rain. Sawyer got under the tent and Kate started laughing. She loved the rain so much.
"Come on Freckles!" Sawyer said, pulling Kate under the tent with him.
She looked him in the eye, and for a moment, oh what a brief moment that was, they shared a look. She would never forget it. Then they heard the scream that would change everything.
They ran to find Sun. Sawyer yelled at Kate to get Jack. Get Jack? She didn't think about it. She just did it. He luckily was still at the beach and hadn't gone to the hatch. He was sitting under the same tree she had been sitting under earlier, writing her letter.
She raced towards him. "Jack Jack!"
"What?" Jack stood up.
She looked him in the eye and forgot immediately about what she was supposed to say.
"S-Sun." she stuttered.
"What about Sun?" Jack asked. His voice was calm, which only added to Kate's nervousness.
"Sun! She's hurt! Sawyer is bringing her here!" Kate got out.
Jack was off. She stood there for a second, staring after him, then she ran to catch up. She was concerned for Sun, so she pushed her feelings for Jack away. After Ana had said that the Others were back, the little group had gathered to talk. Locke and Jack were at it again for the he second time that day. Then Ana asked where it was that they had found her.
"Outside her garden." Kate said. Then she listened for the rest of the conversation. They talked about going after the Others with guns, Finally they decided to wait until Sun woke up.
"Sawyer come on. Let's go look in the jungle for clues." Kate said, pulling Sawyer along with her.
They went to her garden and looked for anything.
Sawyer was certain that it was someone at camp who had hurt Sun. Sawyer was implying that it was Ana. Or maybe she just thought it was Ana herself. She decided she needed to talk to Jack. So she went to the beach and saw him with Sun. So she went and waited by the water. She started pacing. She hoped she could talk to him and not look stupid. She knew he would be mad that she would even think of Ana doing it since they were so close. She watched Ana from a distance. She was talking to Eko. She looked over at Jack again and he was heading towards her, well not towards her, to the water actually but she could wish it was to her.
"That bump on her head. Do you think she fell or someone hit her?" Kate asked him. He didn't even acknowledge her and he went to get the water. Her heart sank but she followed him anyway.
Jack shrugged and said in a monotone voice, "I don't know."
Kate was relieved he had responded. Now it was time though to ask him the question she knew he wouldn't like,'" Jack how well do you know Ana-Lucia?"
He didn't respond. She decided to keep going and explain herself. "It's just, the others told us they would leave us alone if we left them alone. So we've left them alone. Why would they attack a couple days later?
He finally responded. "Well if it wasn't them than who was it?
Her heart sank lower than it had before. He was giving her the cold shoulder and what she was about to say wasn't going to help anything.
"Like I said, how well do you know Ana –Lucia?" Kate said, looking at him carefully. He stood up rigid, gave her a glace like how could you think of such a thing, then he left.
She shook her head. She knew that this would happen. She just had to always think of others and put them before herself. She just hoped that Jack would listen to her and keep it in mind.
She felt like crap now and didn't even want to write in her diary. So she walked on the beach for a while, feeling the water come up on her toes. Then she saw Jack and Ana from a distance and she went up to the trees away from them and watched them. She couldn't hear them but Ana didn't look happy. Maybe, just maybe he had confronted her. Which would mean he had listened to her and taken it into consideration. She smiled. Then Claire called Jack to Sun again and Kate spotted Sawyer sitting near them so she decided she'd go sit with him.
"Hey what's going on?" Kate asked.
"Looks like the little group's forming a posse and gettin some guns. I wouldn't be surprised if Jack got that horse of yours and lead the charge." Sawyer told her.
Kate looked down. That horse was something special to her and the thought of Jack on it made her want to cry. She then thought how wonderful it would be if he got on the horse and came after her. She smiled at the thought but then when she looked up Ana was looking at her. She stared back, desperately trying to read her mind. Then it came to her.
"The gun Sawyer. All Ana wants is the guns. She's using everyone!" Kate said. She thought of what she could do.
"Locke. Sawyer go to the hatch and tell Locke." Kate said.
"Why me?" Sawyer asked.
"Please Sawyer." Kate said.
She watched him go away to the hatch. She knew that people would be mad, Jack to say the least would be enraged. But it was for the well being of everyone.
She got up and went to her tent and grabbed her journal, then she set it down again. She felt guilty for what she was doing, so she didn't feel like she should write to him. She went and picked more fruit, constantly worried about what was going to happen. She didn't hear from Sawyer the rest of the day. It was uneventful for the most part. The sun set and she was sitting in her tent debating whether to write or not. She ended up not because Jack was making a scene. She went and watched it. Jack was furious. And for the third time that day, Jack and Locke were butting heads. She wished all the arguing would stop for once. Locke was being calm and that only made Jack madder. Then, they heard the gun shot. Three times in fact. And then Sawyer appeared. Her heart sank. What had he done?
Sawyer told them this whole thing about how his stuff got violated and that he didn't want the stash back and he just went on and on. Kate didn't really comprehend what he said. All Kate knew was that she had gotten used. Now she was more hurt than she had ever been. After everyone was settled, well if you could call Jack heading to the hatch for the night with Locke at his heals settled, then yes they were. She decided to go to Sawyer. Confront him and tell him how it made her feel. Well maybe not be all that upfront but upfront enough for him. It was more than she had ever done for Jack. So she went to him.
He was polishing a gun, as if to show off to everyone.
"How did you do it?" Kate asked.
"Do what?" Sawyer asked.
"How did you get the guns away from the hatch?" Kate asked.
"Now why would I tell you that?" Sawyer said.
Kate glared for a second. "You played us. You played me. " Now she was on the verge of tears. No way was she going to cry in front of Sawyer.
"Did you have anything to do with Sun?"
"What kind of person do you think I am?" Sawyer asked, appearing offended.
"What kind of a person do I think you are? I think you just want people to hate you." Kate said.
"Good think you don't hate me Freckles." Sawyer said.
Kate looked down. sawyer was right. After all he did, she still didn't hate him. Why? She didn't know. She just knew she was incredibly hurt.
"Why did you have to do this?" Kate asked.
"You run. I con. Tigers don't change their stripes." Sawyer said, then went back to polishing his rifle.
Kate looked at him for a second, then walked away. First she walked slowly back to her tent. Then she started running. She ran along the beach. Running always used to make her feel better. When she got in a fight with her step-dad, she would go out and run and think. Other people just go to their rooms and think, but Kate couldn't. Wayne was always following her.
She ran for a while, then when she got quite a ways away from the camp, she broke down. She stood right on the tip of the ocean. She was sinking. She didn't care. All she could think about was how lost she felt right then. She cried for a long time. She didn't think at all during that time, she just cried. After she stopped crying, she started thinking.
After they had gone to the Others and she had been kidnapped, she had put everything she had into Sawyer. She was happy around him. She put her problems away and just had fun with Sawyer. Now, she had neither Jack or Sawyer to be around. How was she going to deal with that? She knew someday things would be better for her and Sawyer. Maybe even one day Jack and Kate could be better too. But right then she realized, Sawyer was just her filler. Jack was the real thing. She decided to go back home. Home. Funny to be thinking of this place as home. She moved to walk but then her feet were stuck in the ground and she fell over. She started laughing hysterically. She felt the water rush over her. She just laid there and laughed. Finally she got up and walked to her tent. Everyone else was asleep. She grabbed her journal and began writing.
Dear Jack…
A/N: To be continued in the next chapter. Besides Maternity Leave, there really isn't a lot of Kate in One of Them or The Whole Truth really but I will still write for that but it will not be as long. Please review and tell me what you think.