My Guiding Light

A ray of golden sun lay at the end of a never ending road while all around me, girls skipped along. Some laughed with their girlfriends as they twirled their fingers through their hair, which had been pulled back into tight ponytails. Poodle skirts swayed in the wind as I ran passed them.

I'd been there before, running through the town full of woman. It was everything a regular hormonal boy like me could want—a typical Fat City. Yet, for me, it was a nightmare; I couldn't seem to get out of there quick enough. As soon as I passed by them, they immediately stopped what they were doing. Hula hoopers stopped, their rings frozen for a second in the air only to fall on the ground with a light thump as feminine hips stopped moving. Hop scotch grids were left behind as were the latest issue of whatever teen magazine the girls were into at the time. All of their activities were dropped and for what?

Me.

"Edward! It's Edward!" they screamed as they all formed a mob, chasing after me as if I were the great Elvis Presley.

"Edward! Edward! Edward! Edward!"

It seemed like I would never make it away. Hauling ass, I pushed myself to run faster and faster. The sky grew darker and darker but one thing kept me sane, one thing and one thing alone—a figure with sun for hair, bright and gleaming.

My lighthouse… my beacon… my guiding light.

"Edward! Edward!" Their screams mingled now with a familiar voice.

Everything grew darker and darker; the light seemed to dissipate as a different light took over.

"Edward, darling, wake up sweetie," my mother called from downstairs. She had a soft gentle voice and yet it carried through the house with enough potency to filter through my door and into my room. My eyes fluttered open and then closed immediately as the bright sun blinded me. I rubbed my eyes and mumbled my curses at the sun. It taunted me and only reminded me that once again I didn't reach the end of the road. My eyes ached in protest, begging me to cease my actions.

It took a lot to get myself out of bed because I knew what the day was. As I walked toward my closet door, I stared at the calendar but seeing the date only made my dread more real. June 1, 1959 was my birthday. I sighed, resigned by the fact that I would have girls fawning all over me.

"Great," I scoffed.

Ever since childhood, I was the kind of person that everyone wanted to be around. I always had a group of buddies that swarmed around me like flies. It was great; our days were filled with games and laughter. That, along with pummeling the occasional geek, was what took over my childhood. Things were great until puberty hit and then girls wanted to be around me, too; it was horrible.

My buddies suddenly had no problem dropping our plans whenever a chick came along. I never understood why I didn't wanted to be around the girls. They just seemed so delicate and smelled too sweet. It made my nose burn and it took a lot to hide the look of distaste whenever they crowded me and my buddies.

I also couldn't explain why I wanted to be around my buddies all the time or why I always instigated reasons to wrestle with them on the ground.

The answer stuck out to me instantly during mandatory showers after my first day of freshman P.E. It was pure torture, having to focus on the wall in front of me when all I really wanted to do was look at the naked figure of my longtime pal, Emmett McCarty. His body had started to change from boy to man and I wanted nothing more than to explore the planes of his body with my finger. That thought alone scared the wits out of me.

Laughing, I scoffed at the memory and shook my head. I was thankful to be over my pubescent stage. I undressed as I made my way toward the bathroom and couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror. In a completely superficial way, I was able to understand why Emmett and I where Top Cats at Forks High. We were both on the football team and my body, although less bulky than Emmett, shined with the glory of muscles. Girls wanted us, they wanted me.

Emmett had been through all the paper shakers at school and was going steady with Miss Rosalie Hale. She and Emmett were perfect for each other considering they were both superficial and in it for the popularity. The gal was stacked and Emmett, from what I attained by the few stolen glances in the school showers, was packing heat of his own. It was the classic head cheerleader and school quarter back pairing that we have long since come to expect.

You'd think the fact that I was the only football player in the school who had yet to score with a girl and there were only a couple of weeks before graduation would have made me a total outcast but it didn't. That title went to Jasper Whitlock who'd been a social outcast since kindergarten. If I remembered correctly, he fell victim to me and my buddies quite often whenever we felt the need to let out some steam and pound on a geek or two.

The guys had lost interest in pounding him when they discovered girls. The year was 1953 and we were all around thirteen or fourteen years old when the first issue of Playboy came out. I shuddered at the memory of seeing those women with their naked lady parts hanging out.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I would be so close to reaching my climax while imagining the guys in the locker room when out of nowhere an image of one of those woman would flash in my mind and womp, good bye erection.

"Edward, you're going to be late!"

Shit, I cursed at myself as I turned on the shower and jumped in as soon as the water was warm enough. Lathering my hands in soap, I rubbed my hands over my body. I stifled a moan as I grabbed ahold of my cock and held back a laugh as I gently squeezed my hardening flesh.

"Happy Birthday, Edward," I whispered, giving myself a gift.

All traces of humor left my face as I leaned my back against the tile wall of the shower. Images of Emmett's hard, chiseled body, wet and covered in soapsuds, filled my mind. He called me over by crooking his finger, teasing me as he licked his lips. My hand sped up, twisting at the head and I moaned as I pictured Emmett dropping to his knees. In my mind, his head bobbed up and down my cock as my hands make their way to his short hair.

"Jasper…" I whispered as hair changed, growing in length and turning a lighter shade. His head continued to bob up and down, taking me deeper into his throat. Biting my lip as I shot jet after jet of warm seed, it occurred to me that I didn't shoot to images of Emmett like I usually did.

I, Edward Cullen, reached climax on account of one Jasper Whitlock.

After I had stepped out of the shower, I seemed to have fallen into a zombie daze. How I was able to get dressed, eat breakfast and drive to school all in one piece is nothing short of a miracle. My mother had to have noticed I was out of it because she stopped singing her own rendition of Happy Birthday to me after the fourth verse.

"Daddy-O! What's buzzin, cuzzin?" shouted Emmett's booming voice as he grabbed me from behind. His form of greeting me hadn't changed since we were kids. With his arm around my neck, he brought my head down and roughly rubbed his knuckles into my head. Any regular guy would have blown a gasket at that with the majority of guys sporting the James Dean look— may his soul rest in peace. God knows I tried fixing my unruly hair into the same style only to be met with disappointment. My hair chose, much like me, not to conform to society's expectations.

Laughter escaped my lips at his attempt to wrestle me to the ground. Leave it to Em to want to show he was top cat in town on my birthday.

Our bodies moved to the ground as he tried to pin me down. He had the strength of a bear, while I had the speed of a wild cat, which is why he's quarterback and I'm the running back. Everything was going great until he came along. Walking by with his thick rimmed glasses, hair matted down with gel and a plaid shirt clad with the chess team's jacket.

"Enough, Emmett!" I scowled as he tried tackling me after it was clear that I was no longer invested in our childish game.

"Whoa, Big Daddy, don't have a cow; I was only foolin'!" He smiled as he held his palms up slowly backing away as if he were afraid of me or at least I thought he did. I wasn't focused on him at that moment. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from Jasper.

Why? Why now? I've know the gee... the guy practically my entire life. Why was I noticing him suddenly? Could it be that I was so unbelievably shallow that I only began to notice him because the image of him taking my manhood into his mouth made me climax earlier? Jasper... Jasper... Jasper. I couldn't look away from him. How is it that I never noticed just how beautiful he really is? His hair seemed to shine brightly in the sun, almost as if it sparkled. He was sitting under the tree with his friends, talking and laughing. Wow, did his laugh always sound so angelic? Did his nose always crinkle in that cute little way whenever he laughed?

"Edward, what's wrong?" Emmett asked as he stood in front of me, blocking my view of the gee... of Jasper.

"Wooot! Wooot!" I didn't have to look at them to know who those shouts belonged to. Riley, Garrett, Mike, James, and Alec approached us.

Their greetings of punches and backslaps did nothing to distract me from Jasper, who I had perfect view of again after Emmett moved to greet the guys.

"What's wrong with him?" someone asked as he waved his hand in front of my eyes.

"I don't know," Emmett replied as he finally turned to see who I was looking at.

At that point Jasper's friends had left, leaving him behind. He sat reading some book underneath the tree as he fanned himself with his free hand. He was wearing long sleeves in June which just seemed weird to me.

"I think I know what Edward wants for his birthday!" The guys laughed as they stood in front of me, their faces all masked in humor and mischief.

"You want a little trip down memory lane?" James asked as he cracked his knuckles. "Let's beat the geek for Edward's big day!" He chuckled as he playfully punched my shoulder. All around me, the guys seemed to be in agreement.

Was that what they thought I wanted? NO! Not him! Why? Why did I have to stare at him for so long? What do I do? Damn, what should I do? I thought to myself, trying to figure it out.

I followed behind quietly, not knowing what to do as the guys crept closer and closer to him. I could see the fear in his eyes as he saw the group walking toward him. James punched his open palm with his fist as the other guys surrounded Jasper.

"Well… Well… Well… what have we got here?" James sneered as Jasper dropped his copy of Shakespeare's Macbeth to the ground. His palms were flat against the tree, as if he was trying to mold himself to it in an attempt to escape the beating that was practically inevitable.

"H-H-Hiya F-F... Hiya fellas," Jasper stuttered as he looked at us with fear.

James walked over to Jasper, an evil mocking smile spread across his face as he grabbed Jasper's glasses right off of his face, only to put them on. In an act so cruel and degrading, he walked around with slouched shoulders, mocking him. "H-H-H-Hiya F-F-Fellas, w-w-wasn't last week's math exam the bees knees? I-I-I love chess, don't you fellas?" He went on and on, the other guys encouraging him, laughing at how Jasper's bottom lip quivered. His eyes shimmered with tears that were close to spilling.

"You know what you are, Jasper?" James asked as he walked toward him. "You want to know why my uncle left you and your mother?" He sneered at him. A crowd began to surround us, all interested in Jasper's humiliation. "Do you all want to know why he left?" he asked as he spoke to the crowd.

Jasper was at a loss for words as tears spilled down his face.

All the while, I internally cursed myself. 'This is getting out of hand... Do something... Stop this... You're yella… A poor excuse for a man... Do something... just fucking do something.'

The sound of Jasper's cries brought me out of my trance as I saw him holding his stomach as he bent over, his face grimacing in pain. "His daddy left him and his mother because Jasper Whitlock is a cock sucker."

All around laughter rose from the masses. Jasper tried running away only to be pushed from guy to guy until he fell back into the center, just under the tree.

James continued his verbal assault on Jasper. "Isn't that why you wear long sleeves all the time? Cuz your daddy beat the hell outta you when he found out you were a fairy, sissy boy!" Jasper winced at the words and pulled his arms into his chest.

"You all may ask how I know this?" James taunted as he tossed Jasper back his glasses.

"P-p-p-l… please don't tell them," Jasper stuttered as he cried. His eyes looked deep into my own and my heart stopped. I had to stop it; I couldn't let it go on. That wasn't who I was, it wasn't me and I was sick of it.

All my life I was looking, searching for something that gave me the strength to make it to the end of the frivolous road of lies that was my life. And there it stood before me, right in the middle of the circle. It was Jasper, whose hair reflected the sun like a lighthouse, that was leading me out of the dark abyss. The way he looked at me with pain in his eyes and with fear at the same time snapped something inside of me.

"His father caught him pleasuring himself and shouting Edward Cullen's name!" James threw his head back in a laugh so evil that it made my face scrunch in anger.

"Come and throw the first punch, Edward!" James called to me, obviously misreading the loathing look on my face.

"Beat the geek... Beat the geek... Beat the geek…" The chants of the crowd only grew louder and louder. Faculty members, who had been on their way to stop the spectacle, froze in their paths and walked back into the school as soon as they heard why Jasper's father had left. Bigoted, close-minded idiots, all of them! The anger pushed me forward just in time to see James holding onto Jasper as Emmett was preparing to throw the first punch.

"Stop!" I shouted, my fist making contact with Emmett's face before he could touch Jasper. He looked at me, shock spread across his face as blood dripped down his nose.

"Let him go now!" I shouted as I walked toward James and lost it. Just looking into his face, I couldn't control myself and I began to pummel him. The guys tried pulling me off of James all to no avail; he had to pay for what he put Jasper through.

"No… Good... Hateful... Loser…" I shouted as my fists punctuated each word on his face. The crowd dispersed and teachers came running. Coach Masen was the only one able to pull me off James.

"What's wrong with you? You're going to throw your life away for some fairy?" Emmett shouted as I pushed past him, kneeling down to extend my hand to Jasper, who was also sporting a look of shock on his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked, drying the small trace of tears from his face as I wrapped my arms around him. "I'll take care of you, don't worry."

"Are you going to hit me?" He spoke clearly.

"No, why would you think that?" Concern laced my voice as I looked into his eyes.

Emmett, along with my ex-friends, looked upon us as Alec and Mike helped James to his feet.

"Aren't you disgusted? Didn't you hear what James said?" he asked. The look of fear had yet to leave his eyes.

"I did and I don't care. I-I=I…" I tried to speak. I was the one who had fear bubbling inside me then. What I was about to do would not only alienate me from my family and friends, but society itself. I was on the verge of backing down; cowardice was taking over and I was losing the will.

"Edward, are you okay?"

That was all it took, his voice and his beautiful blue eyes as they looked into mine to sealed the deal.

"I don't care because I'm the same way and it was your name I recently screamed as I pleasured myself."

If no one else was shocked up until that point, they definitely were now. While I led Jasper toward my car, I was stopped by a pair of hands holding my throat tightly.

"Watch your back," came James' voice from behind. "You and that little nancy boy will regret this."

His insult fell on silent ears, I wasn't afraid of him. "Come on, baby, let me take you home."

After helping him inside the passenger side of the car, I hurried toward the driver's side, put it in drive and left the old me behind. I looked to my right, toward Jasper who seemed comfortable enough to trust me while he closed his eyes and slept.

The decision I'd made would alter my life in a huge way. I'd no longer be top cat in the town and I couldn't have cared less. As long as I had Jasper with me, if he wanted me that is, I would be okay. He was my guiding light, my lighthouse… the bright future that I was heading toward was with him.

Lost again in my thoughts, I was brought out of it by feeling Jasper snuggle his head on my chest. "Happy Birthday, Edward."

1950's Slang

-Fat City: A great thing or place
-Paper Shaker: Cheerleader
-Stacked: A well-endowed woman
-Daddy-O: Term of Address
-What's buzzin, cuzzin?: What's new buddy?