This is very, very sad. You will need tissues.
Warnings: character death, blood
Disclaimer: I do not own X/1999 or any characters therein. I make no money from this fanfiction.
You feel the warmth around your hand, and the wet and you don't know what it is. You stare blankly forwards as the heavy weight and the warmth and wet slips away and then you realise what it is and you catch Seishirou as he falls to his knees. You don't understand, you can't understand as you cradle him.
"Why?" you ask, not even really aware you're saying it. The word falls from your lips and you don't know anything, you don't understand, you can't and you clutch him, tighter, closer. He lifts his head and smiles and you wonder, why do his eyes look so sad, why do they look so gentle, why do they look so unlike Seishirou's eyes.
"You sister," he begins, and he's frowning, he's hurting and you have the briefest, briefest second where you think you're seeing Seishirou at last. Not the vet, not the Sakurazukamori, but Seishirou and it hurts like you're the one who has been stabbed. "Her life's last spell," he says and you can see her in your mind's eye, Hokuto falling back and her spell being cast. "When I tried to kill you the same way as her," he continues, clutching at his chest and you can't bear to look, you can feel the blood coming out and you can see Hokuto, saying goodbye and dying and you can feel him dying as he speaks to you. "It would come back to me," he finishes. His head flops onto your shoulder and he closes his eyes and you can barely breathe around the lump in your throat. "We right now, are like a reflection of the past," he murmurs against your shoulder. "That day... Hokuto's heart was stabbed," he whispers, like you don't know already and you can see it again, her clinging to Seishirou's shoulder and him lowering her to the ground.
"You killed Hokuto-chan... and disappeared in front of me..." you say, staring into the distance, but not down to the man in your arms, not down to see the thick blood pumping out of the wound you put there. "I... tried to kill you... from the bottom of my heart, I tried to erase your existence from my mind," you tell him, half choking on the words. It's the truth, but you realised soon enough that you could not exist without him. You look down, along the length of his body. You can still feeling him breathing against your shoulder, but his breaths are coming slower and heavier and he's... he's... "But I couldn't," you admit, "even if you thought I was just a stone, even if it felt like stepping on a withered branch..." You clutch at him and you can feel his blood on your hands and you can feel tears tracking down your face and you can see the dark red staining his coat. "And still... that's why I wanted to be killed by you," you whisper into the crook of his neck, wrapping your arms around him. "Even if you forget that you killed me, even if I'm just one of the many of the sakura's victims... at least I wanted you..." You can't get the words out and you can feel tears and blood staining your cheek and all you can see is him, lying there.
"When I think about it," he says, so quietly you can barely hear him. He reaches one bloodstained hand up to your face, cupping your right cheek. "You weren't ready to kill someone... because you're too kind," he whispers. He's opened his eyes again and he's smiling at you and he lifts his head just enough and he says "Subaru-kun..."
He leans forwards and he whispers words you've wanted to hear for so long into your ear and you can barely even recognise them for what they are. And in the next second, he has fallen forwards against you and you are crying bitter, sad tears and he isn't breathing and his eyes are closed and his face is relaxed and achingly beautiful and you choke out meaningless words, about him never saying the things you think he's going to, and you press yourself close to his unmoving body and you cry until your tears run dry.
He's gone, you think and you can't even feel his spirit and you know you should be glad because you're an onmyouji and you shouldn't want him to linger, but you can't bear it he's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's dead and it's so final. Someone – Kamui – touches your shoulder and you want to shove him away, you want to push them all away. You want to stay here, clutching Seishirou and never move again because this is too much.
You don't ever want to let go because if you let go then it will be over.
It will be the end.
And you never want it to end.
*passes tissues*
Rethira