Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own GW, damn it

Pairings: 1x2x1

Warnings: yaoi, m/m sexual relations, language, canon timeline, angst

A/N: Inspired by a conversation with ELLE and a discussion of how Saving Abel's Addicted was a 1x2 song. Beta'd by her as she is awesome as usual and gets all the blame for this…or at least some of it ;-p

Addicted

"Do what you want, Duo."

It was a dangerous phrase to use with a boy who had been trained to pilot a machine that caused a swathe of death and destruction just as Heero had, with a boy who smiled and had that whole devil may care attitude, a boy who had shot him twice the first time they'd met. It really was the stupidest damn thing he could've said, something that would have been perceived as a weakness – he could almost hear J and the mechanical whirring sounds and the feeling of being strapped on a table and being told it would not hurt. He always lied. The faceless lab technicians would insert the needles, hooking him up to machines and tubes and the chemicals would be pumped into his body, still growing, and send liquid fire through his veins.

Heero had never been entirely sure what the purpose of those chemicals and drugs had been. He'd known they were to make him better, faster, stronger but then he'd been too young to ask, too well-disciplined and trained to question. Sometimes he found it difficult to know whether he'd needed those injections or whether they'd been used as some form of punishment for not performing well enough in his training, for one slight show of weakness, an attempt to re-programme him and meet the specifications of what they wanted in a solider.

He thought about those words he'd said to Duo, about all the things they'd done as he powered up his Gundam, his fingers skittering over the control panel in a familiar pattern. A part of him regretted that he could not engage in the celebrations with the others – that in Libra's destruction and in the aftermath of the final battle all he did was land on MO-11 to assess the damage to Wing ZERO and now he was leaving as he intended. Leaving before Relena would seek him out to speak to him. Disappearing before the others could notice his absence. Before he could see Duo.

Their eyes had met as they exited the cockpits of their respective Gundams, he saw Duo stretch, the skin-tight spacesuit creating a feeling in him that he instantly reprimanded himself for. They'd had their last time in the hanger of Peacemillion the night before the battle and as much as a part of him wanted to find him – celebrate not with champagne but with a hot trail of kisses, with the removal of spacesuits, with hard dicks meeting and sliding, naked against one another – he didn't let himself. Instead, he was disappearing just as Wufei had done before him.

For a second his hands stalled in the start-up process, the initialising of the system stuttering to a stop as he felt himself grip hard on the edge of his seat, the leather yielding to his pressure as he fought two conflicting feelings. He thought that he wanted nothing to do with the celebrations – the war was now over and as he was a soldier he was no longer required. He would disappear until the shadow of another conflict appeared and he would leave behind his allies. Yet a part of him wanted Duo, wanted that celebration, wanted to hear how his breath hitched, how his body responded, how he did all those small things that Heero had come to like even though he did not want to. Even though he had wanted it all to be meaningless sexual encounters.

"Do what you want," Heero had said that last time, he remembered – repeating words he'd used before and they sounded like a challenge.

A challenge that Duo had accepted. It had been a dangerous proposition when they started but despite all J's attempts to remove his feelings and thoughts and hormones it had not been entirely successful. Those hours spent trying to be motionless and trying not to show the actual amount of pain that they put him through had failed. He wondered what J would think as he wrestled between the memories of being with Duo and the knowledge that this was all fleeting, that he intended to disappear.

"Ya know, you could be a whole lot nicer to the guy who's about to suck your dick," had been the response, said with a smirk, Duo on his knees looking up at Heero, bright blue eyes seemingly impossible in the low lighting of Peacemillion's mobile suit hanger.

He could've been, he reflected – could've been nicer since the whole damn thing started between them, could've made it into something less cold, something with feelings involved but they were in the middle of war and Duo was not naïve. That he knew.

"Are you going to stop?"

Duo had laughed at him and it wasn't a pleasant sound. He'd heard him laugh with Quatre in the downtime between battles and then it had sounded completely different – with him it sounded cold, harder, harsh. He'd heard him laugh over comm channels when they were in their Gundams, heard it over the static of the system and the sound of gunfire and explosions and the laugh was like that. It probably was appropriate – what they had been doing was a battle of wills rather than anything with affection. Duo liked Quatre. Heero was unsure if they even liked one another beyond the fucking around, the shared blowjobs, the hurried jerking off and the occasional meeting of lips in nips and rough adrenalin fuelled kisses.

"Did I ever say I needed you to be nice?"

He hadn't been able to articulate an answer then as fingers lifted up the green tank top and a mouth breathed, warm and hot against his abdominal muscles, his body automatically fluttering and convulsing in a response that he couldn't control. A tongue darted had out and he felt his body slump back into the hard coldness of Gundanium, the side of the leg of Wing ZERO providing the support he needed as the looming figure of Deathscythe Hell stood over them. They weren't visible from the entrance of the hanger but neither were they hidden and the thought of that created a shiver up his spine that Heero didn't understand. He didn't care if one of the other pilots or any of the engineers saw them in a compromising position but then somewhere deep inside he liked the idea that someone could see this – Duo on his knees in front of him, poised to suck him off.

"No," Heero had answered, finally, a little amount of composure retained as Duo's tongue trailed a path across his abs, stopping at his naval, swiping over his belly button and purposefully ignoring his dick – hard, still in his black shorts.

No, it was never going to be "nice" and romantic but there was something more to it than pure sexual release. If it was purely about sex, Heero could've chosen someone without complications and left them behind after the encounter. Yet he hadn't. He'd chosen a fellow pilot and logically he could argue many things. That Duo understood the danger, got off on it, understood that he would disappear, understood that it had to have no emotional connection as they could be dead within a matter of hours after each fuck.

The arguments, though, were hollow and didn't work as by selecting another pilot their paths had crossed too many damn times. And it had become more complicated. Unable to kill him at Barge as he remembered how he'd felt sliding underneath him, how his sweat tasted, how he looked with his head thrown back against white pillows at one of the schools, how his face contorted as he came. It had led him to where they had been, hours prior to what every time could be their last battle, Duo finding him in the hanger as he avoided the discussions with the other pilots. The chess games. The reading. The strategy discussions. The demands that they placed on him – Quatre wanting his guidance despite him being unable to give it, Trowa wanting some reassurance, Wufei wanting him to be a solider to aspire to.

He remembered the feeling of fingers trailing down to the waistband of his shorts and he looked down. No, Duo never demanded anything. And he moved his hand to his face for a second, running the pad of his thumb over his lips, Duo's tongue darting out, licking at the digit, their eyes meeting briefly in the limited night lighting. Then Heero couldn't watch anymore as he let his head loll back against the solid Gundanium behind him feeling the mixture of the stale recycled air of the spaceship and the warm breath against his cock, his shorts pushed down to slide down his legs and pool over his yellow sneakers.

The first contact of tongue was enough to make him jolt, for his fingers to clench, for his eyes to close, for all his muscles to tense as it was only a teasing thing – the swipe across the head of his dick not providing any real stimulation but he was already oversensitive to Duo's touch. Oversensitive to it, the feel of him pressed against him, the intense feeling only comparable to those drugs, the chemicals that had been put into his body as he lay strapped to the lab table.

"Problem 'Ro?"

He'd cracked one eye open to see Duo looking up at him, the look of triumph on his face – he knew Duo got off on the fact he could turn the "soldier boy," the "freakin' superman," the "cold-hearted asshole" into something quivering and needy. It was not how he was ever meant to be but he'd never been able to turn Duo away – not when he'd walked across the hanger casually, not when he'd pushed him up against the leg of his own Gundam, not when he'd slid his fingers down his sides, flicked at his nipples, dragged his bottom lip between his teeth. Not when he was at his feet.

"Do it."

"I didn't hear a please."

"You don't want me to be nice," he shot back and this time when Duo laughed, the hot moist breath was too much, too close his dick and he bucked forward instinctively for some friction

Duo put his hands on Heero's hips, pushing him back further against the leg of his mobile suit. "Ya could just say please."

"Duo…" he'd heard the way his voice sounded – pleading – and he hated the tone, the quality of it. He wished he was strong enough to just pull up his shorts and leave the hanger, find somewhere to sleep in the overcrowded living quarters for a few hours, yet instead he capitulated as he found he'd done far too many times. "Please."

Duo could take it as a win. Duo could take it any damn way he wanted and Heero couldn't care because this was something he needed.

There was a spark that he had ignited all that time ago near the beginning of the war and it was one that Heero struggled to ignore – one he didn't want as he felt heat, the slide of lips, the swirl of tongue along the underside of his cock and he could only lean further back, unable to move or unwilling to move due to the hands at his hips, the sharp short fingernails pushing into his flesh so that he remained where he was, unable to create the much needed friction.

He could overpower Duo – he hadn't gone through all those years of training, of fuck knew what genetic experimentation for him not to be able to overpower someone even if they were a fellow Gundam pilot. But he didn't want to. He surrendered entirely, found the fingers of his right hand in Duo's hair, the left clenched in a fist as he attempted not to moan or give any indication of the feelings of pleasure that centred around that mouth, those lips parted, that boy at his feet that called himself death who was making him feel more alive than he did at any other time except for when he was behind the controls of his Gundam.

He had dared to look down, conscious of the fact Duo was no longer teasing, the way his tongue and lips were moving increasing in pace, and the image along with the slide and friction making the raw explosive feeling surface deep down within him. It took only a moan from Duo, the vibrations and the noise oddly sensual, for him to feel release coil in his groin and to unconsciously move his hips forward, allowed a small amount of movement by firm hands, and to come hard into that mouth.

Noiselessly Duo rose to his feet and moved to lean against the leg of his own Gundam, allowing Heero a few moments to regain the composure he'd lost. He had looked over then, the distance between them, the two Gundams towering over them, and then Heero pulled up his shorts, pushed himself off the leg of his machine. He'd made an attempt to kiss him as he thought it was the appropriate action but Duo turned his head to avoid his lips. Heero had rarely done what could be considered the appropriate thing with Duo, tried to understand what he should do but it was confusing and he had blinked in the low light and used his hands to reach out, to try to find skin through the black fabric but he was stopped from making movement and Duo pushed against his shoulders.

"You don't want me to?" Heero had asked, puzzled by the rejection.

"I'll just go jack off in my bunk."

It would've been an acceptable outcome when the arrangement had first occurred – that Duo had given him pleasure and asked for nothing in return. Though now it had become that he didn't want that. He wanted the mutual satisfaction, the moments they had in sheets, started to value those stolen moments that proved all those hours of torturous training had failed. But they did not have time, the battles becoming more intense and each one drawing them closer to an inevitable end of the war and whether they survived it or not, they were not going to need this convenient fuck buddies thing.

He'd never used his superior strength on Duo – aware that he would become a monster if he did. He could have always made Duo do those things – could've taken him without requiring permission – but Duo had always offered and that's what had become his undoing. So he didn't hurt him, he just used his body to block his exit and a hand on the centre of his chest.

"I want to watch you."

Duo had shrugged at his request yet fulfilled it, bringing out his dick half hard and bringing it to full arousal with hard tugs that were efficient, closing his eyes as Heero watched his hand slide, a loose fist created and he wrapped his fingers around Duo's hand – encouraged the movement, enjoyed the feel of their fingers in tandem, working together to bring about pleasure.

Unable to deny his temptation, he'd licked at a patch of skin around Duo's ear, whispering into it and he felt the accompanying shudder of skin at the attention.

"Let me know…"

The statement, though vague, was understood and their hands sped up in unison until he heard the changes in breathing that indicated he was close, Duo affirming it with a muted "fuck" and Heero fell to his knees, removing both of their hands, replacing them with his mouth, sliding his lips over Duo's hard cock and bobbing forward, once, twice, a third time until he felt warm cum spill into his mouth.

He'd let him kiss him then, a certain desperateness to it and then they went their separate ways, to separate bunks in the depths of Peacemillion, Heero barely sleeping despite knowing that he should, each battle taking more strain on his mental state and physical health but his mind had been distracted as it was now while he sat at the controls of his Gundam.

He finalised the sequence to bring Wing ZERO to life – burying the memories as deeply as he could and taking a breath before he would make his departure. He was about to ask for the hanger bay doors to be opened to make his exit, the sleepy engineer he'd bribed willingly doing so without caring for the protocol, when he observed Duo make his way into the large cavernous room – noticeable by the braid trailing behind him. He trained his vid feeds to him, to see his face, his expression not revealing anything as though he expected the situation, as though he expected Heero to leave.

He thought about jumping from the cockpit, about lowering himself to the floor and talking to Duo one last time – touching him one last time – yet the only response Duo gave him was a wink, a small salute and he mouthed five words before turning back away to join whatever celebration was still ongoing with Trowa and Quatre.

His head bowed, Heero asked for the hanger bay doors to open, started the thrusters and heard those words in his head even though he'd only seen the movement of lips. His own words used back at him, confusing him further but he knew what he had to do, launching Wing ZERO into the blackness of space.

"Do what you want, Heero."