A/N: In the painful, yet necessary process of editing..,
Dear Fanfiction Authors,
This is probably the sickest site I have been on.
First off, I do not have any affection other than respect for Captain Levi! Do not write me moaning helplessly because he looks "too damn fine", it is fucking wrong. We have a strictly professional relationship, and a good friendship that hopefully can be continued if he doesn't find out about this site. Why? After reading some of your stories I do think that most of you actually think that I am gay and very interested in Captain Levi.
Or getting into his pants.
I am not.
Not shitting you either, but it is a fact I don't want to have gay sex with my captain.
Even if some of you sick people had to write scenes like that to ease whatever problem you have: please do not be as descriptive as to going down to every last detail, it is awkward and I do not understand how anyone can write such stories about me. Honestly, does it not bother anyone that someone can write a whole paragraph on my eyes and another twenty on my body? Where do you even get that kind of damn information?
Also, I want to remind all of you that Captain Levi does not have "beautiful, metallic eyes that make my heart leap a mile." His glare freaks the shit out of me, actually, out of everybody for that matter. His supposed "sexy, masculine, husky, palpable voice" does not make me "stiff". Captain Levi's voice is actually pretty bland and monotone, so go do your research before you describe his voice like that from MY point of view.
And also, I do not like that fact that some of you are making Mikasa fall in love with Armin or Jean or Captain Levi. Mikasa ONLY loves Armin as a brother. She does not love him. Since Mikasa is my friend, I have a right to protect her reputation by telling all of you to stop pairing her up with Armin; seriously she does not love him like that! And now some of you fuckin' idiots are pairing her up with Connie! That's sick!
Anyways, I am telling you all to put your fantasies under control. To those who portrayed me as the eventual strongest in the Survey Corps, and wrote about me achieving my goals and being the most admired out of everyone, you have my full support. Please keep writing those stories; it gives me inspiration to fight.
But honestly, to those who write about BDSM about me with anyone, just stop it. Your overly-vivid imagination defames my character, and gets in the way of my concentration level when I slay Titans.
I don't need to be reminded again that Captain Levi, who fights alongside me, was the same fucking person (in your imagination) who "had me moaning on the hardwood floor".
Sincerely Very Disturbed,
Eren Yeager