It broke Olivia's heart to tell her girlfriend that she killed Esther Labott a victim she had connected to on a profound level. Amanda was in tears in her office and she wanted nothing more than to hug her as close as she can and give her the comfort she needs. But they're at work and no one knows that they're dating, and it would be inappropriate to cuddle with her subordinate in her office. So, instead she gives Amanda a quick kiss on the forehead and then moves her head to whisper in her ear.
"I want nothing more than to cuddle you so tight right now, but you know I can't, so I want you to take a deep breath for me. Go home and spend time with Jesse and Noah. When I get home, I'll hold you and give you whatever you need, I love you so much Amanda."
Amanda nods her head, agreeing with Liv's plan for the night and whispering back I love you too. She takes some time in the office to stop her tears before leaving to go home for the night. Amanda's greeted at the door when she arrives at her apartment by Jesse, Noah, and Frannie surrounding her. The kids pulling at her shirt, and Frannie running around her legs. The blonde takes both kids in her arms holding them tight pressing kisses to Noah's mop of curly brown hair, and to Jesse's soft blonde locks. She holds them until both kids try to squirm away, from not wanting to be held any longer and they run off to play. Amanda tells Lucy she can leave and then throws herself into being with the kids. For a while, she forgets about the events of the day, what Olivia told her, but after she puts the children to bed thoughts of Esther filling her brain. She sits on the floor between their beds, staring at the steady rise and fall of their chests. Thoughts of Esther are the only thing she can think about, she failed her. The blonde had made promises to Esther that she didn't keep. Amanda looks at her children and how she would do anything she can to protect them. It's where Olivia finds when she comes home from work.
"C'mon baby, let's go into our room and let the kids sleep," tugging on the blonde's hand getting her to stand. They walk leave the room, and Liv shuts the door behind them.
Amanda follows without saying a word. Once they're out of the room, the brunette pulls her girlfriend into a tight hug, holding her tight, giving her the comfort that she wanted to give her earlier. Amanda is holding onto her feeling so much better now that she is in Olivia's arms. The brunette guides then into their bedroom and they both change out of their work clothes into their pajamas before climbing into bed. Amanda's head comes to rest on Olivia's chest and the brunette plays with her hair and holds her hand, the way she does when they cuddle.
"I just can't get Esther's face out of my head Liv, I promised her that I would saver her, protect her, and I'm the one who killed her."
"It was an accident Amanda, you were doing your job, and sometimes innocent people get hurt. It sucks, but we can't change that."
Amanda falls silent after that, knowing what the brunette says is true. She's exhausted, this case as drained her, so she snuggles closer to her girlfriend tries to fall asleep. Olivia holds the blonde tight in her arms, whispering in her ear how much she loves her, doing her best to comfort her. They don't get much sleep that night, Amanda is woken up by nightmare frequently and Liv wakes up too, providing support, comforting the blond the way, she is usually comforted during a nightmare.
Eventually, Olivia is just too exhausted, and she falls asleep before Amanda does, so the younger woman sneaks out of bed to take up her position on the floor again, reaching out to hold one of the hands of both children. They look so peaceful and innocent, both so happy and carefree. Her mind wanders to Esther and all the terrible abuse she endured during her life and how thankful she is that her children will never have to go through that. She hasn't been with Olivia long, but she loves Noah like she is her own, and she knows the brunette feels the same about Jesse. She can imagine a future for them, their kids growing up as siblings, maybe having another baby one day. Amanda is drawn out of her thoughts by a knock on the door, standing up she looks at the clock and realizes it's already 7:3o in the morning and she had been sitting in the kids' room for a few hours. Opening the door, Amanda is not all that surprised that it's Fin, knowing he would show up to check on her eventually. She lets him the door.
They talk about how she is feeling about the shooting, Fin wanting to make sure she is not tempted to gamble or fall back on any of her own vices. Amanda though is trying to get Fin out her apartment as quick as possible, knowing Olivia will be up at any moment and will come looking for her. Fin is getting ready to leave when a sleep filled voice fills the room "baby who's at the door, come back to bed. I'm lonely."
Coming up behind her girlfriend and wrapping her arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to her neck, not even realizing that it's Fin who is there.
Fin is shocked, having no idea that Amanda was even into women. Olivia pops her head up from nuzzling the blonde's neck and her eyes go wide, and her cheeks turn to a shade of bright red. Olivia tries to move away from Amanda, clearly embarrassed, but Amanda stops her, intertwining their fingers, keeping her arms around her waist.
"Liv and I have been together for a couple of months now, Fin. Please don't say anything. We're not ready for anyone to know." Fin looks like he doesn't know what to do with this information, he's happy for them of course, but he never really expected Olivia and Amanda to get together.
"I'm happy for you two and I'm not going to tell anyone, but keep your hands to yourself, you're both like my sisters I don't need that mental picture."
Olivia gets a mischievous smile on her face, turning the blonde around to face her, reaching a hand down to grab a handful of her ass, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek and telling Fin "no promises." Fin looks incredibly uncomfortable, immediately looking anywhere, but the two women. He's smiling though. Truly happy for his coworkers. Amanda blushes her normal pale face going bright red, but she can't help but smile. Noah and Jesse make their presence known, walking into the room for some morning cuddles, walking to their respective mothers' for a hug, mumbling a hi to their Uncle Fin, before Jesse reaches for Olivia asking to be picked up, loving to snuggle up to Olivia, almost as much as her mother. Noah is standing next to Amanda asking her to make his favorite blueberries for breakfast, while hugging her. To Fin, who still standing in the doorway, looking at how content the four of them are as a family. He says his goodbyes and goes to leave, knowing Amanda is in good hands and that she's going to be okay.