Hi,
I know these things can make people crazy. BUT, I am hoping you will take pity on me and help me find these stories.
I have tried searching for it many times but I haven't been able to find it (obviously).
The first story is: Bella is friends with Alice, they might be roommates, and Bella hooks up with Edward who is bi and promiscuous. Edward decides to date Bella because she is underage and doesn't want to be reported. He goes and gets tested for STDs at a clinic. That's all I remember. The story is all human, rated M, and is complete.
The second story is: Edward has been acting weird, and sneaking out of the house. The Cullens decide to follow him one time. They are all vampires. Edward goes to a strip club, which he and James own together. Turns out Bella is a vampire stripper and they are married but he never told any of the Cullens. I think it is a 3-shot, rated M and complete.
I will delete this as soon as I can find the story. Thank you.