An Ode to Antauri
Written By: KozueNoSaru
Disclaimer: I do not own the monkey show, or Beast Wars. (I'm too lazy to type Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go!) The monkey show belongs to Ciro Neili and whole Beast Wars world belong to Hasbro. I make no money from this story and don't intend on doing so.
Warning: Definite AU, Characters form Beast Wars making a small appearance, some OOCness, some language, and the satirizing of the fans! Do not read if any offend you in any way. Flames are NOT tolerated. Constructive Criticism, however, is appreciated. If you don't know much about Beast Wars, then you might want to head on over to for more information.
Credit: This story was loosely based off a fic called "An Ode to Dinobot", unfortunately; I have no idea where the fic is located at this time. The fic's main idea was to explain the true happenings with events that led to the infamous Beast Wars episode "Code of Hero". That fic inspired this fic. Thank you to whoever wrote that.
Notes: This might come off as a little harsh on the monkey community, but hey, it had to be done. This is NOT meant as an insult to fans, considering I'M a fan of the show. But seriously, I'm considered one of the brazen ones out there. I simply wanted to tackle a different, more humorous look on the ending of "I Chiro" and a rather different approach to the events leading up to it. Yes, I know that episode has been done to death, but I just wanted my say in it. Sorry if I pissed you off, but it's fanfiction. Don't take it so seriously.
XOXOXOXOX
It was one of those mornings that you could relish the air and not smell burnt cooking. The sun was just peeking out from the west, gracing the windows and rooms of the sleeping populace of the city known as Shuggazoom. It was one of those mornings that you're lying in bed and recalling the most amazing night you had.
Unfortunately, it was also one of those mornings that a rather persistent clan of humans from Earth was armed to the teeth with cameras, restraining equipment and questions and comments.
Yes, this morning marked the infamous two-week stand between Shuggazoom's finest warriors, the Hyperforce, against the fabled fanfiction writers and fanart artists from Earth. The crafty humans had taken temporary residence in Shuggazoom and moved most of their Earthly belongings into their tents and wigwams that dotted the park where the Super Robot stood. This breed of humans, having different nationalities, backgrounds, even different genders and races, all united for one purpose: to drive the Hyperforce (and their mortal enemies) to the brink of insanity.
And so far, they were doing so good that Skeleton King and his nightmarish creations were en-route to the Interstellar Asylum, along with where a few of the non-Skeleton King-related enemies were being held. ((Ahem) Gyrus Krinkle cough) This left the Hyperforce with no excuse to escape the camera's lenses and the constant barrage of questions and remarks. The team had to make do with sending back (often in a bodily way) the humans and upgrading their security systems for the extremely stubborn authors and authoresses.
Now that we're up to speed on the background, let's check up on the Hyperforce.
It was 6:22 and Antauri, the resident philosopher, second-in-command and reluctant chef was in the kitchen making his infamous bran pancakes. Sprx-77, or Sprx for short, was banging in the bathroom door for Mr. Hal Gibson, or simply Gibson fro short, to come out of the shower, Nova was on her personal computer, updating her Myspace account, and Otto and Chiro were still asleep. Antauri was humming to the tune of some R&B song he had heard over the radio. Contrary to popular belief, he DOES do other activities in his free time besides meditating.
The morning quietness was soon broken by the shrill cry of a monkey with an English accent and the sound of a door being barged opened. Antauri turned to see his blur-furred comrade, dripping wet and horrified, with a towel draped over the front part of his body. A female voice remarked, "Nice ass, Gibby!" with an assortment of hoops and cat-calling before the aforementioned scientist managed to cover his backside as well. He took a seat at the table and tried to dry his head off with what was left of his dignity.
"Don't tell me they're STILL putting cameras in the shower?" Antauri asked in disbelief as he instinctly made Gibson a cup of tea, then returned to the pancakes.
"It's even worse! There are at least five cameras in the drain, and two more in the faucet.
"Only seven?" Antauri quizzically asked, flipping one pancake after another.
"I managed to destroy the ones that were in plain sight. I don't know how many more are still around in the bathroom." Gibson admitted.
"Perhaps it's best not to think about it. Here, this will calm your nerves." Antauri stated, turning his attention away from the pancakes and handed him the tea.
"Thank you, but I still want my cigarettes." Gibson sighed, more to himself than to Antauri while he took a huge gulp of tea.
"Didn't we have this discussion about your habits?" Antauri stated, crossing his armed.
"As I seem to recall, our discussion was merely you discarding them and raiding my laboratory to discard the hidden ones." Gibson huffed after another gulp of the tea
"You know you shouldn't be smoking. End of story."
"I wouldn't NEED to smoke if there weren't hormonal adolescent humans running around outside trying to film and record every second of our--Err, Antauri—breakfast?" Gibson pointed to the slightly smoking skillet on the stove. The ebony monkey turned around and cursed, managing to save breakfast as a battered Sprx stormed in. As Antauri was using his telekinesis to set up the table, he casually asked Sprx what he had been doing to sustain the injuries he had.
"Oh, that's simple! Just stand in the freaking doorway demanding that R Kelly come out the shower and BAM! He fucking PLOWS the damn door down, without realizing that I was at it! Then, after I peeled myself off the door, I had to contend to human girls trying to molest me!" the crimson monkey huffed, making dramatic gestures with his arms as he spoke.
"Be grateful they didn't catch you exposed on their cameras." Gibson deadpanned.
"Calm down, Sprx. Here, have some tea." The ebony monkey offered.
"This doesn't have that crap you put in it again, does it?" Sprx asked, sniffing the cup and taking a few sips of it. "It knocked us out for over a day, remember?"
"For the last time, I didn't put that drug in there! It was the humans!" Antauri defended himself.
Soon the others grudgingly made their way into the kitchen. Nova had apparently shaken off one overzealous fanboy that had managed to cling to her tail rather violently hence her rubbing her bloody knuckles. Chiro was still in his pajamas and was trying to cover up his "morning wood" before the fangirls saw it and would proceed to have a field day with their adult stories and pictures up the wazoo. Poor Otto looked like he'd been through Hell and back.
"Rough morning, I take it?" the ebony monkey asked.
"How could you tell?" Chiro asked in a monotone voice, flopping into his usual seat at the table.
"Why is Gibson in a towel?" Otto asked, rubbing his eyes.
"You don't want to know." Gibson answered.
"What's for breakfast?" Nova asked, trying to change the subject.
"Bran pancakes and substitute meal."
A collective choir of groans filled the kitchen.
Would you rather have a veggie platter for breakfast? Antauri threatened, casually waving a vegan cormeal packet in his hands.
Suddenly, the others were woofing down his cooking as if they hadn't seen food in a month. After the hasty departure of Chiro, Sprx, Otto and Nova, it was just the recently disrobed blue monkey and the disgruntled ebony monkey.
"Shouldn't you warn them about the shower?" Antauri asked.
"Ah, they'll know soon enough." Gibson shrugged, folding his towel and gathering up the dishes. As they were washing dishes Antauri casually remarked, "I haven't forgotten about you wanting cigarettes, Gibson."
"Dammit..."the scientist muttered, drying off the silverware and placing them in their respective cupboards.
"Can you make us disguises?" Antauri asked suddenly.
"I can, but for what purpose?" Gibson confirmed
Another scream, followed by human voices, filled the whole park.
XOXOXOXOX
Later that afternoon, while the Hyperforce were restocking the groceries and just trying to remain low on the fanbase radar, they were out by the Hover Burger stand, getting lunch. Or trying to, until the noon shift of fanfiction writers and fanart artists went paparazzi on them and asked the Hyperforce millions of questions.
"So, 'Tarui! Do you have any...close... relationship with anyone?" a brunette young girl asked, batting her eyelashes.
"Mr. Hal Gibson, would you be interested in dating and falling in love with my original character? Asked a few 14-year-old girls.
"So, Nova, when are you gonna tie the knot with Sprx?" asked a 15-year-old redheaded boy.
"Hey, Otto! Interested in Nova? I've got this fanfic coming along where..." said a rather crafty brunette 21-year-old woman.
"So, Chiro! Have you and Jinmay..."done it" yet?" inquired a few 17-year-old boys.
"Oh Sparky! I heard that you..." began a 13-year-old blonde-headed girl.
"Are the rumors about you and so-and-so true?" an 18-year-old African-American woman asked, hinting at Gibson and Antauri.
"Are you guys, like, atomically correct?" asked one woman who was of Indian descent.
You get the idea.
The desperate monkeys and human scattered, causing a chase to interrupt on the streets.
XOXOXOXOX
Meanwhile, a metalloid field rat overlooked the chase atop a building. He transformed into a short, lanky robot with an exposed brain and red optics and dialed a number in the cell-phone he carried.
"Ey, uh, Chopper-face...I tink I found yer next clientele...yeah, dem monkeys...dere's five of 'em an' a kid. How da the slag is I suppose ta know which one's the psychic one! Alright, alright I'll make sure da fangirls and bois don't turn 'em into sobbin' piles of metal. Ya owe me for dis."
With a huff about a "slag-suckin' saurian" he hung up, transformed into his previous state of a metalloid rodent with wheels on his hind legs and burned rubber off the building.
XOXOXOXOX
Antauri had manages to shake off his pursuers by hiding out in the one place he wouldn't be caught dead in: a video/game store. He was hiding out in the "afro-centric" comedy section until he bumped into Gibson, who was knee-deep in anime DVD's and Chiro, who was trying to pull him out.
"Antauri, this has to stop. Every time we do anything, they're after us!" Chiro exclaimed
"I know that, Chiro." Antauri sighed, rubbing his head.
"Oh, bloody hell, here's one of them now!" Gibson squeaked.
The three friends dove behind a series of movies that were labeled "Mushy-gushy Romances" until one male voice exclaimed "They're not here? They must have heard us coming. Maybe they went back to the Robot."
After a collection of feminine groans and "Aw craps's", the group of fans vanished. Chiro made sure the coast was clear and signaled his friends to come out.
"That was close." Gibson remarked.
"Now do you know why I asked if you knew about the art of disguise?" Antauri asked.
"I do now, but what if those humans catch on?" Gibson stated
"Let's get out of here before another group of fans finds us!" Chiro stated, pointing towards the window with another clan of fans prowling around outside. Just as they had managed to sneak out the back, the strongest batch of humans came out of the shadows and glomped them all.
This, dear readers, was the Antauri fan club. No assault, no merciless pursuit was more vicious and unrelenting than they, the ones that thrived on a glimpse of Antauri.
"Eeek, he's so much cuter in person!" remarked a 15-year-old blonde cheerleader
"He's just perfect for MY original character!" a tomboyish 14-year-old remarked
"No, mine!" argued her friend, a 14-year-old brunette.
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Wait! You're best friends aren't you? Can't you two have him both?" asked a 12-year-Afrcan-American boy.
"Um, I don't have an OC. Can't I just pair him up with Nova or something?" asks a young 16-year-old with a faint French accent.
"I'll do one better! How 'bout a little boy on boy action?" squealed a Japanese college co-ed female.
"Oh, come on! He's not THAT gay!" remarked a rather liberal American 18-year-old man.
Antauri had had enough; sure the constant pursuit of ill-gotten footage and frequent cameras going off were already annoying, but this...this was the last straw! Screaming, he made a break for it, followed close behind by Chiro and Gibson. Just as Antauri made it out of the alleyway, a metalloid rodent/vehicle cut in front of his escape path. Antauri was about to curse him out but, interestingly enough, the rodent spoke first.
"EY! Is your name 'Antauri' by any chance? Need a lift?" he asked.
"I'll be ANYONE at this rate!" The panicked simian said.
"Hop on! Any don't let go!" The rodent warned him.
"My friends come with me!"
"Alright, alright!" The rodent called out to the others behind him. "Yo! Move yer slaggin' afts!"
Soon, the fan club was left in the dust as Antauri, Chiro and Gibson rode off on the strange robot. After he had managed to get a few miles outside the city, Antauri finally had common sense to ask who the mystery person was as they dismounted from the rodent.
"You have my eternal thanks. But, I must ask you, who are you? "
"Any why did you save us? Chiro quickly added.
The rodent transformed into a robot and Gibson quickly recognized the individual.
"Why, you're Rattrap! Rattrap from Beast Wars! I should have recognized that slanderous insult to English language with that accent." Gibson exclaimed.
"Da one an' only! An' fer the record, yer accent ain't' dat better, Mr. Bond." the robot confirmed.
"Um, someone wanna fill me in?" Chiro asked, starching his head.
"Later, Chiro. Alright Rattrap, why are you on Shuggazoom?"
"I heard da fanfiction and fanart people were gatherin' here for Primus knows what. I decided to check da situation out myself. Heard all about you monkeys. And of course yer little kid here."
"I'm fourteen!" Chiro remarked, insulted that someone who wasn't even the normal size of a human woman was calling him little.
"Whatever, kid. Anyways, I'm lookin' fer Antauri 'cause a friend o' mine gots a deal even he can't refuse. Before you say anything, dem fans are gonna be out dere for da rest of yer natural lives until ya croak. Or get off da air. Dey's persistent like dat. Trust me, I know what you're goin' through."
The three monkey team members conversed amongst themselves for a good half-hour.
Finally, they ended their conversation and faced Rattrap.
"Alright, who is this friend of your?" Antauri asked.
"You should know 'im! It's old Chopper-face in the flesh...or Transmetal Two flesh."
"Dinobot." Gibson concluded.
"If yer interested, 'Tarui," Rattrap began, handing him a card with instructions written on it, "Give ol' Scale-belly a call." He transformed and drove off to where his spaceship had been cloaked and boarded the aircraft.
Antauri read the card over five times while Gibson explained to Chiro about Beast Wars and Transformers. After a winded explanation, Antauri waited for Gibson to finish his lecture on Transformer history so that he could explain the card.
Here what the card said. Of more accurately, as the holo-projection of TMII Dinobot said at the card was a recording:
Greetings, Antauri,
No, I'm not dead. I've come back to life in a new body, but you would have already known that if you saw the show. I've had the Vermin surveillance you and your family since our arrival back on Cybertron. Anyways, if you want to get rid of some rather unpleasant company, please come to Cybertron at midnight at the 'Gilded Cage' an...Escort services of such, (It was the Vermin's idea, not mine) and bring two (and ONLY two) witnesses. We'll discuss some solutions that you'll be pleased to hear. Believe when I say that I know what you're going through.
Respectfully yours, Dinobot
PS: If you DO accept this invitation, please follow the instructions upon reaching Cybertron that are printed on the back of this message.
The three exchanged looks of oddity before coming to an agreement.
XOXOXOXOXOX
Nightlights seemed to radiate from the neutral capitol city Cybertropolis. Cybertonians, both Maximal and Predacon walked the streets rather hurriedly, absorbed in their own thoughts and personal vendettas. No one seemed to notice a basic protoform ship land in the alleyway leading to the 'Gilded Cage'. They were equally oblivious to two bionic monkeys; one black with yellow-green orbs the other one blue with sable orbs and a human-looking boy with raven black hair and deep blue eyes. As they ventured down the alleyway, they came across a rather nervous-looking Cybertronian individual that was as plain as they come in appearance.
"What's the password?" he asked, eyeing the suspicious new-comers.
" Silence." The black bionic monkey whispered.
"Those two with you?"
"Yes sir." The monkey answered.
"Okay, He's in VIP, third back facing the window." The robot remarked, allowing the strangers to come in the club.
If you knew sentient beings like Rattrap, then you know the place was going to be CRAWLING with half-naked femmes and reek of alcoholic energon. A few hired hands were topless, and the two bionic simians had to cover the human's eyes a few times. Weaving in and out of the crowd, they mangaged to locate the door that led to the VIP room. This wasn't any ordinary VIP, oh no. These series of personal penthouse suits were within the club. Yeah, it was pretty big.
They managed to find Dinobot's penthouse and cautiously opened the door. The room was dark and the only things visible were optics.
"Ah, our guests had arrived." A rather growly voice purred."
"They're awfully tiny for the next biggest thing on TV." A younger voice commented
"Vermin, have you fixed the lights YET?" the first voice huffed impatiently.
"I'm almost dere, Lizard-Lips!"
The lights snapped on, revealing a fierce-looking cat-bot, an even fiercer-looking velicoraptor, and of course a rodent slinking out the vent and landing on the floor. The dinosaur transformed, looking awfully sinister before remarking, "Why, it's our guests of honor. Welcome to Cybertron...at least the neutral part of it. Surely you remember the mouse from earlier and of course, this Cheetor." He finished, introducing the cheetah.
"Charmed, I'm sure." Gibson replied.
"I gave your...proposition a thought. If we were to get rid of those humans, would my brethren benefit from my cooperation?" Antauri asked.
"Of, course. As you know, I was...unceremoniously martyred. Before my martyrdom, I was approached by two gentlemen that gave me something I never experienced before. A "Death Benefit Package", if you will. Some of the offered benefits of their package were the...dissipation of the fangirls that chased me. In addition to staging my 'death' I was awarded three choices:
To come back in a new improved body.
To take a more permanent vacation from multimedia
To be introduced as a minor character from another time and then reveal myself in a more crucial point of my career.
They called the Death and Resurrection package, the Promotional Package and Wild Card Package, respectively." Dinobot explained, handing them information.
"Why was it that I was offered this choice? Why not the others?" Antauri inquired.
"How do we know you're not another fanfiction writer?" Chiro asked.
"Because, that's how the system works. You have the most interesting and complex characters on a given show, and then you're killed off in some way shape or form. Slagging contracts are never clear on those clauses. The Revival Vacation Agency was formed to insure such prestigious beings a fair chance to thrive in their world without being hounded like some Earth celebrity. And to answer you question, boy, if I were a fanfiction writer, I'd write about something far more interesting. No offense."
"Think about this way: Do you actually want fangirls and fanboys making off with all your personal stuff and taping you for the rest of you natural lives? You could end up like that Skeleton guy that at the loony bin." Cheetor offered.
Antauri, Gibson and Chiro exchanged horrified glances. After a moment of registered silence, Antauri asked, "And my friends benefit from this?"
"Everyone that lives with you." Dinobot assured him.
"Tell us more about your agency." Antauri said in a rather velvety tone of voice.
XOXOXOXOX
Months later, when Skeleton King and company were declared legally sane by the authority of the Interstellar Mental Council, they celebrated by corrupting the Power Primate and invading Shuggazoom; hoping to rid his universe of the accursed fans. Then, his antics lead him to the all-famous battle for the city (which our resident Cybertonians had pay-per-view to watch) at the Pit of Doom. Before Antauri made the ultimate sacrifice and threw himself into the opening of the Dark One Worm, he quickly winked at Chiro and Gibson.
They winked back.
On, Cybertron, Dinobot, Cheetor and Rattrap exchanged high-fives.
Knowing what we know now, I guess we know what Antauri's decision was...
The End!