I can't write proper crack, just in warning, so this is just a bit of fun to see what I can come up with.
The bold print is me talking and breaking the curtain. With the other characters.
So this takes place in The Doctor's wife. Some where between when the Doctor get's into the TARDIS with Idris, and when she get's to go back where she's supposed to be.
It's the first time I have tried some thing like this so tell me what you think in a review - below.
How to blow a hole in the universe
Rules and guide on how to make the universe explode.
(And in essense what not to do for that to happen.)
Once there was the Doctor and his TARDIS and his funny little Ponds, and they managed to, on almost every occasion, blow up the universe or crack it or just plain nuke it out of existence, entirely. And I mean out of universe, I mean as in no more me or you or morning cups of coffee - or tea. Or your morning cereal (Oh, that's really generic sounding.)
They managed to do all this with the TARDIS, she's a space and time traveling vessel thats smaller on the outside Clara voice insert.
Not as yet, not till series seven.
Clara: Sorry
I am afraid of what they'll do to you, did you know that last season -
River: Spoilers
What's that gonna do to her? She hasn't got any wonky timeline issues – as yet – and the only thing that could affect Clara was when she was a – never mind, I understand.
River – Glad you get it.
Clara's not supposed to even be here so we'll let her get back to the BBC writers, who have undoubtedly found a new way to rip skulls off viewers.
And, the Doctor and his friends find themselves back in the TARDIS after landing in a pocket universe, having the TARDIS matrix shoved into a human body whose soul has been vacuumed out to provide the necessary space.
Rules #1 don't leave the known universe. Or get lured there - Recklessly.
You would think that with nine hundred plus years of life, you would know how to smell a trap but said Doctor is entirely stupid sometimes.
The doctor is looking from face to face excitedly, and a little hesitant – it's the repressed excitement of introducing someone to your new girl friend. Except, it's not, it's the IDRIS/TARDIS. And she looks around a bit wonkily, like she's not sure either. She's also looking everywhere else in wonder.
"This is my TARDIS - she's a woman, and she's my TARDIS." The doctor's small smile shines, like she's a new toy.
IDRIS looks at the Pond's curiously and seriously at the same time and says something. I think it's Hello but I'm not sure.
Amy gapes in her unique way, shocked and surprised, and suddenly she wants to grin, instead she ribs the Doctor, "Did you wish really hard?"
"It's not like that!" The Doctor turns to her from his 'bity mad lady' and tries to tamp down the awkward humor.
Suddenly River appears, "Hello Sweetie," and IDRIS ambles up to her and grabs the vortex and sneezes on it. A puff of gold energy hits it, and it sparks hard. The Doctor grabs IDRiS and shakes her.
"What did you do?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
The strap is sparking hard. And the doctor is nearly screeching, "Who sneezes archon energy on a vortex manipulator?"
He is sonicing it with his handy sonic screw driver, and he's trying every damn setting he can find. Because he doesn't know what will happen if he can't stop the vortex manipulator from going bat shit crazy.
Rule #2 Don't believe the Doctor can fix everything. Because insert River voice Darling he can't. Just ask River. Oh, he can fix things, and he's got that oh so cool sonic that one day might be able to do wood. Out of all the known machines, and well everything, he can fix half, the other half it's a whole lot of guess work.
He gets lucky a lot.
What's that old line?
River: The doctor lies
Doctor: No, I do not.
Amy: insert start
Doctor: I'm not saying anything.
I see what you do at night.
insert everyone staring
Just joking - geez