Segment 1
*listen to "Bratja" from Fullmetal Alchemist while reading this, it's Okami's theme and really fits the mood. ;)*
Daughter Okami, sister Okami, Okami Cheu, what a failed form of life. You stupid, weak, waste of space. All you do is sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Why is there space for you on this Earth? You should go and die. But then you'll waste space in Hell, won't you, you little bitch. You really don't know your place, so do I have to beat it into you, you little asshole? You're wasting oxygen. Go fall from a cliff, or something. Just get the hell outta my life. Why were you even born in the first place? You're such a problem, just another mouth to feed, body to clothe, face to slap. I wish you just disappeared.
Then his boot would come down on my face and knock me down onto the cement floor. No tears, just blood rolled down my face. I understood. I understand. I am a good for nothing piece of garbage. A waste of resources. I wish I just disappeared. Maybe in Hell they would find a good place for me, maybe that was where I belonged. I knew I wouldn't find a place in Heaven, though. There's no place for Cheu's in heaven. We were all thieves, murderers, liars, cheaters, my family was a mess. A crazy mess of maddened hell.
Me? I was around seven years old when my life changed. For the worse or for the better, I wasn't sure. But before that I did farm work during the day for my neighbors, and cowered in the corner during the nights. Hoping that my father wouldn't find me. I enjoyed doing work for my neighbors, they didn't treat me too kindly, but they were angels compared to my "family". They had a son my age who would watch me. He would laugh every time I came to work with a new bruise or scab. "The ol' man got to you, again?" he would chuckle. I just smiled at him and said "Yes." I laughed with him, not knowing what else to do. I hardly ever got attention from anyone. Or at least, any positive attention.
My home was by a port, the ships often used to carry merchandise to other countries. The one time I was actually exposed to the ocean, was not a pleasant experience. I was attacked by a rather small shark, it bit into my calf and wouldn't let go. All I can remember from that scene was major blood loss, a sharp numbing pain in my knee, and a strong pull into the water. I was close to drowning, and the loss of blood was making me lose consciousness. Blood and salt water, a big mixture, I didn't think I would live. Good. I didn't want to. But of course, I was saved, by whom, I can't quite remember. I was young when it happened.
After that, a Hell in mind had formed. When I was in the water, I was alone. No one was there with me. My screams for help were not heard by anyone. I knew. I know. I'm always alone. All the time. When I think I'm not alone, my company is taken away from me and I have to face the sharks myself. In my mind, I was forever stranded on a small boat in the middle of the ocean, the vast body of water that never seemed to end. No one was there, I live in a soundless world. Sometimes I would talk to myself. just to hear the existence of humans. Who was there for me? No one. My parents hated me, I had no siblings, and the people in the outside world were not understanding enough for my liking. Was there something wrong with them, or me? No one cares about you, Okami, just face it already, you waste.
Many days I would walk down the dirt road, the cold wind blowing through from Russia, slithering up my sleeves and skirt. I went to school on my own everyday, I liked to learn. My parents didn't fill in an application for me or anything, it was entirely my own decision. I could almost see myself, a pure little girl, no one would have suspected that I was desperate for love. It was almost as if I was loveless. I feared my teachers, my parents, and any other adults around me. Anyone who was bigger than me, I feared. Anyone who had authority, I feared. Myself, I feared. This fear led to my isolation. I never allowed anyone near me. Hell would be the day when I found a friend and lost them. Or even worse, perhaps they would not understand. And they would try to fix me. They would try to remove this skill I obtained. This black magic, also known as insanity. Dammit, I was a little girl. A perfect little girl. But my mind lingered in the devil's place I had created for myself? Something was wrong with me. Or everyone else...
As I recall, no one at school noticed me. No kids laughed at me, no kids spoke to me. Looking back now, I would have liked it a lot better if they laughed at me. I hate silence, I hate loneliness, I hate it I hate it I hate it. Then why did I deprive myself of the right to keep friends? Well, maybe it wasn't me who pushed them away, but they who pushed me away. Not only did I act like the ghost of a child, I looked like one, too. My hair was a sickly pale blonde, my eyes a sickly pale blue, and my skin wrapped tightly around my bones, also, pale. I was no ordinary child, that's for sure.
I was quite a twisted little girl, no one would expect such self-hate from a seven year old. Even adults seemed to be aware that I was to be left alone. But did they not realize that all while they were busy being scared of the consequences of helping me, I was screaming for help? Was no one kind enough to reach out a hand and help me to my feet? Or maybe, I was right. My father was right. My mother was right. What's the purpose of saving garbage? It's only logical to get rid of garbage. But who said that garbage couldn't feel...
Sorry
Sorry I'm a child
Sorry I'm useless
Sorry I need attention
Sorry I fail
Sorry